No. 361 : Wake Up Dead Man (2025)

 

Wake Up Dead Man at the IMDb

 

This is the third film in the ‘Knives Out’ franchise, with the first reviewed in my Michael Shannon blog and the second’ Glass Onion’ not bothering the scorers. I have now watched them all, and although they qualify as decent entertainment, I doubt they could be seen as the event movies that Netflix seem to have them down as, or worth their $200m budget. In fairness that money is all on the screen, given Daniel Craig earned a reported $1m a minute for his less than one hour screen time.

Still, budgets aren’t all, and if you can get a fun murder mystery on screen who cares what it costs? Well, Netflix shareholders only, as my £6.99 subscription is the same whether I watch this or some 70’s sex farce from the UK.

Craig once again plays his flamboyant detective Benoit Blanc who, whilst presumably French, has a ridiculous and wavering accent and a dress code that Dick Emery would have issues with. Craig doesn’t appear for the first 30 minutes as the murder, with which the film is concerned, is played out. The narrative is that familiar style of someone writing a letter as we dissolve to the action. A young priest with a chequered past is sent to a new church to assist Josh Brolin who is as convincing as a priest as Kenneth Williams would have been as Dirty Harry. Brolin makes the younger cleric take his confession, which is mostly about him wanking a lot.

 

Brolin is assisted by church elder Glenn Close, and he has several parishioners to contend with including Andrew Scott, Thomas Hayden Church and Hawkeye off ‘The Avengers’. You can’t say the cast list isn’t stuffed, but it does seem like overkill to have so many familiar faces shoehorned in. You could argue it’s like a panto or old Agatha Christie film, but it does take you out of the action when Mila Kunis shows up as the cop and Jeffrey Wright as the Archbishop. I’m guessing there will be no prizes for the casting director here!

The victim is Brolin and the young priest is the prime suspect. For reasons unclear Blanc is in town and keen to solve the case with his customary and annoying arrogance. He asks the priest to write out everything he remembers and that takes us full circle to the letter writing opening.

There are a couple of decent twists and several unlikely ones. Various cast members get bumped off and a convoluted story about an $80m diamond is revealed – that’s so much money you could get nearly two Daniel Craig performances! Some of the twists are telegraphed like the impenetrable tomb which can be easily opened from the inside – remember that throwaway fact for later kids!

Overall, this was a decent offering, but it was probably my least favourite of the franchise. I think the re-treaded formula is wearing a bit thin, with the players and the murders laid out before the inevitable denouement where twist upon twist is unravelled before we learn the contrived truth.

 

The murder here seemed awfully unlikely and dependant on a lot of chance events falling into place. It plays out OK at the end, but in reality many of the moving parts would have derailed the intricate plan long before the murderer and fate of the diamond were decided – I managed to figure out both, and I’m a bit slow at this stuff!

The plot was thin for an over two hour run time, and I may have dozed off for five minutes in the middle – that was fine though, as everything is explained in minute detail at the end for the thick people and those who’d fallen into a turkey coma. These films are an ensemble piece, and it is always fun to see your favourite actors ham it up and play in the dress up box. That said, it is debateable whether this is worth a large chunk of your TV viewing allowance and if this was the end of the franchise, I doubt I’d notice or be upset.

W Rating 13/23 Best Bit : Confession Time

No. 352 : Willy's Wonderland (2021)

 

Willy's Wonderland at the IMDb

I found this soon to be cult classic on Amazon Prime and have to say that, despite myself, I actually quite enjoyed it. The film stars Nicholas Cage and appears to be from his ‘filmed in an afternoon to pay the tax bill’ phase. Its budget is listed as a lowly $5m and it was sponsored by the Malaysian film industry to the tune of 30%, which is confirmed by the credits list that suggest most of the post production was carried out overseas.

With a foreign backer to appease the film took the bold decision to have its star have literally no lines of dialogue whatsoever - I imagine that saved plenty on the dubbing costs alone. Apart from a few grunts Cage has nothing to say at all, and if the intention was ‘mysterious’ it came across as ‘constipated’.

Cage plays ’The Janitor’ a drifter, who for unexplained reasons, has a high end sports car. He drives through a small town when he hits a spike trap on the road causing a low end come to a stop - no budget for a big smash here. We quickly learn that this is small town movie cliché number one, with corrupt officials and police putting their well used plan into action. Cage doesn’t have the money for car repairs but a local businessman makes him a strange offer - clean up the abandoned fun house overnight and the $1000 repairs will be covered. Sounds like a good deal? HUGE mistake.

Whilst Cage gets his mops and brushes organised, we have a side plot with a bunch of high school kids who are plotting to burn down the titular fun house. These are your typical teen slasher fodder and I don’t think a single one registered with me. 

Despite having no lines, Cage does show character depth - he drinks a can of energy drink every hour and plays pinball, even when fighting off a hoard of rampaging animatronic characters. Yes, the fun house is inhabited by 8 mascots all of whom have murderous intent. In a large info dump from the sheriff, we learn that the fun house was owned and staffed by a bunch of child killers. When the game was up they carried out a ritual suicide which caused their spirits to inhabit the mechanical fun house hosts, like you do.

The robots were the best bit of the film with a good mix of creepy and exaggerated clown features with various animals and creatures depicted like a crocodile, woodland nymph and the titular Willy the stoat himself. As you’d expect the bad guys gamely line up for individual battle with Cage whilst their contemporaries take out the kids. We learn that the townsfolk lure in strangers to appease the bad guy spirits, lest they once again return to the town to seek their prey there. They should have called Cage in the first place, because as The Janitor, he quickly cleans house.

I was setting up to dislike this film. The opening has a lot of fast edits and has a washed out sepia tone. The gimmick of having Cage not speaking quickly wears thin and there are a lot of awkward scenes were a line of dialogue would move things on, whereas we get Cage looking awkwardly for a way out instead. His character and motivation are wafer thin but the fight scenes are decent and brutal with no time wasted with complicated explanations or justifications. The teens could have been wearing t-shirts marked ‘Fodder’ and their fates would have been no less obvious. Down the cast you’ll recognise no one apart from the lady sheriff who has a few decent credits, but was trying too hard to channel Darlene out of ‘Ozark’ to be effective here.

Overall this was a throwaway piece of nonsense that had just enough to keep me interested. The violence is fun and extreme and it demands nothing in terms of your attention or powers of deduction. The animatronics were well realised although it was clear that it was people in costumes for the fights and they weren’t as tough as invulnerable as the locals would have you believe. Guess you just need to hire the right janitor to take out the trash!

Best Bit : Need a new t-shirt

'W' Rating 15/23

No.335 : What the Waters Left Behind (2017)

What the Waters Left Behind at the IMDb

As our regular reader will attest, we are not adverse to the odd foreign film here at the ‘W’ Movie Blog and, with that in mind, let’s head south to Argentina for this derivative murder fest.

We get some exposition to start as we learn of a small village that was beset by rising flood waters. It had to be forcibly evacuated by the military before it was totally engulfed with the population displaced - or where they? Obviously not.

Many years later a documentary film crew have returned to the village which has recently re-emerged, due to the falling floodwaters. They are pretty low rent, relying on an ancient VW camper van and some limited equipment. They have in tow a young woman who was a refugee from the village, and the plan is to capture her memories of the once vibrant town.

On the journey to the village we get to know our six victims, er, filmmakers, who have the usual list of quirks and character points such as love rivals and a small poodle owner. Yappy dug is definitely getting it.

They stop off at a small petrol station and visit the worst toilet this side of ‘Trainspotting’. The attendants are all a bit strange, especially the old woman who insists that they buy her pies in exchange for her ‘clearing up their shit. On the evidence seen, not much shit gets cleared up, even on a good day.

Our heroes get ripped off on the fuel and window screen wipe down so they roar off yelling abuse and ditching the rancid pies - huge mistake!

At the village things go OK at first with the refugee showing the team around and recounting some interesting tales. Their van however breaks down and it’s clear someone has cut the petrol pipe. They make the standard error of splitting up and soon they start to fall afoul of some colourful locals and a snake. As their numbers inevitably whittle down, we wonder who will survive and whether the ‘Texas Chainsaw Massacre’ people have their copyright infringement lawsuit ready to go.

I think if this film was in English it would have been easier to dismiss as a clear knockoff in an already crowed survival horror genre. As it was, the Spanish language and exotic locations kept me interested or at least reading the subtitles.

It’s clear early on that the villains of the piece were a ‘Sawney Bean’ type cannibal family, with the gas station pies the first hint that maybe the vegan option wasn’t so bad. They revealed themselves gradually, and the look of sheep skull hats and massive cudgels was quite impressive and very ‘Silent Hill’.

The big surprise was nothing of the sort and I was only caught unawares as it was actually presented as such and not just assumed. The locations were excellent for the first hour with what looked like a real life disaster zone being used. Once the action decamped to an obvious set for the cannibals lair I lost interest and the film any momentum that it had earned.

There were a few bone crunching kills but nothing you haven’t seen before and better in films like ‘Wolf Creek’.

Overall this was an interesting pastime but it offered little new apart from some inventive locations and costumes. I’d seek my thrills elsewhere if I were you.

Best Bit : ‘Nearly Done’  ‘W’ Rating 11/23

 

No.324 : White Oleander (2002)

 

White Oleander (2002) at the IMDb

When you carry out a Google search on ‘W’ films, one of the most prominent is ‘White Oleander’. For some reason I’ve always avoided it. It does have a heady IMDB rating of 7.1 and boasts a stellar cast of Michelle Pfeiffer, Robin Wright Penn and Renee Zellweger as well as Billy Connolly; but it has never appealed.

Still, needs must, so here we go. To start with a ‘white oleander’ is a poisonous plant and the film concerns a girl’s journey through a succession of care homes after her mother (Pfeiffer) is put in jail after killing her boyfriend, Connolly - maybe he left one too many wee jobbies in the toilet for her liking? - the matter isn’t fully explored.

Our old friend the non-liner narrative is employed so a lot of stuff has to be pieced together, but we soon get the idea that a broken childhood is in play and that emotions and relationships are the main focus, which will need some careful analysis. You can see why this one was well down the ‘must see’ list!

To be fair the film does  keep a decent pace and your buy in is committed to early on. Alison Lohman is excellent as our main protagonist, Astrid, and you’ll probably know her from being the young Jessica Lange in ‘Big Fish’ and from ‘W‘ favourite ‘Where the Truth Lies'. The film is told from her perspective and, initially, her world seems all askew as her mother is carted off to the clink as she is placed into a succession of foster families. The first family host loads of troubled kids and they try to teach their charges the benefits of the good book. Alas the ‘good book’ seems to be the Karma Sutra as a lot of shagging and associated jealousy goes on, that sees Astrid cast out of this home and into several others.

Meanwhile Pfeiffer is writing to Astrid from prison to explain her actions and to beg forgiveness. We also get snippets of her explosive relationship with Connelly which don’t really ring true, but are fun all the same. Despite her miserable existence in a care home, Astrid does find some happiness in a fledgling relationship with Patrick Fugit, who still has his ‘Almost Famous’ haircut present and correct.

Things look up when Astrid (who at this point looks at least 20 - the actress was in fact 23) is placed with a new foster family - Renee Zellweger and her husband. This was never a promising placement as the husband was probably already having an affair, and when Zellweger goes to meet Pfeiffer in prison, we know things won’t end well. When Zellweger achieves the Guinness World record for ‘longest lie-in on record‘, Astrid is again back in the system - can she ever find happiness and freedom from her jailbird Mom who has a svengali type influence over her?

If you like ‘problem people’ this film will be a hit for you - I thought everyone involved was a bit whiny and needy, and I was glad when it was done. To be fair it was well made with the confusing and non-linear narrative well laid out, with Astrid’s suitcase dioramas being explained as the film progressed. I didn’t really buy her relationship with the boyfriend and Connolly was woefully underused - I don’t think he had a single line to camera - he's only seen in the background, being abused by Pfeiffer. Nice work if you can get it.

Pfeiffer was the standout as the chilling and controlling mother although she looked a bit too well scrubbed after years in the big house.

The main killing was only touched on and we have at assume Connolly had been fed too much of the titular plant. The point of the film was the mother-daughter relationship and it’s fair enough that the focus was on that. There just seemed to be several more interesting films going on in the background that were tantalisingly just out of reach for this viewer.

A decent effort that will no doubt resonate with many who have mother issues. I just felt it was a bit dull and unsatisfying.

Best Bit : Fun Times With Renee ‘W’ Rating 13/23

No. 322 : White Boy Rick (2018)

 

White Boy Rick at the IMDb

 Time for some true life crime biography next in the shape of this depressing and skuzzy drama that depicts the short crime life of Rick Wershe, who spent 30 odd years in jail prior to his recent release.

I had never heard of the case, but seemingly our hero was the youngest ever paid informant of the FBI at age 14 and the longest serving non-violent prisoner in the US penal system. These things considered, I had little sympathy for our protagonist and as such did not have too much affection for his bio-pic. That said, it was a decent offering but not one to love; more of a morality tale to remind you to stick in at school and not get involved in the selling of guns and narcotics. Duh.

We open with the young Richie and his Dad, Matthew McConaughey, buying firearms at a gun show. No, not me at the gym, an actual event for the sale of firearms. The 14 year old Richie spots a fake Kalashnikov which enables is Dad to get a good deal from the dealer. They make even more profit when Richie sells on the guns to the local drug lords with the addition of silencers, that Mahogany fashions in his basement.

Mahogany dreams of owing a video store - it is 1984 after all - and doesn’t mind dealing with drug pedlars, despite his own daughter being addicted to crack, if it helps to achieve his goal. Richie’s ‘in’ with the drug barons catches the attention of the FBI and soon agent Jennifer Jason Leigh has Richie on the payroll. They convince Ritchie to buy and later sell drugs so that they can infiltrate the gang. This doesn’t go well for Richie who gets a bullet in his guts for his trouble.

With no other means of support and a new baby to provide for, Richie starts to produce his own crack. Inevitably he gets caught and his FBI handlers are as much use as a cock flavoured lolly pop when Richie goes down for life. How did it end up here and can he cut a deal to earn his freedom? Is he a victim of society or a death dealer who got his just desserts?

This was a decent period offering with a great cast, but the subject matter and viewpoint weren’t to my liking and to be honest, to my mind, Richie got what he deserved. He was well played by the slow talking, but likeable Richie Merritt, but I had no sympathy for the character or his choices. It was rote large that his options were limited but he was clearly a poor drug dealer and his motivations didn’t excuse his actions.

Matthew McConaughey was good in his now familiar role of the lowlife scumbag - see ‘Killer Joe’ and his series of ‘True Detective’, but he couldn’t rescue the narrative here. He was a gun dealer who bought into his son’s drug ambitions. I liked the line when he said he’d maintained a good family and Richie pointed out he had a drug addict daughter and a screwed up son. You could say this was just a slice of life in the 1980s but why was Richie deserving of a bio-pic? He was made out to be on a path with no exits, but to accept that would be just accepting his criminal choices.

The period was well realised and there was an excellent supporting cast including a never rougher Jennifer Jason Leigh and a frankly miscast Eddie Marsan as some sort of drug lord.

The film ended with captions suggesting that Richie had been harshly treated but the film failed to elicit any sympathy from this viewer. There was no suggestion that Richie didn’t know what he was getting into, and although he inhabited a world with few options that didn’t excuse him dealing in deadly drugs.

When you have no sympathy for the lead in a bio-pic it’s hard for it to succeed but overall this was a well realised and enjoyable film, albeit one with a skewed moral compass.

Best Bit : Bruce Dern makes Pancakes ‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.315 : White Bird in a Blizzard (2014)

White Bird in a Blizzard (2014) at the IMDb

No, it’s not a National Geographic production about our feather friends in Alaska, this is a period mystery coming of age film that has a lot to like. Shailene Woodley plays Kat, a young woman growing up in the 80’s. The time line jumps around from the present day looking back, to sections set in 1988 and later on in 1991.

The film is narrated by Kat who remembers her Mum going missing and how she and her father dealt with the situation. Her mother, played by Eva Green, simply disappeared one day and despite a two year police investigation, no trace of her was ever found.

Kat stays loyal to her Dad and offers insights into her parent’s loveless marriage which saw her Mum flirting with her teenage boyfriend and Dad taking solace in his large collection of jazz mags, which he keeps in a cupboard, secured with a special combination lock. Remember that for later!

Kat sees therapist Angela Bassett and their discussions give us clues to Mum’s fate. We also explore Kat’s dreams in which she sees her Mum in a Narnia style frozen world asking for help. Kat’s boyfriend is a bit thick using lines like ‘it’s a vicious circus’ sending Kat into the arms of Detective Thomas Jane who is investigating her Mum’s case. She also confides in her friends and, after returning home from college, she starts to try and learn the truth. Are some things best left undisturbed?

I enjoyed this mystery cum rites of passage film that saw Kat’s idealised version of events slowly be unwound. When she starts to have doubts she realises that all her friends had them too and indeed tried to convince her that her downtrodden Dad may know more than he was letting on.

The 80’s were well realised and I liked the soundtrack of 80’s British bands like Depeche Mode, Pet Shop Boys and Echo and the Bunnymen. Shailene was excellent in the lead and this was basically her film. I liked her sticking up for Dad but slowly realising that he might be a bit of a dick. The clues were rote large, with the outcome not too much of a surprise - but there were a couple of wrong foots, as the suspiciously padlocked freezer was slowly opened.

The supporting cast was great with poor old Tom Jane having to once again show his ‘Hung' swordsman credentials. Nice work if you can get it. It was also good to see Laura Palmer show up as Dad’s new squeeze, although we could have seen more of her than the couple of scenes she got.

I think the film lost it’s nerve towards the end - I was quite happy with the mystery being unsolved - that’s the way most disappearances end up. Instead they went into pretty graphic detail regarding the fate of Mum and the motivation behind it. You could argue the clues were there, but there again Dad was a fan of ‘Hustler’ not something with a more male leaning!

The film was a tight 90 minutes and I liked it’s jaded melancholy feel with the world going to shit and no one able or willing to do much about it. The last act could have been handled better but I liked the mystery and detection angles and when set against a backdrop of 80’s music and fashion you have a definite winner on your hands.

Best Bit : Tom Does Some Detective Work ‘W’ rating 18/23

No.311 : Wrath of the Crows (2013)

Wrath of the Crows at the IMDb

Pretty grim Italian horror now, in the shape of this blood splattered offering which suggests a bit of mystery but really has none at all.

A group of people find themselves in a prison cell block. Nasty guards in military uniforms berate them, and they don’t know whey they are there. You basically have two options - is it a ‘Saw’ type maniac torturing them or is this a Hell or Purgatory type place? It’s the second one!

We don’t know which it is at first, but slowly we run through the motley crew of prisoners to understand how they found themselves in their current predicament. The first chap finds a white ribbon on his cell bars. This suggests that his judgement is that he is to be pardoned. Of course there is a twist and his pardon isn’t until tomorrow, which means he can be tortured in the interim. This takes the shape of him having all his teeth pulled out with pliers which we see in graphic detail. We flash back to his crime which was biting his girlfriend’s face off; so the punishment is just!

We also get a lady baby killer and another female from a circus who threw an axe into her love rival’s head. The rival is here too, and that was the first hint that we were looking at a spiritual house of correction, rather than it simply being some sadistic pervert who was calling the shots.

You also get the worst actor in living memory giving out the dinners. This actor chose, to quote ‘Tropic Thunder’, to go “full retard” and he does it in the most unconvincing manner imaginable. His back-story was that he killed a woman and ate her eyes with a spoon - so he is now condemned to be in charge of the spoons as he gives out his plates of slop. Take that irony!

After an hour a mystic chap appears, having come from an ‘Obi Wan’ tribute event. He fills out the bits of the story we haven’t guessed by explaining that they are in the soul harvesting game and, along with another character who used to be a prisoner but is in fact in on the game, they clear house ready for the next intake. Don’t let it be you!

This was a horrible film that was just plain nasty. I don’t need to see eyeballs being scooped out, or numerous faces being smashed to a pulp. I know it’s a horror film but the brutality was off putting with every character being doused in raspberry sauce before they were dispatched in an un-inventive, but nasty manner.

From the first scene I guessed they were all in purgatory and I was right. The characters were wafer thin, with old staples like the troubled priest and misunderstood witch all getting an airing. The sets and make up were decent, and at least they slotted in some flashbacks to reduce the tedium of endless cell block scenes.

There were however no surprises and nothing to keep me interested, just a cavalcade of dull characters who were judged and killed with no sign of redemption in sight. I think the learning was to be good, lest this pair of avengers put you on the list. Being condemned to watch this rubbish through again would be more likely incentive for me to reform!

Best Bit - A Day at the Circus!  ‘W’ Rating 4/23

No.299 : Whispering City (1947)

Whispering City at the IMDb

For no obvious reason the action in this film is book-ended with a man telling the story of the film to a group of people he is taking on a sightseeing sledge tour around snowy Quebec. You’d have thought that they would have preferred to hear about local attractions, but a incomprehensible yokel ranting on about a complicated murder case is fun too.

The story proper opens with a woman slowly dying in a nunnery. She calls in a reporter and gives her a few choice snippets relating to her husband’s death 20 years ago. The lady reporter, Mary, promises to come back later for more gossip but she shouldn’t bother as her source snuffs it off camera ten minutes later.

Mary heads off to speak to rich lawyer Frederic who is aghast at the news that some dark secret may be uncovered. He is wealthy by unknown sources, but spends his cash on sponsoring young artistic talents such as pianist Michel. Michel has his own troubles with a floozy wife who wears a scandalous dressing gown with frilly bits.

We learn that Frederic inherited all of the dead woman’s husband’s cash and needs to silence the tenacious reporter lest she uncover the truth of his benefactor's demise. Opportunity knocks when he visits Michel’s wife and finds her dead through suicide. He pockets the suicide note and convinces Michel that he must have killed her whilst pissed, as you do. He says he can use his lawyer skills to get him off the murder charge - but in exchange he must kill Mary.

Michel is slightly hesitant but is soon sniffing around Mary, using the old wrongly delivered flowers ruse to get into her apartment. Fortunately Mary is so lovely that he starts to fall for her and gives up an easy chance to chuck her out of the window. Frederic isn’t impressed and convinces him to take Mary to the deserted waterfall nearby. Mary smells a rat and takes a gun but we hear a scream and then cut to the ferocious waters below - has Mary been killed and will Michel escape the electric chair? Can justice prevail?

Dating from 1947 this film certainty shows its age and has one of the most obvious cliff-hangers you’ll ever see. It is quite fun however, as the ghostly Mary haunts Frederic into some rather indiscreet confessions. “Killers are haunted” he cries despite being a supposedly successful lawyer. It’s not clear but I’m guessing the ‘whispering city’ of the title is an allusion to the paranoia felt by the villain.

The film looked like a dual language affair with newspapers morphing between French and English headlines. The dashing leading man Michel couldn’t act in English so I’m guessing he was a Frenchman drafted in to balance the numbers.

Mary Anderson, as the cleverly named ’Mary’, was good in the lead - I liked her Tam O’Shanter and her drinking and smoking habits. I thought she must have been Scottish but no, she was from Alabama - must be second generation. It was all very prim with just one wee kiss at the end showing that they were now an item.

The plot was OK with just the right amount of twists and double crosses to keep me onside. There was little in the way of action, with the city and waterfall shots clearly stock footage, but the short run time kept things bubbling along. The main twist was laughable but I liked Mary emerging from the mist on a clearly back lot cemetery set as the baddie bit his knuckles.

Overall this is an average ‘B’ movie film noir that won’t linger long in the memory but didn’t offend or outstay its welcome either.

Best Bit : Cemetery Showdown ‘W’ Rating 16/23

No.287 : Whirlpool (1949)

Whirlpool at the IMDb

Black and white melodrama from 1949 now - well you have to spoil yourself sometimes. I actually quite enjoyed this one although the promised whirlpool never appeared - not even a Zanussi was on show.

The film starts Gene Tierney, who is a lady, and looks like a young Joan Collins on a good day. She helps herself to some five fingered discount at a department store but gets collared by the store detective. The store is about to call the cops but then a man shows up and points outs she’s rich and not black, so they let her go - and it was a $300 mermaid pin she nicked too!

It turns out stealing is OK if you are rich, and our lady, Ann, is independently wealthy and is married to a famous psychotherapist. I couldn’t tell you the names of any psychotherapists today, but I guess in the 1940s you had to make celebrities where you can - what with ‘Love Island’ being decades away.

Ann’s saviour, David Corvo, (Jose Ferrer) calls her up the next day and asks for a meeting. Ann suspects he’s a blackmailer and writes him a cheque for $5000 but he rips it up. Is he really a nice man or has he bigger plans for the easily suggestible Ann? We quickly know he’s a wrong ‘un when he hear of his money worries on the phone; and why has he snagged that glass with Ann’s finger prints on it? Ann is also warned off David by a former conquest of his who is suing him for the $60k (200 mermaid pins in old money) he embezzled from her.

After a few sessions with our hypnotist and fortune telling bad guy, Ann heads out after picking up some recordings and heads to a remote house. When she arrives she finds the dead body of the $60k woman and no memory of how she got there. She must have been hypnotised but you can’t make a non-killer kill under hypnosis and the main suspect is in hospital recovering from a gall bladder operation.

Will Ann get the electric chair or will her husband and the police chief engineer a way to get her off?

This was a decent offering if you can blot out the bombastic and sweeping soundtrack. It was fun to see different times with the privileged few bossing about their servants and waiters with aplomb. “You can clean up later” Ann tells her black maid with a sweep of her hand. Fuck you very much you murdering klepto!

The plot was pretty straightforward and we had no doubt as to what was happening throughout. The bad buy hypnotising himself seemed a bit daft as was the method of his downfall - just have her chuck them in the fire!

Tierney was good in the lead but a bit weak and simpering. The character may have demanded that, but I’d of hoped she may have sorted something out herself rather than rely on the men folk. I liked Ferrer as the slimy baddie with his penchant for ‘making love’ to vulnerable ladies. The stiff upper lipped and bow tied wearing husband played by Richard Conte was really dull and you can see why Ann went looking for shoplifting thrills. Filling out the cast was Charles Bickford who didn’t impress as the hard as nails police chief who, for some reason, allows a murderess and her husband out for the night for a session of deus ex machina plot resolution. Oh well, he was probably lonely due to having a dead wife.

Directed by Otto Preminger the film has good credentials and is well made. A lot of what goes on seems ridiculous now, but it’s an interesting throwback and although there is not one surprise it is an entertaining ride.

Best Bit : ‘He’s a pure shit’  ‘W’ Rating : 17/23

No.282 : Whistle Down the Wind (1961)

Whistle Down the Wind at the IMDb

Black and white English drama now as we enter the exciting worlds of kittens and people who may, or are most likely not, be Jesus Chirst. The caption card for the film reads ‘This is a Beaver Film’ - flagrant false advertising if you ask me.

We open with the henpecked Dad off ‘Fawlty Towers’ carrying a sack whilst being tailed by three young children. He chucks the sack in a pond, but this is recovered by the kids who find three kittens inside. The kids all live with their widowed Dad ( ’M’ of the James Bonds - must be deep cover) and their aunt on a farm with the attempted kitten drowner being their labourer.

The kids can’t keep the kittens and receive a few rejections including one from a Salvation Army lady who tells them that Jesus will look after them. As he isn’t immediately available the children hide the kittens in a box in the barn.

Later that night the oldest girl, Kathy (Hayley Mills) returns to feed them only to discover a bearded man in the barn who exclaims ‘Jesus Christ’ before keeling over. Taking this as an introduction rather than an expression of surprise, Kathy is convinced that their guest is the second coming and soon returns with her sister and her Dad’s best bottle of port and some bread. You know, Jesus food.

Over the course or three days the three children run errands for Jesus such as getting him some cake and fetching his gun from a railway tunnel. Meanwhile the police have a manhunt on for a murderer - could these plot threads be related?

Despite a vow of silence the kids soon blab after some encouragement from the school bully. Soon a dozen or so disciplines show up and are read to by Jesus from the holy text of ‘Shirley‘ magazine. Cracks start to show however when ‘Jesus’ lets a kitten die and the police dragnet is closing in. Will we get a massacre or is the kitten the extent of the deaths on show?

This was a nice film about innocence and about how gullible children are. That’s not fair actually, the man on the run, played by Alan Bates, never claimed to be Jesus, the kids just assumed he was. Beards must be rare in Barnsley.

The kids were all excellent and a great selection of urchins and cherubs was offered. Alan Barnes was great as the five year old Charles and it’s a pity he only made one other film. Hayley Mills does most of the work as the oldest daughter and she seemed a bit old to be so naive. I guess she just wanted to believe.

There was mild menace as the cops closed in, but I think it was good that the murderer was softened by the children rather than have him murder some in a desperate bid for freedom. No small sacrifice given this was the time of capital punishment.

The credits list Bates’ character as ‘The Man’ but the cops call him ‘Blakey’ I 'ate you credits writer!

In the end it transpired, as you’d probably have guessed, that Bates’ wasn’t Christ, he was just a naughty boy.

This was an enjoyable film which, although slight on plot, had some great performances and cracking locations.

Best Bit : ‘Get me my Jesus gun. And some fags’.  19/23

No.272 : What Keeps You Alive (2018)

What Keeps You Alive

Canadian survival drama next, as we join a couple of married ladies on their weekend away at a remote family house. You can tell from that poster that things won’t go to plan; but who’s the danger?

The couple, Jackie and Julie, have been married a year and seem very happy although they do keep their bras on when having a cuddle! We learn snippets about their lives such as Jackie is a diabetic and needs regular insulin jabs. I knew that morsel of information would be important later.

The house was built by Jackie’s uncle who had also taught her to hunt. She recalls a time when she shot a bear and she was made to eat it over the course of several days - the attitude being that you only kill what keeps you alive - That’s the name of the film!

The girls meet up with the neighbour from across the lake who knew Jackie from years back, but she knew her as ‘Megan’. We also learn that a friend ‘Jenny’ had died in unspecified circumstances. This causes Julie to question what she knows about Jackie and starts to dig deeper into her past. Huge mistake - as Jackie throws her off a cliff in what was a surprising twist. Jackie goes home to rehearse what she’ll say to the police but when she returns to the body it has gone - Julie is alive and a danger to Jackie’s insurance scam plans.

The two stalk each other through the woods and we learn that Jackie is a grade A wack job who has had a series of wives and partners who have come a cropper. Has she underestimated Julie though? Maybe, as the injured Julie is rubbish at rowing and gets taken back to the house by Jackie with a pre-planned dinner date with the neighbours all that’s keeping her alive.

The dinner party goes terribly for all concerned with the body count soon amounting to everyone in the cast. The rest of the film twist turns like a corkscrew as each lady gets the upper hand before relinquishing it - who, if anyone, will survive? And is falling from 150 feet onto rocks really that survivable?

I liked this film despite some initial misgivings. It was set up as a mystery thriller but soon became a full on battle with some cracking bone crunching injuries and logic defying twists.

The direction was well done with some inventive angles used to convey the action; with surprises flashing in from out of frame before you get a chance to say 'for fuc…'

The two leads were great with psycho Jackie well played by Amy Adams look-alike, Hannah Emily Anderson. I liked her search for Julie as she changed from concerned to resting bitch face in a heartbeat. Brittany Allen was good too, as the put upon Julie, and despite some daft character decisions she pulled off the ‘oh no my wife is mental’ role well.

The last 20 minutes was a bit of a stretch of credibility with chances to end the whole drama being lost. ‘You know what? I’ll leave the tranquillised body there - actually I’ll drive back and have a look. What she’s gone…?!’

The only others in the cast, apart from a flashback young Julie, were the neighbours Sarah and Daniel. They were thinly drawn with Daniel a drunk (he was always drinking!) and Sarah a bit of a screamer and rightly so!

The film kept up a fair pace and although we saw that cliff top a few times too many, there was enough going on to keep me interested. A bit of tighter scripting towards the end would have helped, with the final twist well telegraphed from the start. 

Still good stuff and worth your time.

W Rating 18/23  Best Bit : Going Down!

No.248 : We Are Monster (2014)

We Are Monster at the IMDb

Uplifting family fun now as we enjoy a knockabout British romp set in a young offenders institution. Actually, scratch that - this is one of the nastiest and most depressing films you’ll ever see. It could be claimed to be a drama documentary profiling a shocking case of murder and institutional ineptitude but it’s just a horrible watch that offers nothing in the way or answers or, God forbid, entertainment.

The film opens at its inevitable conclusion with a blood soaked youth being bundled out of his cell as he stands over his bloodied victim. There is no explanation but we are then shuttled back a few weeks so that we can understand how we got here. To be honest they could have covered the ground in two minutes - mental racist kills Asian cell mate. Still if they’d went that way we wouldn’t have had the full 90 minutes of nihilistic fun and racial slurs.

The subject of the film, which is ‘based on a true story’, is Robert a self tattooed racist who has been in the system for years. He is in for threatening a call centre worker and seems off balance from the start. Before long he starts talking with himself - literally as his nasty persona takes form as himself whom only he can see. This leads to lots of scene where he is egging himself on to greater and greater feats of nastiness whilst the P.O.V.s of other prisoners show him to be talking to an empty seat.

The prison officers, who include Clem Fandango, aren’t much use and aren’t shy of a bit of casual racism themselves. They put Robert in a cell with Asian youth Zahid who is in for stealing razor blades - before long he’s going to wish he went with a beard! Zahid tried to be friendly but backs off when Robert gets more aggressive and introverted. Zahid is due to be released in a few days so resolves to keep his head down.

Robert meanwhile starts to delve into his past and tries to rationalise his situation. The film does the same with an abusive childhood and faults in the system the reason for Robert’s mental state. Some of these scenes were well done with his brown underpants wearing father beating him up as a child for wetting the bed. The film isn’t too apologist for Robert’s ultimate act but you do get the sense that they are showing him to be a victim too.

As the film moves towards its inevitable climax we are left to wonder what could have been done differently and what have we learned. Should we have watched that Adam Sandler comedy instead? Maybe!

This is an impossible film to like with its endless racist rants and unsubtle swipes at authority and society. They was an effort to explain Robert’s actions but that veered away from his own responsibility and while he was broken by the system he’s still a murdering scumbag with no redeeming features.

The film was hung on the central performance of Leeshon Alexander as Robert and he did OK with a difficult dual role. As ‘normal’ Robert he was too starey and manic and as his alter ego he was annoying and shouty. He did have difficult material to work with though, as he was spouting a lot of garbage that even the KKK would see as a tad extreme.

The closing captions of the film lay all the blame at the authorities’ door, and of course there were shortcomings, but to make apologies for the central scumbag didn’t sit right and you have to wonder about the point of the whole enterprise. The film’s vibe was hateful throughout and all I came away with was a grubby feeling for having watched the whole grim spectacle.

Best Bit - No I can’t hear you Clem Fandango
‘W’ Rating - 8/23

No.245 : What Richard Did (2012)

What Richard Did at the IMDb

 If you regard knowing ‘What Richard Did’ as a spoiler, walk away now as it would be hard to discuss the film without mentioning the pivotal event. You’d probably guess anyway - it’s hardly going be that he cheated at Scrabble or something.

This is an Irish film from 2012 with an unknown cast and an almost drama-documentary approach to the storytelling. The characters all chat over each other and there is very little in the way of music, but you are drawn in and the film makes you feel like an onlooker to actual events.

The titular Richard is a young Irish rugby player. He has rich parents who own a beach house and he is the leader of his group of pals. They all look up to him and we see him carrying out good deeds such as taking a youngster under his wing and helping a girl on the verge of being date raped. These philanthropic traits are however seen in a different light later on when his skills at lying as used for less worthy goals and he is also seen to have weaknesses of his own.

The first half hour of the film is taken up with Richard and his friends heading to the beach house having bought a cargo of beer. You wonder what the point of it all is, as it trundles along with meandering scenes and largely pointless dialogue. It does well at setting the tension levels however as you are keen to know what it is that he did and when he’s going to do it - it’s Itchy and Scratchy heading to the fireworks  factory all over again!

Although handsome, fit and a friend to all we gradually get the idea that Richard maybe isn’t all he’s cracked up to with throwaway comments about people’s accents and bulimics suggesting he may be more of a dick than we initially thought. Things come to a head when he jealously sits at a party watching his new girlfriend chat to friends including a former boyfriend, and team mate of Richard, Conor.

After brooding outside the party for a while Richard confronts Conor and the two fight. After Conor gets a beating from Richard with the aid of his rugby mates, Richard gives him a final kick to the head before heading home. The next morning they learn that Conor has died of his injuries and the remainder of the film deals with the fallout. Will Richard come clean to the police or will he try to escape the consequences of his actions?

I enjoyed this moral drama and, although slightly ambiguous in its ending, I’m sure that the seeds peppered throughout the film pointed towards Richard’s character flaws dictating his final response. Although hanging on one event and decision the 85 minute film didn’t seem padded with a lot of effort put into the character development that ensured the subsequent revelations were well earned.

There were lots of scenes that ended abruptly or seemed to have little relevance but the compound effect of these was to make you feel like a voyeur peeping into the lives of others. The acting was top notch and Jack Reynor did a good job as Richard, making him likable but objectionable all at once.

At the end I don’t think there was much in the way of ambiguity and you could level accusations against the film of not having much to say. It is however an intense character piece and a great example of someone being built up and then slowly dismantled by his flaws.

‘W’ Rating 17/23
Best bit : Going for the 3 points!

No.223 : Wild Horses (2015)

Wild Horses at the IMDb

 Robert Duvall wrote, directed and starred in this contemporary western and had his wife cast in the lead - so is this a showcase for his undoubted skills or a dull vanity project that merits its IMDb score of 4/10?

Duvall plays an ageing Texan rancher who bears the weight of secrets of the past. His gay son’s lover disappeared 15 years previously and a new lady Texas Ranger is keen to reopen the case. What she unearths starts other family skeletons to be rattled from the closet and something has to give.

The film opens in flashback and we’re not clear how the boy died, only that Duvall was there at the time. An undercurrent runs throughout the film that he may have been killed die to redneck intolerances to homosexuality but they seemed keen to skirt round the issue with only passing references to James Franco’s character being gay, and there weren’t any love scenes for him or discussions on his situation. It did shine through that Duvall was the screenwriter as it almost seemed like an old fashioned ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ when the film was crying out for the prejudices to be explored. Still he did duff up some homophobes in a bar, so that’s all right then.

Duvall’s wife Luciana isn’t convincing as the no-nonsense Ranger who smells a Duvall shaped rat and sets her sights on him. English clearly isn’t her first language and her delivery is one note and emotion free. She does get a couple of action scenes, including a low rent car chase, but her part is thin. Her deductions don’t always ring true, but to be fair she says hello to Duvall and straight away he has the hit men on her - not exactly the subtle approach!

Other plot threads that get exposed but not necessarily resolved include corrupt policeman who are dealing drugs with border crossing Mexicans and the paternity of their Mexican looking friend who has lived with them for years but definitely not the result of Duvall getting jiggy with the staff.

The cast was impressive but they get nothing much to do. Josh Hartnett is wasted as the second son and I find it hard to remember any meaningful scene he took part in. The usually good James Franco has nothing to work with in what should have been a good and conflicted character. He seemed nonplussed at his boyfriend disappearing and his reaction at the eventual resolution was muted at best.

I didn’t buy into the dialogue either with lots of improbably moving and articulate speeches being utter by characters who were meant to be red necks or 'good old boy' type farmhands. Duvall talks real slow, as is his way, but he lacked the gravitas and deep rooted resentment that his character was supposed to demonstrate.

Overall this was a wasted opportunity. They had a great cast and locations and a potentially interesting plot, but what was delivered was a flat and wordy borefest that I’ve largely forgotten already.

‘W’ Score - 10/23
Best Bit - Rednecks don’t read the script and start a bar fight

No.217 : Werewolf in a Girls’ Dormitory (1961)

Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory at the IMDb

Sometimes a fish jumps into your boat and there’s no way a film with a title like this will let down the expectant viewer... What? 1961, no grisly deaths or bad girls frolicking in the shower? Oh well…

This black and white ‘classic’ has a few other names like ‘The Ghoul in the School’ which is certainly more apt given that no werewolf of any accepted form is even sighted. Hairy hands don’t count.

The film is set in a girls reform school. They are all bad ladies but are also all attractive and have perfect figures - ‘Orange is the New Black’ this is not. We meet the girls as they do their exercises in the most buttoned up gear you can imagine. They are distracted by the arrival of a new teacher and one fakes a faint to grab this hunk’s attention. Alas he has a date with the headmaster where we learn he has a secret past the prevents him working as a doctor - here he has to be a professor.

The girls don’t get up to much in the way of horseplay - no naked pillow fights for example - but they do put it about somewhat with the locals much to the excitement of the Peter Lorre-esque maintenance man, Walter. One especially slutty girl - we get a flash of leg - Mary, breaks curfew and meets a local worthy whom she is blackmailing. Her plan goes south when she gets attacked by a pair of hairy hands. We don’t know to whom they belong but she gets slashed to death for her trouble - almost loses her top button too - phew!

The death upsets the headmaster somewhat but not as much as you’d think. Various candidates for the wolfy one are rolled out with the new professor the most likey - so it won’t be him then. Foxy Priscilla starts her own investigation but nearly comes a cropper when she is attacked by the wolf man in all his glory. It’s just a man in a suit with some fur stuck to his face but after an hour of boredom we’ll take what we get. Luckilly Pricsilla is saved by a dog named ‘Wolf’ which is plain confusing. Wolf gets a bite on the wolfman’s arm so the search is on for someone with a sore arm - like the Professor!

Things rumble on with a couple of suspects ruled out before the big reveal. Can the ladies be saved from the hairy handed one and will it be who we think? (Yes).

Given this was made in 1961 I had no expectation that this would be a sexy gorefest but it was tamer than a Tom and Jerry cartoon with the frying pans removed. It is well shot with the classy bad girls nice to look at, although hardly convincing as a bunch of reprobates.

They make absolutely no attempt at a transformation although they do one in reverse which was like some play-doh being lifted off in slow motion. There was very little blood on show and even less flesh - I believe I mentioned? It was however decent fun with some broadly drawn characters trying to outdo each other in the badly dubbed stakes.

Overall it’s a narrow pass but they need to watch about that flagrant false advertising - I mean the ‘werewolf’ never even made it into the dorm!

Best Bit - Wolf saves the day
‘W’ Rating - 12/23

No.209 : Wild Tales (2014)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3011894/

Sometimes in life one’s pointless endeavours collide, as has happened here when my desire, nay need, to keep up to date with all the films on the IMDb Top 250 list produced an unseen ‘W’ film. To be honest it’s actually a ‘R’ film  as the title is ‘Relatos Salvages’ but given my meagre readership can barely understand English, never mind Spanish, I’ll go with the translation ‘Wild Tales’ as that’s what’s on the poster.

The film is from Argentina, a country you may feel is better suited to steaks and invading, but to be fair this is pretty good and was that country’s Foreign Film entry to the 2015 Oscars - didn’t win though!

Six standalone vignettes, or stories to you, make up the film and each focuses on an element of extreme behaviour, with things normally starting out in a sedate manner, before flying wildly off the tracks. You sometimes see films like ‘Happiness’ use the multiple strand format and then intertwine the stories so that the man in story one is a patient of the doctor in story three and the plumber in story two cleans the septic tank of the woman in story four, but not here. Each story stands alone with a separate cast and is about twenty minutes long, which is helpful if you need to frequently visit the toilet or fridge.

The first story concerns two passengers on a flight who, after a brief conversation, discover they have a person in common. Another passenger pitches in that she knows him too before it is quickly established that everyone on the flight has crossed paths with this one mysterious figure. Is it a cosmic coincidence or are more sinister forces in play? It’s the second one! This story only lasts a few minutes and is played out before the titles, ably setting the tone for what is to follow.

Next up a waitress encounters a rude customer whom she recognises as the man who drove her father to suicide. The female chef encourages her to lace his dinner with rat poison arguing that his death will be attributed to the food rather than poison - clearly  not a restaurant to seek out! Things are complicated when the man’s son appears and starts helping himself to the chips - is the food poisoned? and can this end well?

A familiar opening next as a driver is held up on the road by a slow moving banger. Given it's the middle of nowhere the driver giving the finger on passing can’t be a good idea and so it proves when he gets a flat and his tormentor pulls up behind. An escalating game then plays out with a nice line in being dumped upon taking centre stage. Once again things start to spiral towards an inevitable but satisfying conclusion.

By now you have an idea where the film’s mindset is and when the next character is introduced carrying out his day job as a demolition expert you know the parking attendants who blight his life would do well to leave him alone. Of course they don’t and although the pay off is the most predictable of the stories, it was well handled as was the fall out of his actions.

The penultimate story opens with a spoiled rich boy arriving home in Daddy’s bashed up car. We learn that he has hit and killed a pregnant woman and rather than leave him to take his medicine his father and his lawyer try to buy his way out of the crime by bribing the local prosecutor and by paying his handyman to take the rap. The seedy plan starts to unravel when everyone gets greedy and the wages of sin hold their usual pitfalls.

The last story is the longest and perhaps the weakest. At her wedding reception a bride discovers her husband’s infidelity and sets about evening the score by copping off with a chef and smashing up her rival. As the cake hits the deck can the marriage be pulled back from the brink?

As with any anthology some stories are stronger than others but this film does well to maintain a consistently high standard. The acting was excellent and I was willing on the often reprehensible characters. There were plenty of surprises and a few laugh out loud moments as well as plenty to ponder.

If foreign language films aren't usually your thing, give this a go. The stories are brief and demonstrate that the human foibles we possess are universal and if you don’t take to a set up or the characters there’s another story and cast just a few minutes away.

Best Bit - Incoming! 20/23

No.189 : Widow on the Hill (2005)

Widow on the Hill at the IMDb

Made for TV true crime drama next - you can accuse us of cherry picking here at the 'W' Movie Blog.

Natasha Henstridge stars as Linda, the titular widow who is a nurse with a penchant for low cut tops. The film has the narrative device of a TV show interviewing Linda as she faces a murder charge. The story is then told in flashback with occasional cuts to the present day as the interview develops. We learn from the off that Linda has been accused of killing her new husband, James Brolin.

We meet James in livelier times as a wealthy landowner whose wife is dying. He hires a nurse from an agency and gets Natasha - Bingo! James’ daughters don’t like the new lady in their Dad’s life and worry she’s a gold digger. Pretty soon James’ wife shuffles off and in no time Natasha is in the wife’s fur coat and in his bed. Her sexy style turns the old man’s head and she’s married to him in no time flat.

His daughters however fail to be won over especially as the new wedding ring is the one mum promised to her daughter. The lovely Natasha starts to woo her way into the county set but we all know she’s after his cash - or is she? Have we been seduced by the evil schemer or does she really just have a taste for James’ silver locks and outdoorsy style?

It’s not long before she starts shagging the staff and threatening the family - can this total bitch get away with ruining the family and inheriting the house?

This was a decent enough TV drama but there wasn’t too much to recommend it apart from Natasha running about in a fetching black bra and panties set. Her character was thinly drawn and we knew she was a wrong ‘un from the off with her scheming and manipulating. She didn’t offer much that would garner our sympathies and although she was set up to be a villain she just came across as a bit of a bitch.

Brolin is always likeable but he lacked believability as the rich sucker being drawn in by feminine wiles. His two suspicious daughters were just annoying and the supposedly drunk one didn’t look like she'd ever had as much as a sweet sherry.

The narrative device of the news show was a decent stab at keeping us guessing with the story being broken down to small chunks, with the present day Linda commenting on the events we’d just seen. There was no prospect of any surprises however with Brolin’s fate sealed before we met him. The script was so biased against the slutty wife that we knew the outcome early on but it was good fun to see how evil she could get while wearing a succession of bras.

It was a strange choice to have the whole film build up to the trial and then cover the court action itself with a couple of on screen captions. Maybe they ran out of cash or indeed underwear.

The production values were decent enough but it was essentially a family drama set in a small town so it didn’t need a Death Star or cast of thousands. It wasn’t anything to rave about but it’s certainly worth a look if you catch it on late night TV.

‘W’ Score 15/23

No.186 : Wish You Were Here (2012)

Wish You Were Here at IMDb

Not to be confused with the 1987 Emily Lloyd film (see No.117)  this ‘Wish You Were Here’ is a 2012 mystery drama with a non-linear narrative and a lot to like. The lack of a question mark in the title makes it sound more of a plaintive plea than an invitation, and as the film develops you can see that was totally the intent.

We open with a high energy holiday being enjoyed by four friends in Cambodia. There is a rocking soundtrack as they party on the beach and eat insects without a care in the world, but the cares are in the post, don’t you worry. As the credits sequence ends the bright lights and rave music are replaced with a haunted man walking through a sodden field as the sun comes up. Something has happened and what follows is the story of the night before. A bit like ‘The Hangover’ with less slapstick.

The four friends are Dave, a kind of tubby Russell Crowe who looks constantly drunk, his wife Alice and her sister Steph and Steph’s new boyfriend, Jeremy. The four head off on the bender as Alice is six months pregnant and it’s their last chance to party before their brood expands to three. We quickly learn that only three of the friends returned home, with Jeremy’s ticket going unused.

At first it looks like a straight forward missing person case but as we learn more about the past through flashbacks we know that secrets and lies abound. The family is wrenched apart when Dave admits to having sex with Steph and the police’s interest in Jeremy’s business interests mean his fate is looking bad. As the customs dog sniffs its way through the warehouse will his disappearance be down to a business deal gone bad or to something a bit closer to home?

Meanwhile Dave has spotted a sinister car tracking his movements and his wife is taking on an unhealthy taste for wine as her baby's arrival dawns. Let’s hope she remembers to buckle up!

I really enjoyed this Aussie slice of life as heavy drinking and infidelity spell all manor of trouble for our hapless bunch. Don’t get me wrong, there’s not a laugh to be had, but their headlong lunges towards oblivion leave you with your fingers over your eyes in places.

The narrative is all over the shop as we are slowly drip fed snippets of information in flashback which serve to dismiss our theories as soon as they develop. The outcome in a Glittering bar wasn’t expected but it put all the pieces neatly and satisfyingly in place.

The cast were uniformly good but for the most part it was a two man show with Dave and Alice shining as their marriage crumbled as the secrets of the holiday were exposed. The editing was excellent and there was never any confusion over where we were in the story with the Cambodia scenes that bit brighter and, helpfully, always containing Cambodian characters.

The police detection angle and the scene with the missing Jeremy’s parents were mostly padding but the sense of doom was well handled as Dave’s infidelity was as big a blow as the other stuff that threatened to engulf them all. I’m being deliberately vague as the unfolding story is really worth your investment. All in all this was an excellent and unsettling 90 minutes and well worth your time.

Best Bit “Tonight’s Special Offer Is…
‘W’ Score 19/23

No.179 : Web of Lies (2009)

Web of Lies at the IMDB

A film so obscure now that I had to make my own screen grab of the title card. The only image I could find on the web was the ‘sexy’ one below - you can’t say we don’t give you the full nine yards here at the 100 W Movies Quest!

The film’s low profile is down to it being a TV movie and an awful one at that, but let’s check out that plot before slagging it off.

We open with a girl running through a city with her headphones on. She’s dressed in a hoodie so we don’t know if she’s a jogger or a mugger but she serves to give us some nice city shots which no doubt pleased the Montreal Tourist Board. The girl turns out to be our heroine, Abby, who on arriving at her apartment is surprised by an uninvited guest. It turns out to be a sexy surprise as it is her unreliable boyfriend, Josh.

The pair have some of that movie sex where they are wrapped in the sheets tighter than a pair of mummies before falling asleep. All is not well however as Josh uses the post coital lull to access Abby’s laptop and upload a programme. He leaves the next morning but is seemingly blown up in his car - I say 'seemingly' as the budget only stretched to having some flammable jelly set alight on the bonnet.

Being a trouper Abby returns to her work as a computer programmer for a security firm and manages to do a ‘hacking for thickies’ demonstration for some investors and indeed the slow witted viewers who have stayed on board this long. Her boss congratulates her on a job well done but her triumph is short lived when two FBI agents arrive to advise that Josh is a notorious hacker who seduces lady programmers to get into their systems and presumably, their pants.

Abby is worried that her kick ass programme may have been compromised and soon finds she has been set up in an account with $10 millions. Rather than run off with the cash she starts a long quest to figure out who she can trust and how she can restore her reputation. You see ‘Web of Lies’ is a clever title - it’s a pun on the internet or something!

This was a real effort of a film to watch with acting that would make a soap opera blush. It looked more like a film school effort than TV movie with some of the actors nothing of the kind. The comic relief assistant and the excitable boss were dreadful but the lady FBI agent topped the lot with  her complex and variously motivated character a mystery to all, including the viewer.

The film did have a few surprises, but so does a bad curry and some of the computer wizardry was patently ridiculous to anyone whose ever waited five minutes for Firefox too boot up. There was a decent stab at reassessing what had gone before with previously related events replayed in monochrome from a different character’s perspective to make you second guess the plot, but it didn’t work and seemed gimmicky at best.

The big scam which was original to anyone who’s never seen ‘Superman 3’ or ‘Office Space’ or basically any film involving computers was the old ‘fractions of pennies being shaved off’ routine but at least it did try to evolve beyond this. Sadly the expanded scam was basically stealing cash using a laptop, although efforts to clue the thickies in with demos involving coasters and sugar packets were used to muddy the waters somewhat.

You won’t know any of the leads and won’t remember them after this either. The actress playing Abby was a poor man’s Scarlett Johansson and she was offered no support from a feeble douche with floppy hair. If you are into watching films with a detached sense of irony ‘Web of Lies’ may do it for you, but for anyone who values each 90 minutes of their lives it’s definitely best avoided.

Best Bit : Hello Heads of Computer Conglomerates - this is a computer - Duh!
W Score 5/23

No.77 : Witness (1985)

Witness at the IMDb

Recently widowed Amish mother Rachel and her young son leave their isolated community to visit a relative. During a stop over in the big city her son, Samuel, witnesses the brutal murder of a man we later learn was police undercover operative. Detective John Book (Harrison Ford) interviews the boy and shows him mug shots without success, but an departmental conspiracy is uncovered when the boy spots a picture of the murderer in a police trophy cabinet.

Book quickly realises that the bad guy (Danny Glover), is responsible for some missing drug evidence and goes to his superior with the case. Unfortunately he’s dirty too, a point proven when Glover comes gunning for him. Now unable to trust anyone Book takes flight with the boy and his mother back to the Amish community. He plans to leave immediately but is hampered by a bullet wound inflicted by Glover that starts to get infected. Over a period of time he recovers but is warned by his partner not to return as it’s too hot for him in the city.

He gradually settles into the community and a touch of romance blossoms with Rachel. Things come to a head however, when a run in with a bunch of rednecks put him on the police radar and the bad guys come calling.

This film has a great cast and excellent director in the shape of Peter Weir. The script won the best screenplay Oscar and it enjoys a reasonably high score of 7.5/10 on the IMDb. I just didn’t enjoy it that much, sorry.

The first thing that put me off the film was the score, which admittedly is of its era, but it just sounded like a funky episode of ‘Miami Vice’ a lot of the time. When the bad guys appeared it went all doom laden, but jaunty when they were raising the barn. Setting the mood is one thing but so is hitting you over the head with a mallet.

The fish out of water scenario that saw Book enter the backwards world of the Amish also didn’t gel for me as he seemed to be getting along fine. Apart from a couple of sniffs in the beginning he was quickly embraced by the insular people and he didn’t seem to mind the lack of buttons at all. There were some lines that suggested he was unhappy with his city life that involved no wife and kids but I didn't get the impression that he was getting fulfilled here either - just as stony faced really.

The blossoming romance with the somewhat chubby Kelly McGillis was slightly better and he became a dirty Book when he got a look at her charms. The energy didn't really sparkle between the pair however, and I don’t think him hanging up his gun was ever really a consideration.

I was also less than impressed by the bad guys who were pretty thinly drawn. Danny Glover, who gives good value in the ‘Lethal Weapons’ films, is really bad but has nothing to work with . The corrupt Chief didn't ring true either and he certainly didn't come across as a bad ass murderer with $20 million of drug cash in his back pocket.

There are some things to like such as the insights into the Amish and a funny scene where some rednecks pick on the wrong carriage to harass, but overall it’s a pretty straight forward three act drama with precious little in the way of character development.


Best Bit : Kelly has a scrub down


‘W’ Score : 14/23