No.315 : White Bird in a Blizzard (2014)

White Bird in a Blizzard (2014) at the IMDb

No, it’s not a National Geographic production about our feather friends in Alaska, this is a period mystery coming of age film that has a lot to like. Shailene Woodley plays Kat, a young woman growing up in the 80’s. The time line jumps around from the present day looking back, to sections set in 1988 and later on in 1991.

The film is narrated by Kat who remembers her Mum going missing and how she and her father dealt with the situation. Her mother, played by Eva Green, simply disappeared one day and despite a two year police investigation, no trace of her was ever found.

Kat stays loyal to her Dad and offers insights into her parent’s loveless marriage which saw her Mum flirting with her teenage boyfriend and Dad taking solace in his large collection of jazz mags, which he keeps in a cupboard, secured with a special combination lock. Remember that for later!

Kat sees therapist Angela Bassett and their discussions give us clues to Mum’s fate. We also explore Kat’s dreams in which she sees her Mum in a Narnia style frozen world asking for help. Kat’s boyfriend is a bit thick using lines like ‘it’s a vicious circus’ sending Kat into the arms of Detective Thomas Jane who is investigating her Mum’s case. She also confides in her friends and, after returning home from college, she starts to try and learn the truth. Are some things best left undisturbed?

I enjoyed this mystery cum rites of passage film that saw Kat’s idealised version of events slowly be unwound. When she starts to have doubts she realises that all her friends had them too and indeed tried to convince her that her downtrodden Dad may know more than he was letting on.

The 80’s were well realised and I liked the soundtrack of 80’s British bands like Depeche Mode, Pet Shop Boys and Echo and the Bunnymen. Shailene was excellent in the lead and this was basically her film. I liked her sticking up for Dad but slowly realising that he might be a bit of a dick. The clues were rote large, with the outcome not too much of a surprise - but there were a couple of wrong foots, as the suspiciously padlocked freezer was slowly opened.

The supporting cast was great with poor old Tom Jane having to once again show his ‘Hung' swordsman credentials. Nice work if you can get it. It was also good to see Laura Palmer show up as Dad’s new squeeze, although we could have seen more of her than the couple of scenes she got.

I think the film lost it’s nerve towards the end - I was quite happy with the mystery being unsolved - that’s the way most disappearances end up. Instead they went into pretty graphic detail regarding the fate of Mum and the motivation behind it. You could argue the clues were there, but there again Dad was a fan of ‘Hustler’ not something with a more male leaning!

The film was a tight 90 minutes and I liked it’s jaded melancholy feel with the world going to shit and no one able or willing to do much about it. The last act could have been handled better but I liked the mystery and detection angles and when set against a backdrop of 80’s music and fashion you have a definite winner on your hands.

Best Bit : Tom Does Some Detective Work ‘W’ rating 18/23

No.314 : What They Had (2018)

What They Had at the IMDb

I listened to a good Nerdist podcast with Michael Shannon recently, and thought I’d have a look at what he’s been up to. He was aces in ‘Boardwalk Empire’ and in ‘The Shape of Water’ and clearly likes to keep himself busy. We have looked at two of his more recent endeavours over at the Definite Article blog in the shape of ‘The Quarry’ and ‘The Harvest’ with this 2018 film representing his latest ‘W’ offering. Can’t say he doesn’t provide for his audience!

The film is a family drama about the onset of Alzheimer's in the elderly mother. Don’t run away - at least that’s what they should have told the old girl who goes for a wander in the middle of the night in a Chicago snow storm.

Her husband Robert Forster calls his local bar owing son Michael Shannon who in turn calls the daughter Hilary Swank. They manage to find the old lady but realise that they have problems to address. Shannon wants the old bird moved into a home as he bears the brunt of looking after his agent parents and is struggling to cope. Forster and Swank however want her to stay at home. Catholic Forster is committed to his marriage and the vows he made. His children are less devout and fear telling dad that they have lapsed.

Of course everyone has to have their own issues so Swank is in a loveless marriage and has a wayward daughter who is dropping out of college and Shannon craves acceptance from his Dad who doesn’t like his life choices. A right old barrel of laughs then!

In truth there are plenty of wry moments, usually from the forgetful mother who starts hitting on her son and tries to answer a stapler when the phone rings. As the family bump together over the Christmas holidays some home truths are aired and everyone grows somewhat, as Mum’s fate is decided.

I liked this film despite it being a ‘problem people’ cookie cutter special. Blyth Danner did well as the bewildered Mum although a lot of her escapades seemed a bit unlikely and scripted. There was no self fouling or losing her bus pass just little comedy moments where we could  sympathise and empathise all at once. Swank was good was the daughter although she seems a bit fit and focused to be the mess she was portraying. She did however have a funny sequence where she awkwardly flirts with a builder whilst wearing her mother’s blouse and drinking Scotch.

Shannon was also worth the ticket as the son, although his redemption was probably the slightest, with his Dad drinking at his bar his only win - hope he left a tip.Forster, in one of his last performances, was excellent as the struggling husband unable to keep a grasp of his true love as she faded away.

Overall a difficult subject was explored with humour and warmth and, although you may come away thinking it worked out a bit pat, at least it wasn't two hours of shouting at the man in the tree whilst wearing a nappy. Maybe that's being saved for the sequel.

Best Bit : Hilary works the builder  ‘W’ Rating  17/23

No.313 : What If (2013)

What If at the IMDb

First world problems now as a group of attractive 30 somethings try to navigate the exiting world of relationships in this likeable comedy drama.

Harry Potter himself stars as Wallace, a medical school drop out who found his girlfriend had cheated on him, just as his parents had on each other. Not surprisingly he’s cynical about relationships but has a spark when he meets Chantry, a cute animator whose illustrations pop up throughout the film. She does that annoying thing of mentioning her boyfriend a lot but we suspect that the pair will get together because, you know, films.

Wallace has a flatmate in the shape of Adam Driver who gives out terrible advice. He has a girlfriend and is in the cousin of Chantry and is against the ‘incestuous’ proto-relationship - but he’s not really.

Our dream couple enter the friend zone and find out they have a lot in common such as Elvis sandwiches and going to the pictures on their own. Chantry is torn when her boyfriend’s job takes him to Dublin for a year and she spends more time with the puppy dog Potter. After some initial shyness, when he makes him close his eye before helping her off with a dress, they soon graduate to full on skinny dipping.

A few obstacles fall into our heroes' paths but can they get together before the film ends? You bet!

I’m always a sap for a romantic comedy and this was no exception. Harry was good in the lead doing his self effacing Englishman part. He has some good lines and a cynical outlook - I like his reply ‘Nothing’s too slutty for you’ when Chantry asked if her a dress made her look easy.

It was good that the boyfriend wasn’t portrayed as a total dick with only a small hint that he may have been cheating on Chantry. Potter did come across as a bit of a creep when relegated to the friend zone and I imagine in real life the girl would just have had him collecting her dry cleaning forever more in the outside hope he may get a drunken fumble one day.

As always Adam Driver, the best thing in the film with our blog enjoying his recent outings in While We're Young. He was clearly deserving of a big break and it’s just a shame it came in those lamentable 'Star Wars’ films. In this he was very much a supporting character but I always enjoyed his scenes which were usually full of some outrageous patter and advice.

Zoe Kazan was good as Chantry although her character was a bit annoying. It was like she kept engineering ways to avoid the inevitable. The fall out scene at the café was classic ‘pain in the arse’ woman and why Potter went back for another try can only be explained by her looking cute in her undies.

If you are looking for surprises or even some sex and violence, you won’t find it here. I could see this film having a large following amongst those looking for a way to be more than just good friends with the option of their affections. Still a chance!

There was no peril and no doubt as to how things would turn out but that’s not what the film aspired to. Get them matched up in 100 minutes and it’s warm feelings all round - Romanticanus!

Best Bit : Beach Party  16/23

No.312 : Water (2019)

Water (2109) at the IMDb

You know your picture isn’t going to be of the best quality when the best credit you can find for any of the cast is something called ‘Atomic Shark’ which has a shark with a nuke on its back for the poster. In fact most of the cast don’t even have their photo on IMDb which is probably explained by the fact that none of them appear to be actors.

We open with a man getting frisky on a lounger by the pool with his lady friend at night. She asks him about leaving his wife and fortunately she can ask her herself as she’s just come home. The wife has rushed home with news of her pregnancy but when she sees the sexy goings on she grabs a knife and goes on the rampage. There is a quick cut so we don’t know what happens but the wife ends up stabbed in the pool.

The girlfriend is quite happy with this turn of events and the pair chop up the body with an axe and burn the pieces. The man, Frank, decides he might as well go for the double and kills the girlfriend too. He calls in the cops and has enough influence as a top doctor to ally any suspicions. A year passes and Frank gets a call fro the insurance company - how would he like the wife’s $11m insurance payout? He celebrates with his new girlfriend in the pool but just as she’s getting down to earning her cut both she and Frank disappear into the water.

All the while, simpleton handyman Daryl is wandering about seeing things and talking to himself. He too gets a tickle in the pool but gets out after monetarily blacking out. Time passes and a real estate agent and his girlfriend take a midnight dip they soon regret before another family move in. This chap is an English movie producer and they move in after their adopted daughter is saved from drowning in the pool by a realtor. At least that’s what they think - we get an underwater shot of a mermaid like creature rescuing the girl.

The family sense something not right about the house - mostly water based things like the shower going cold and taps turning on. Maybe it’s haunted by the ghost of Super Mario? They try an exorcism but that’s a waste of time and we have to wonder who will get dragged into the pool next and what is behind this horror? Apart from the script, acting etc.

This was an awful film with the worst acting you’ll have ever seen, as long you missed ‘Albion Market’. The cast all crash each others lines and a lot of the script looks improvised, as characters trail off without finishing their…

There is plenty of sex to spice things up with the ladies of the cast looking like a job lot form some backstreet boob implant emporium. One lady takes her top off and her boob remains in the same flattened shape as her basque top. Breath out luv and it will pop straight back out.

I’m not sure of the pool’s motivation - it was a sort of moral guardian allowing only those not getting up to hanky panky to escape its watery tendrils. No one really notices the pool based issues, especially the police who keep telling people not to leave town and that’s it. The characters tend to avoid the pool later on but this is solved by the pool’s mystical ‘drag ‘em in feature’.

There was no effort at an explanation - maybe it used to be an ancient Indian burial pool? To be fair I did have a few laughs and the cast didn’t seem to be taking it that seriously so there’s no reason for the viewer to either. The film probably just hits the required level to be deemed ‘so rubbish it’s good'. But not that good.

Best Bit : The overacting albino priest doing an exorcism ‘W’ Rating 9/23

No.311 : Wrath of the Crows (2013)

Wrath of the Crows at the IMDb

Pretty grim Italian horror now, in the shape of this blood splattered offering which suggests a bit of mystery but really has none at all.

A group of people find themselves in a prison cell block. Nasty guards in military uniforms berate them, and they don’t know whey they are there. You basically have two options - is it a ‘Saw’ type maniac torturing them or is this a Hell or Purgatory type place? It’s the second one!

We don’t know which it is at first, but slowly we run through the motley crew of prisoners to understand how they found themselves in their current predicament. The first chap finds a white ribbon on his cell bars. This suggests that his judgement is that he is to be pardoned. Of course there is a twist and his pardon isn’t until tomorrow, which means he can be tortured in the interim. This takes the shape of him having all his teeth pulled out with pliers which we see in graphic detail. We flash back to his crime which was biting his girlfriend’s face off; so the punishment is just!

We also get a lady baby killer and another female from a circus who threw an axe into her love rival’s head. The rival is here too, and that was the first hint that we were looking at a spiritual house of correction, rather than it simply being some sadistic pervert who was calling the shots.

You also get the worst actor in living memory giving out the dinners. This actor chose, to quote ‘Tropic Thunder’, to go “full retard” and he does it in the most unconvincing manner imaginable. His back-story was that he killed a woman and ate her eyes with a spoon - so he is now condemned to be in charge of the spoons as he gives out his plates of slop. Take that irony!

After an hour a mystic chap appears, having come from an ‘Obi Wan’ tribute event. He fills out the bits of the story we haven’t guessed by explaining that they are in the soul harvesting game and, along with another character who used to be a prisoner but is in fact in on the game, they clear house ready for the next intake. Don’t let it be you!

This was a horrible film that was just plain nasty. I don’t need to see eyeballs being scooped out, or numerous faces being smashed to a pulp. I know it’s a horror film but the brutality was off putting with every character being doused in raspberry sauce before they were dispatched in an un-inventive, but nasty manner.

From the first scene I guessed they were all in purgatory and I was right. The characters were wafer thin, with old staples like the troubled priest and misunderstood witch all getting an airing. The sets and make up were decent, and at least they slotted in some flashbacks to reduce the tedium of endless cell block scenes.

There were however no surprises and nothing to keep me interested, just a cavalcade of dull characters who were judged and killed with no sign of redemption in sight. I think the learning was to be good, lest this pair of avengers put you on the list. Being condemned to watch this rubbish through again would be more likely incentive for me to reform!

Best Bit - A Day at the Circus!  ‘W’ Rating 4/23

No.310 : Walk on Water (2004)

Walk On Water at the IMDb

Off to Israel now for this superior mystery drama.

The film starts with a small boy looking at the man sitting behind him on a ferry crossing. All seems normal until the man stabs the boy’s father with a syringe and leaves him for dead. We learn that the man is Eyal, a Mossad agent who looks a lot like Steve Carrell, and the dead man was a Hammas leader.

Eyal heads home but finds that his wife has killed herself, and although a bit upset, he doesn’t show it too much and resolves to get back to work. His bosses are less keen and, with Eyal refusing to see a therapist, they refuse to let him go on a sensitive mission. To keep him occupied, they give him a mission to befriend a German tourist and his sister who is working on a kibbutz. The Israelis have intelligence that a Nazi war criminal may still be kicking about and they hope that his grand kids can lead Eyal to his target and to 'Get him before God does'.

Things go well at first with visits to the Dead Sea and the Sea of Galilee. The German, Axel, tries to recreate Jesus’ miracle of walking on water but tells Eyal such a divine act needs to be earned. The sister, Pia, takes a shine to Eyal, and the three enjoy a night in Tel Aviv before Eyal leaves early when they go to a gay night club. Eyal isn’t too keen on gays or Germans - or Arabs for that matter. The relationship goes frosty when Eyal takes against Axel’s Arab boyfriend and about him being ripped off over the purchase of a Del Boy Jacket.

The three split up with no news of the aged Nazi but a last surveillance tape suggests he may attend Axel’s father’s 70th birthday party. Eyal heads to Berlin and has his preconceptions challenged as it is quite nice, as are the people, apart from the skinheads he beats up when they attack some drag queens. He manages to salvage some of his cover and secures an invite to the big party. Will the surprise guest show up and will Eyal work through his many issues?

This was an excellent film that I enjoyed throughout. It was a well worn path, with the world weary and prejudiced agent slowly seeing the other side of the coin, but it was so well done and with engaging characters it was impossible not to buy in.

It was clear that Eyal was on a path to redemption and the notion of all Germans being bad, which was drummed into him as a child, slowly evaporated as we got to know the free spirits of Axel and Pia. They were actually too nice - she’s picking fruit and he’s teaching asylum seekers to dance - they could have made one fart a lot so it wasn’t so clear cut!

The locations around Israel were excellent and beautifully shot. You’d want to go if it wasn’t for all the Mossad agents creeping about and the bombings that are reported throughout. The cast were all excellent with Lior Ashkenazi a standout as Michael Scott, sorry, the agent with baggage.

The birthday party was good fun and I liked the epilogue too - it wasn’t a big surprise but welcome all the same.

Overall an excellent and worthwhile film about tolerance, forgiveness and of course redemption. Well worth looking up.

Best Bit : Skinheads v Drag Queens ‘W’ rating 21/23

No.309 : War (2007)

War at the IMDb

Jason Statham, with his hair at critical point, stars in this routine thriller which has more than a little ‘Face/Off’ about it.

For some unexplained reason Cockney sounding Jason is working the Asian Unit for the FBI in San Francisco - later on his black, balder  partner is introduced and some one says ‘You don’t look Asian’ whilst Statham is in the background with his gor blimey trousers on.

We open with a moody dockland showdown. Jason and his partner have tracked down ‘Rogue’ a top assassin who uses signature bullets - you’d think the first thing you’d do as an assassin would be not have a signature, but let’s go with it. Statham takes a hit but he’s saved when his partner shoots the bad guy in the face and into the water. Naturally the body isn’t recovered and that spells bad news for the partner when Rogue shows up at his house and kills everyone and burns it to the ground. Well, to be fair, he singes it a bit.

We then jump ‘3 years later’ and Jason’s obsession with Rouge has cost him his marriage. He has a new partner in the shape of David’s boyfriend off ‘Six Feet Under’ and a failing relationship with his child - and authority. The Triads and Yakuza are at war with the FBI in the middle. It gets a bit confused but it’s the usual gubbins about honour with two antique horse being the main point of debate. Can’t they have one each and give us an early night?

Rogue steps out of the shadows and blow me, it’s Jet Li. He’s been to Saul Rubinek’s plastic surgeon, but sadly not a coach in diction. He's all quiet and enigmatic, but comes across as a bit dull. Jason starts to close in on his man but Rogue’s loyalties aren’t clear. Whilst working for one faction he is also stirring things up for them too. Can Jason solve the riddle of Rogue’s true identity and are things as they seem?

This was an OK effort, but nothing memorable -my IMDb score tells me I’ve seen it before but I didn’t remember the big twist. If you think it’s strange that Jet Li is playing a baddie , it really isn’t.

I felt the whole production was poorly lit and too dark. They may have been going for atmospheric but it was hard to see what was going on a lot of the time. It did look like a Japanese co-production which meant the film seemed off kilter with lots of seemingly pointless exchanges taking place in Japenese. That’s fair enough, but when a film is designed by committee it never comes across as a cohesive piece of work.

There were plenty of shoot outs and sword fights but these were generally just padding between the big revelations. Fair play to them for subverting my expectations, (again) but it did all seem too far fetched - I didn’t know plastic surgeons could whack a foot off someone’s height too!

Statham’s character was really one dimensional and although he was given a 70’s muscle car to add some depth, he was more ‘John Prick’ than ‘John Wick’. Shouting at subordinates and beating up witnesses is so ‘The Sweeney’.

Overall this was a workmanlike thriller with a couple of decent twists but not enough to set it apart in a crowed genre.

Best Bit : ‘With Compliments’  W Rating 14/23

No.308 : Wolf Totem (2015)

Wolf Totem at the IMDb

Who’s up for some Chinese language period cinema? Just me then!

Made in 2015, ‘Wolf Totem’ is set in 1967, two years after the cultural revolution in China. Two students are sent from Peking to teach the Mongolian natives Mandarin for two years. Could have been worse, they might have gotten Port Glasgow.

A guy from the Ministry of Production dumps our lads with an old guy from a nomadic tribe. He tells him to put them to work and he’ll be back in a couple of years. And he doesn’t even leave the wi-fi password.

We flash-forward six months with our guys settling in and becoming able horsemen. One gets a bit cocky and goes off the path only to be confronted by a pack of wolves. He gets away by clanging his stirrups, but we’re pretty sure that lead wolf gave him a pass.

Our man develops a fascination for wolves and resolves to find a cub that he can rear and study. The locals are not so keen, what with the wolves eating all their sheep. The fine balance between people and wolves is disturbed when the tribesmen steal all of the wolves’ food. I don’t know if this is true, but it was a good scene where the wolves stash all their dead gazelles in a snowdrift to eat later in the winter. This has happened from generations and the humans have always left enough for the wolves. This doesn’t suit the man from the ministry however, and he orders the people to grab the lot, despite warnings from the wise old man in charge.

Of course the old man is right and the wolves get their own back by driving a herd of prize horses into a freezing lake where they all drown. Despite it being tit for tat the ministry sets out to kill all wolves by hunting down and killing the cubs. Our hero manages to save one and starts to bring it up, despite local hostility.

The nomadic tribe are ordered to work with another more settled group and things start to go badly wrong. The old man is injured by a bomb set to kill wolves and a child is hurt when he gets a bit too close to the slowly growing cub. With the wolves now starving all out war is declared (not literally) and when the wolves have a sheep eating party , the ministry resolves to kill off the wolves for good.

Can any survive and can the symbiotic relationship between man and wolf be restored?

This was an excellent film with cracking cinematography and animal action. It was almost like a Disney film, but with more killing and death. It is subtitled but you’d probably manage without them as the plot is a pretty simple progress v nature narrative. The wolves were shown sympathetically and they are wonderful creatures. That said, I could see why the villagers thought them to be a pain in the arse.

There was a tacked on romance story that I didn’t buy into but the Mongolian grass people getting royally shafted at every turn was an interesting watch. Real wolves were used in the production but they did look a bit stage school in some scenes. You could tell they slowed the film down and adjusted the lighting to show them at their best. And why not? It was their show and they provided great entertainment and a bit of learning too.

I wasn’t keen on the cub killing, which involved them being chucked them in the air, and the cornered wolf committing suicide rather than being caught seemed a bit daft.

There was a lot of focus on the spiritual, with the God Tennger getting most of the credit, with some fancy cloud work letting us know that everything will be all right.

The production was lavish with some cracking set pieces including a lake of frozen horses which was fantastically realised.

Overall, not one for the squeamish but an interesting parable on the age old ‘man v beast’ issue with plenty of scenes that will stick with you.

Best Bit : Horse Lake 20/23

No.307 : White Chamber (2018)

White Chamber at the IMDb

Britain is in chaos and nationalism is on the rise! No, it’s not a documentary but a film set sometime “Soon”. The film starts with some ponderous narration with a chap waving a flag on top of Glastonbury Tor. There has been a civil war with a totalitarian government squaring up against a rebellion led by the UK Liberation army.

We then cut to a bright white box and realise that the budget has been spent on that big flag the bloke was waving. A woman wakes up in said box and starts conversing with a distorted voice - ‘where am I?’ ‘who are you?’ ‘can I get my money back?’. After some cruel treatment via the box’s handy hot and cold floor, the true horror slowly dawns on us - will the whole film just be a woman yelling at a wall?

Happily not, after a while a face appears in the wall and it’s that bloke in the black robes off the ‘Mummy’ films. The woman claims to be a new start called Ruth but our man keeps pressing for more details about the operation and her role in the shady experiments he knows that goes on there.

Eventually the chamber opens up and another compartment is revealed to contain a woman with a pretty bad chemical peel. The two fight and Ruth gives her the finger so to speak. We then dissolve to a ‘5 Day’s earlier’ caption and we realise it’s our old favourite, the non-linear narrative.

We meet our woman greeting a new recruit called Ruth - blatant identity theft right there! The man behind the voice (or at least someone who looks like him) is now in the chamber and our woman is the head scientist. It turns out interrogation isn’t their goal but to test new amphetamines that can enhance the abilities of soldiers. We get a bit more back story from an old bloke who looks like Bill Nighy and her off the coffee adverts from the 80’s.

Who will triumph in this battle of wits? Who are ‘the good guys’? and can I have my 90 minutes back please?

This was an OK film but it’s limited scope and in your face politics had me against it from near the start. The main female character played by Shauna Macdonald wasn’t likeable at all, even in the opening section where we were meant to be on her side. Later, when she was revealed to be the evil scientist, albeit one with some heartache, I still wasn’t convinced ,and she was more irritating than scary or despicable.

Coffee woman and the new start didn’t have a lot to do with the later failing to convince in her Road to Damascus type conversion. The guy off the Mummy films was OK but a bit preachy and overly manic when hepped up on goofballs.

The politics were terribly in your face - literally, with one scene having the character telling you how crappy the country is straight to camera, before cutting to another for a reaction shot. Subtle this was not.

To be fair the film did manage to keep my interest, but given we knew after 20 minutes that the roles would be reversed the tension gained was allowed to dissipate. The film did look cheap with most of the action happening in some corridors. It looked like they had broken into an office block for the shoot but couldn’t access the rooms, only the stairs and landings. In places it was almost like a film school project with ropey dialogue delivered in a flat, unbelievable manner by unconvincing actors.

It’s better than being locked in a white box - but only just.

Best Bit : Finger Buffet  ‘W’ Rating : 11/23

No.306 : Who Am I? (1998)

Who Am I? at the IMDb

Before this offering I’d never seen a Jackie Chan film, believing them to be shit. Having watched this one, I have not seen my original hypothesis disproved. Chan gets credit for direction, stunts and screenplay, in that order, so you have right away an idea of where the focus was - not on story or character but on kicking people a lot.

Chan plays the cleverly named character ‘Jackie Chan’ who is part of a military unit in South Africa. We have seen a meteorite being mined and its explosive power. Chan and his team carry out a mission to retrieve some fragments of the meteorite but are double crossed by some shits in suits who crash the helicopter they are travelling in, off camera, to save some money and to deny us a small thrill. Chan falls out before the explosion and is saved by a forest canopy and some natives who nurse him back to health - but oh no! Jackie has lost his memory.

After having difficulty in making himself understood to both the natives and the viewing audience, Jackie soon speaks the language and wears the garb and make up of the tribe. He finds the rest of his dead crew and the body of one of the bad guys who was tossed from the helicopter. Their multiple passports suggest there is more going on, and a matchbook with some writing on it may hold the answers - new one that!

Jackie then encounters a rally car where the driver has been bitten by a snake. He uses his new found tribal abilities to cure the bite and his kick ass driving talent to win the stage and deliver the man to the medics. This heroism gets press attention and soon the evil shits in suits are after our man who calls himself ‘Whoami’ due to his amnesia. A trip to Rotterdam ensues, where there are innumerable fights and chases before we learn who he is (Jackie Chan) and what becomes of the meteorite which has the potential to unleash untold energy.

Like a Van Damme film, it’s hard to criticise a Jackie Chan movie for bad acting or too much fighting. It was really dull however and I couldn’t see the end quick enough. Jackie seems a lovely bloke, but he lacks leading man charisma and seemed badly dubbed throughout. Indeed, everyone was, with the scientists especially, sounding like someone had phoned in some random voices for them.

There were a couple of decent set pieces but they went on too long with the big finale rooftop fight taking at least ten minutes during which one blow may have landed. The plot was atom thick with there no sense of danger as the disc with the meteor data changed hands every five minutes and the double crosses piled up.

Jackie’s lack of identity didn’t really matter to the plot and the whole thing seemed facile especially as his name is over the title. The film does need your buy in to the fact that no one gets killed by our man, and that all the bad guys queue up to get their faces nearly kicked. You also have to love Jackie with lots of small amusements thrown in so you can say ‘Ooh that Jackie!’. fair enough for his fan base but him getting it in the nuts once with a gear stick is fine - the other several events of this I could have done without.

It was obvious that this was a multi country co-production that was not shot in English. The dubbing was risible as was a lot of the stunt work, which saw the older characters turn into stuntmen when they were getting hit before turning back into themselves as they recovered from the fall.

I enjoyed no laughs or thrills throughout this film and despite some decent locations and stunts it was a complete waste of time. Who am I? Don’t care mate.

Best Bit : Streets Get Clogged  ‘W’ rating 8/23

No.305 : Wyrmwood : Road of the Dead (2014)

Wyrmwood : Road of the Dead at the IMDb

‘Wormwood’ comes from the book of revelations in The Bible and is a star or an angel. I don’t know why they have the spelling ‘Wyrmwood’ here or even what it has to do with anything. I guess it’s just an ‘end of days’ type of thing.

This is an Australian effort that tries to add a few new twists to the zombie movie - ridiculous twists that don’t make a lick of sense, but twists all the same.

The film opens with three men in leftover costumes from Mad Max 2 running from a garage and taking on a horde of zombies. They attach chains to a truck and wheel it back indoors as they dispatch a lot of zombies in a fashion that says ‘we’ve paid for this head exploding software and we’re going to use it’!

We don’t really know what’s going on but don’t worry - it’s one of those films that start in the middle and then go back to the start. The three men, now without their helmets, discuss how they got to be where they are. The first chap who is an Aborigine, tells of seeing loads of shooting stars before his brother turned flesh eater. He shoots his legs off but he keeps on coming so he finishes him off.

Another chaps says he doesn’t have a story as he had just killed his wife and child with a nail gun. We then get a long flashback with him trying to escape the madness with his wife and child before he, you’ve guessed, kills them with a nail gun.

The guys go full ‘Scrapheap Challenge’ on the truck and soon it’s a vehicular death mobile, complete with a harpoon gun that was just lying around.

Elsewhere three ladies are having a photo shoot which involves one wearing skeleton makeup - how prophetic of them! Two go full zombie and the other has to take refuge before being rescued by the military. It’s not much of a rescue however, as they turn her over to a bad actor mad scientist who injects her with zombie blood. The science, as it is, has determined that only people with O negative blood are immune to the zombie virus. It’s not made overly clear but I think the injections are to see where the tipping point is. I could tell them that - 3pm on ITV, weekdays.

Our original heroes set off to save the girl, who is one of their sisters. What follows are endless zombie kills and the deaths of most of our heroes. Who will survive and will the zombie plague be halted?

This was an alright film which has little to set it apart from its many contemporaries. As often happens a few unique properties to the plague are added to differentiate the film from the rest. Here it is that the zombie blood is flammable, so much so that you can use it to power your car, which is handy given that petrol is now inert. There was no science behind this and I’m glad they didn’t try. It did allow for a couple of gory deaths including one chap who was left with a delicious looking tandoori face.

I wasn’t invested in any of the characters and the non-linear narrative jumped around so much that I stopped bothering to keep up. The zombies were the white faced with bloody clothes type and, to be fair, the make up was good as were the many splattery kills. The tone seemed to shift regularly with pain and anguish followed by slapstick and comedy. At one point a bitten chap asks for the medical box and opens it to reveal two bottles of beer. Oh those Aussies!

There wasn’t much of a story to speak of and the majority of the film was spent putting our characters in place and then bringing them together. The end revelations were extra daft and no attempt was made to explain the crisis or solutions offered to halt it. I guess if you sign up for all of the standard zombie tropes and some above average kills you won’t go away disappointed.

Best Bit : Family Day Out  ‘W’ Rating : 14/23

No.304 : Whistle Stop (1946)

Whistle Stop at the IMDb

Melodrama from 1946 now - we watch them so you don’t have to! George Raft stars with his name above the title in this love triangle that descends into film noir after half an hour.

Things open in breezy fashion as Ava Gardner gets off at the ‘whistle stop’ station. The idea is that their town of Ashbury is so small that trains only stop when requested to do so. It’s so small that the speed limit signs are back to back, it’s small I tells ya.

Anyway, Gardner plays Mary, the local hottie who left the town for Chicago two years ago. Now she’s back and all the horny local dudes are glad to hear it. She arrives in a mink coat at the home she owns, and rents out to Molly and Molly’s son Kenny. Kenny is played by weasel faced George Raft who has top billing and therefore the pick of all the ladies. Mary swans in with her massive suitcase, which is clearly empty  as she tosses it in a corner, and confides in Molly that she has no money and plans to sell the house. She’s obviously worn out her welcome in the Windy City, but kept the coat and silver cigarette case, thanks very much. The big slut.

Kenny is a bit of a waster as his Mom’s promise to Mary that he’s working on a ‘big deal’ cuts to him playing poker - she’s a card that one! Kenny listens out for the Chicago train and gets in a low rent grapple with a chap who questions Mary’s character. He soon gets wind of his squeeze’s return and plants a big smacker on her in a scene that would probably get him a suite in Weinstein Towers these days. 

A happy ending isn’t guaranteed however, as local rich dude Lou also has a dog in the fight for Mary’s affections, and he’s got the dough. A big bunch of flowers turns her head and soon she’s walking out with Lou - the big slut. Short of money and keen for some revenge Kenny gets involved in a scheme to rob Lou’s town fair of the $15k takings - with that kind of cash Mary might give him a second chance. But what about lovely Fran? She has a less tight dress and frumpy hair, but she seems a better bet than slutty Mary.

The planned heist goes badly when Mary and Lou smell a rat and the only outcome is traumatic dance floor injury to Fran who might not pull through, but is happy that Kenny came to visit her once. You could do better love. Mary talks Kenny out of the raid and takes his gun off him and throws it on the back seat of her car - remember that for later!

With his wasteful life now apparent to him, Kenny gets a real job with Lou and soon he and Mary are reconciled and off to his sister’s wedding. Lou offers to be friends and asks Kenny up to his office for a handshake, but all Kenny finds is a dead body and his gun from the previous paragraph. He and Lou’s bouncer do a runner but Kenny gets plugged in the arm and suspects that he’s in a frame for the murder - duh!

Will he clear his name and get the girl?

This was a decent but limited offering which was more entertaining as a historical oddity than as a drama. George Raft certainly has screen presence but I couldn’t buy him as a ladies’ man. It was funny when in a flashback someone called him ‘Sonny’ - he was 45 at the time. Ava Gardner was good as the slutty Mary and showed a bit of leg and cleavage in her silk dressing gown. Her character was horrible however and I’ve no idea why Kenny saw her as  the preferred option to the homely Fran. Actually, I do - but what a terrible message!

The love triangle was good fun too but you never doubted who had the top billing. The thin moustached Lou never had a chance despite Raft being  pretty reprehensible - planting smackers all over and grabbing any passing waitress he could. The beast.

The story fizzed along with flashbacks adding small nuggets to the back story. The climax did seem somewhat rushed with a murder, phone call confession and then death sorting out all the loose plot threads, so that an undeserved happy ending could be had.

If you watched this with 2020 sensibilities you’d be outraged but it was good and innocent fun. Apart from the murders, stealing and whorishness.

Best Bit : Bar Room Punch Up ‘W’ Rating : 18/23

No.303 : Wish I Was Here (2014)

Wish I Was Here at the IMDb

Writer /Director Zach Braff gives us another slice of an unfulfilled melancholy life in this feature, which is similar to his earlier effort ‘Garden State’ albeit with him a lot older, as the relentless passage of time demands.

Zach plays Aidan, a struggling actor who is married to the lovely Kate Hudson and has two kids who have more than a bit of stage school about them. Zach can’t get an acting job and has money worries. His Dad, Saul off ‘Homeland’ is paying for his grandchildren’s orthodox Jewish education but has to pull the plug owing to the treatment costs for his aggressive cancer. Kate is working at the Water Board and is being harassed by a creepy co-worker who has a talking penis.

Zach has a friend in that ‘Bazinga’ guy whom he sees at auditions, including one for an African American part where he is rightly beaten for it by Stanley out of ‘The Office’. Despite his lovely wife and kids Zach is unfulfilled and escapes into a fantasy world where he runs about in a spacesuit followed by a helpful drone sidekick. He also has a brother who is a waste of space, but has ambitions to make a kick ass Comic-Con outfit with the help of his useful HUD display which finds parts for him in the junk pile.

With him being unable to meet the fees, Zach takes his kids out of school and enjoys some quality time with them as they learn about life and their heritage whilst standing on rocks and fixing a fence.

Kate meanwhile is resentful of her crappy job and that Zach is using her income to pursue his dream of being an actor - she didn’t sign up for that. Things take a turns for the worse with Saul's health and Zach has to try and repair both his and his brother’s relationships with their dying Dad, whilst also trying to save his marriage and deal with his wife’s employment issues. Can he find contentment in his frankly over privileged life?

I enjoyed this ‘slice of life’ but it was a bit tiresome in places with Zach not knowing how well he had it. That was part of the point, but with Kate Hudson welcoming you home with a vest top and no bra it was hard to be sympathetic to the needy Zach. Kate was good but she didn’t look like a harassed Mom of two kids in a dead-end job. She looked like she’d walked off a modelling set most of the time, and although we were grateful for her presence her issues didn’t ring true either.

Better was Saul whose voice got frailer with each passing scene. His acceptance of his fucked up offspring was as touching as it was unbelievable. The laughs were mild at best and you’d say the whole thing was more affecting than humorous. I did like the scene in the Aston Martin dealership where a test drive was given as the salesman though the daughter's wig was due to cancer and not because of some Jewish tradition.

There was a lot of Jewishness in the film, which was fine, but it did make it very personal to the lead and made it a bit inaccessible to those of us who don’t have an intimate knowledge of the Torah or an interest in chanting. I get it that this was a necessary backdrop to the father son dynamic but it was overdone.

Overall this was an enjoyable trip in the California sunshine. There were no great learnings to be had, just some growth and a bit of redemption with a couple of smiles thrown in.

You could do worse, but you could do a lot better too.

Best Bit : Anything With Kate Please!  ‘W’ Rating 16/23

No.302 : Win Win (2011)

Win Win at the IMDb

Paul Giamatti plays Mike in this family/sports drama, a struggling lawyer with few clients and no money for a boiler repair. He has an evening job where he teaches high school students wrestling but his team has never won a match. He hides his financial woes from his lovely wife Amy Ryan, who appears to have dumped Michael Scott, and their young children.

He has friends in Hank Kingsley and Bobby Cannavale, who spends his time stalking his ex-wife and hanging about the locker room. No, not like that. Opportunity knocks for Mike when one of his few clients, Paulie out of ‘Rocky’ is declared incompetent and made a ward of the state. Mike moves in to offer to take over the old man’s care when his secretary mentions the fee for doing so is $1508 a month. Mike’s gesture isn’t magnanimous - he just wants the cash and immediately sticks the old man into a care home.

His plan looks good for about five minutes before Paulie’s grandson Kyle shows up, having run away from his deadbeat mother. This complicates things for Mike who has to house the youth in his basement whilst the boy’s mother goes through rehab. Things liven up when Mike learns that Kyle is a talented wrestler and soon the whole team is being dragged up due to his superior technique and winning performances.

It looks like Kyle may get a wrestling scholarship, but then his Mom appears with lawyer. The court transcript exposes Mike’s scheme and the mother wants Dad back - along with the keep money. Kyle doesn’t want to go back and Paulie wants to go back to his home. Who will get a happy ending out of this soap opera’s worth of dilemmas?

I’ve seen this film twice now having failed to review it the first time around - a shocking ‘W’ related crime that will not be repeated. It worked out well though, as I enjoyed it the second time too!

Paul Giamatti was good as always - he never stretches himself too far, but as a rotund every-man he’s hard to beat. He was punching above his weight with Amy Ryan but good luck to him. Hank was a bit wasted and didn’t really have too much to do in his assistant coach role. Cannavale was better, and as a threesome they were good value as middle aged men trying to live out their dreams through their young charges.

Mike’s first action was to con the court and the old man and despite that you never really took against him. He was in dire financial straights with his wonky boiler, but his early actions didn’t ring true with the rest of the film. Good people make mistakes but this just looked reckless and mean.

The wrestling scenes were well done and, although there were no suplexes or jumps from the top turnbuckle,  former wrestler Alex Shaffer did well as Kyle, despite his ‘Eminem’ haircut. Down the cast list I didn’t buy Melanie Lynskey as the scummy mum as she looks too darn nice. I  liked Nina Arianda  as Mike’s savvy secretary and it took me a while to place her as Axe's girl in the last series of ‘Billions’

Overall this was an excellent character study with plenty of laughs and rye ‘life’s like that’ moments. I’m glad a kind of happy ending was found, but it wasn’t one that wasn’t without cost and it was hard won.

Pick it off the mat and give it a go!

'W' Rating 20/23

No.301 : Witches in the Woods (2019)

Witches in the Woods at the IMDb

If you are only in the market for a two word review, here you go : ‘Don’t Bother’.

This was a dreadful waste of time that has nothing to recommend it. It borrows heavily from many other films, but only the dull bits, nothing that would make you sit up and pay attention.

It starts out in promising, but predictable fashion with seven friends heading out for a wilderness weekend in rural Massachusetts. The opening is full of sweeping shots that scream ‘quick use the drone, it’s going back on Monday’. The film opened with a pretentious quote about the nature of beliefs so you can guess it’s going to a more in the head than on the screen type of film.

The gang’s plans are derailed when the police send them back due to a road closure. They stop at a remote gas station and one of the more vocal ladies in our entourage takes issue with a hunter who has killed a bear out of season and by using an illegal claw trap. The hunter blames mobile phones for upsetting the bear’s sleep cycles and he’s menacing enough to make you think that he may be the inevitable killer who will kill our crew one by one.

The group soon manage to get lost and the truck gets stuck in a snowdrift. The dynamic is breaking down too, with a couple revealed to be having affair behind another’s back. There is also a bitchy one and a weird one and tempers soon fray. Two go off to find help and two blokes start to fight. We get small suggestions that more is at play here with dead crows strung to trees in a ‘Blair Witch’ kind of way.

The girl who goes for help comes back traumatised and the bloke gets his foot stuck in one of those bear traps we saw earlier. Full blown paranoia starts to take over with accusations of possession and ‘did you shag my bird?’ soon flying around.

Who will survive and what is the force that is whittling our group down, one by one?

I thought this film had potential but it took 30 of the 90 minutes to get the truck stuck and the remaining hour was a dull dive into a world of screaming and accusations. I’d hoped the scary hunter would be the villain ‘Deliverance’ style but thought it was more likely going to be a coven of witches, given the title.

It turned out to be neither with nothing more than a potential witchy influence being the cause of all the deaths and mistrust. There is no pointy hats or cauldron here, just a pamphlet for a witch trail and some good old fashioned cabin fever which set in after 20 minutes.

There were a couple of bloody deaths but nothing memorable and the cast were so unlikeable that you didn’t care anyway.

I’ve seen enough of these lost in the woods type films to know that cheap does not have to be dull. This one was dull and a waste of a decent premise. Maybe the demons that dwell within us are more scary than a pointy hat and a green face but this was flagrant false advertising.

Stay out of the woods and keep this one out of your DVD player!


Best Bit :  Millennial argues with redneck  ‘W’ Rating 4/23

No.300 : W. (2008)

W. at the IMDb

For our 300th’ post I thought we’d get back to basics with the most ‘W’ film you can get : ‘W.’.

This Oliver Stone bio-pic of the 43rd President of the United States was well observed and entertaining, but I doubt anyone watching it comes out knowing the protagonist any better.

The film employs a non-linear narrative with key moments in Bush’s life shown in flashback, with the year involved captioned to keep you right. We open in the White House as Bush and his cabinet of familiar faces discuss his ‘Axis of Evil’ speech. It’s 2002 and he’s plotting how to topple Saddam Hussein, and finish the job his father started in Gulf War One.

He railroads any objectors and finishes the meeting with a quick prayer. We are then transported back to 1966 with the young George applying to join a frat house. He does well in the company of the beery rabble rousers and we soon see him in jail following a football match fight whilst he’s at Yale. His dad, GB Senior, bails him out but he’s disappointed in him and it’s clear that his brother Jeb is the preferred offspring.

George stumbles through a variety of jobs, none of which he stays at for long. He has a drinking issue and is a disappointment to his Dad, James Cromwell, who is probably distracted with that troublesome pig. We jump back and forth with a present day Dick Cheney trying to get George to sign off on Guantanamo Bay torture with the bold George reminding him that ‘I’m the President’.

The path to the White House is however long with George losing his first bid for congress in 1977, but meeting his wife Laura (Elizabeth Banks) along the way. Fast forward to 1986 when George has a heart attack, gets sober and finds God. He also secures his Dad’s presidency when he runs a dirty tricks campaign for him against Dukakis. We then see George Jnr. as a baseball club owner before Desert Storm in 1991 and his Dad’s loss to Clinton in 1992.

He eventually becomes Texas Governor in 1994 and has a message from God that he should run for President in 1999. We know that he gets the big job but what will his legacy be and will he finally please his old man?

I’d seen this film near to its release but it was a lot better the second time around with the benefit of history and hindsight. Firstly the cast was great with Josh Brolin excelling as the flawed George. At the time Bush was a figure of fun but they did well to focus on the man rather than on the comedians’ take. Clearly you don’t get to lead the free world by being an idiot, but they did temper this by pushing the legacy aspect with his Dad offering no end of help.

Bush’s advisers were all familiar faces with Richard Dreyfuss as Cheney and Toby Jones as Karl Rove doing good work. Thandie Newton was less convincing as Condolezza Rice, with her performance looking more like a caricature.

Obviously a lot of what was said was behind closed doors and had to be speculated, but it seemed a balanced approach with only a couple of scenes inserted to make George look stupid, such as his hospital visit to injured troops where he handed out t-shirts to the maimed.

It was strange that the pivotal moment of his presidency, the 9/11 attacks, didn’t get more focus but it may have been too raw at the time of the 2008 production. Maybe they thought the fallout and legacy of Bush Senior was the story and to be fair it did make for an interesting narrative.

Overall I think this was a worthwhile and interesting bio-pic that did well to show the man rather than offer a commentary on his actions. Like the man the film had its flaws, but overall it was interesting and entertaining.

Best Bit : Oval Office Discussions  ‘W’ Rating 19/23

No.299 : Whispering City (1947)

Whispering City at the IMDb

For no obvious reason the action in this film is book-ended with a man telling the story of the film to a group of people he is taking on a sightseeing sledge tour around snowy Quebec. You’d have thought that they would have preferred to hear about local attractions, but a incomprehensible yokel ranting on about a complicated murder case is fun too.

The story proper opens with a woman slowly dying in a nunnery. She calls in a reporter and gives her a few choice snippets relating to her husband’s death 20 years ago. The lady reporter, Mary, promises to come back later for more gossip but she shouldn’t bother as her source snuffs it off camera ten minutes later.

Mary heads off to speak to rich lawyer Frederic who is aghast at the news that some dark secret may be uncovered. He is wealthy by unknown sources, but spends his cash on sponsoring young artistic talents such as pianist Michel. Michel has his own troubles with a floozy wife who wears a scandalous dressing gown with frilly bits.

We learn that Frederic inherited all of the dead woman’s husband’s cash and needs to silence the tenacious reporter lest she uncover the truth of his benefactor's demise. Opportunity knocks when he visits Michel’s wife and finds her dead through suicide. He pockets the suicide note and convinces Michel that he must have killed her whilst pissed, as you do. He says he can use his lawyer skills to get him off the murder charge - but in exchange he must kill Mary.

Michel is slightly hesitant but is soon sniffing around Mary, using the old wrongly delivered flowers ruse to get into her apartment. Fortunately Mary is so lovely that he starts to fall for her and gives up an easy chance to chuck her out of the window. Frederic isn’t impressed and convinces him to take Mary to the deserted waterfall nearby. Mary smells a rat and takes a gun but we hear a scream and then cut to the ferocious waters below - has Mary been killed and will Michel escape the electric chair? Can justice prevail?

Dating from 1947 this film certainty shows its age and has one of the most obvious cliff-hangers you’ll ever see. It is quite fun however, as the ghostly Mary haunts Frederic into some rather indiscreet confessions. “Killers are haunted” he cries despite being a supposedly successful lawyer. It’s not clear but I’m guessing the ‘whispering city’ of the title is an allusion to the paranoia felt by the villain.

The film looked like a dual language affair with newspapers morphing between French and English headlines. The dashing leading man Michel couldn’t act in English so I’m guessing he was a Frenchman drafted in to balance the numbers.

Mary Anderson, as the cleverly named ’Mary’, was good in the lead - I liked her Tam O’Shanter and her drinking and smoking habits. I thought she must have been Scottish but no, she was from Alabama - must be second generation. It was all very prim with just one wee kiss at the end showing that they were now an item.

The plot was OK with just the right amount of twists and double crosses to keep me onside. There was little in the way of action, with the city and waterfall shots clearly stock footage, but the short run time kept things bubbling along. The main twist was laughable but I liked Mary emerging from the mist on a clearly back lot cemetery set as the baddie bit his knuckles.

Overall this is an average ‘B’ movie film noir that won’t linger long in the memory but didn’t offend or outstay its welcome either.

Best Bit : Cemetery Showdown ‘W’ Rating 16/23

No.298 : We the Party (2012)

We the Party at the IMDb

I had mild hopes for this film having looked up the poster and some lesser reviews. Would it be a fresh and funny take on the issues of race, growing up and having a good time in a multi-ethnic Los Angeles High School? Sadly these hopes were dashed after five minutes when five diverse friends got together to make a bet : Who can lose their virginity by prom night? I appreciate teenage boys think only of getting laid but surely a slightly different take could have been offered when visiting this tired and overpopulated genre?

To be fair it isn’t the usual frat style film with gross out gags and a lot of nudity. This was a more leisurely take with the five lads going about their conquests in different ways. They all learned a little, gained some respect for the ladies and mostly got a little love.

The guys hold a pre-prom party and hand out flyers with ‘We the Party’ suggesting that they are hip dudes. We know they are not and the usual high school favourites of bully, jock, popular girl and stoner all have to be won over before the party is a success and our guys become bone fide playas.

There is a bit of learning too with an ethics teacher trying to get the kids to understand what is valuable in life - not cars and houses, but leaving a legacy like Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jnr. Our crew take this on board and one delivers his own take on the environment to great acclaim. I’d bet in the real world he’d have been soundly beaten afterwards but it was well scripted and performed.

The pace is sedate at best with long scenes that go nowhere accompanied to a smooth R&B soundtrack. Most of theses scenes involve fine young ladies in bikinis romping around in swimming pools so you can understand that they are playing to their audience of horny teenage guys - and me.

There isn’t much in the way of peril with the $20 a head bet never going to be disastrous for anyone. Some of it is however a bit on the nose with a long scene with a guy looking up girls’ skirts with a camera on his boot , complete with crotch shots, seriously misjudged.

There are some moral values employed with a school project centred around finding out the stories of homeless people. This sits awkwardly alongside the horny youth story line but you can’t say there isn’t something for everyone in here. The concert using their footage to a rap with an orchestral arrangement was great and it seemed all was going well until the prom money was stolen! Can it be recovered and will all of our cast, including the fat white girl in the body cast, find love?

Director Mario Van Peebles manages to get most of his extended family into the cast alongside a hardly seen Snoop Dogg who looked fetching in his pig tails.

Overall this was a decent slice of life with some good academic scenes set along side things more dubious. The young and mostly good looking cast did well with thin material and although everyone grew a bit I’m happy to say that I learned nothing. The soundtrack wasn’t my kind of thing but it was easy to get immersed in the beautiful people in sunny L.A and as a time passer you‘ll do a lot worse.

Best Bit : Pool Party  ’W’ Rating : 17/23.