No.344 : West of Hell (2018)

West of Hell at the IMDb

 

All aboard Rick & Morty’s Story Train for this trip to Disappointment with stops at Nonsensical Parkway, Confusion Central and bypassing Narrative Structure and Illumination Broadway.

We set off on a midnight train to Atlanta. At first it seems like a regular train with a bunch of murderous and mysterious characters, but there is more afoot that initially meets the eye. The train carriages themselves are set up like well appointed drawing rooms so that’s probably your first clue that things are not what they seem - there are no discarded copies of ‘Metro’ lying around and Baz hasn’t tagged the entire carriage.

We meet Jericho, who in another life was ‘Candyman’. He’s an ex-slave on a mission to kill all former slave owners and their first born children. One such child who is on-board is Annie, who has engaged the bodyguard services of ex-civil war soldier Roland. Candyman and Ro-land come to blows early on, but retreat to different carriages when things don’t go to plan - bullets don’t seem to be working for some reason.

We meet some other passengers, such as one chap who has a penchant for strangling prostitutes and another lady who has her ex-slave employed as her maid. They all have a past to hide but secrets are slowly revealed when they are joined by a shape shifter. As you have probably guessed things moved away from a conventional western when this chap appears, and employs ropey special effects to become each of our character’s dark secret.

After their pasts are laid bare the gang decide that the train they are on is on its way to Hell. Is there anything they can do to save their souls? Well, Lance Henriksen is in the last carriage and given he’s the Devil there may be some deals to be done…

This wasn’t a terrible film but it doesn’t have much to recommend it either. The production values were pretty low despite a couple of familiar faces such as the ‘jump to conclusions’ guy out of ‘Office Space’ making a brief appearance complete with unconvincing diabolical laughter. The lighting was poor in places with it hard to make out the action, and one character, who has a bag over his head, is virtually unintelligible. 

From the start I thought the twist was that they were on the road (tracks) to Hell and this proved correct - to be fair they didn’t really dress it up as anything else, so it wasn’t even a surprise never mind a twist. Lance was a pretty laid back Devil and offered little in the way of menace. As is standard, he offered the characters deals to get out of their predicament - terrible, lop sided deals! We did get a chance to see some of our characters in flashback and were able to decide for ourselves who was worthy of the visit to the flames and who was a victim of circumstance. Some were evil and went down that path whilst others made noble sacrifices having come to terms with their crimes. There were no real surprises in anyone’s arc with redemption liberally sprinkled about whilst the real baddies got their just desserts.

There were a couple of decent ideas in play, but the film was limited by its scope and budget. The Devil must have better things to do with his time as did Lance who clearly only spared half a day for the production.

The film only lasts about 80 minutes and the story would have been better used as an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone’ or the like rather than a half baked full feature.

You will see a lot worse and there was enough to garner half marks although that hooded guy, whose dialogue I couldn’t make out a word of,  cost them a chunk on his own. Overall it’s not a train to catch but if you find yourself on-board, you may as well stay on for the predictable and undemanding conclusion.

Best Bit : What’s this noose doing here?  'W' Rating 12/23

No.304 : Whistle Stop (1946)

Whistle Stop at the IMDb

Melodrama from 1946 now - we watch them so you don’t have to! George Raft stars with his name above the title in this love triangle that descends into film noir after half an hour.

Things open in breezy fashion as Ava Gardner gets off at the ‘whistle stop’ station. The idea is that their town of Ashbury is so small that trains only stop when requested to do so. It’s so small that the speed limit signs are back to back, it’s small I tells ya.

Anyway, Gardner plays Mary, the local hottie who left the town for Chicago two years ago. Now she’s back and all the horny local dudes are glad to hear it. She arrives in a mink coat at the home she owns, and rents out to Molly and Molly’s son Kenny. Kenny is played by weasel faced George Raft who has top billing and therefore the pick of all the ladies. Mary swans in with her massive suitcase, which is clearly empty  as she tosses it in a corner, and confides in Molly that she has no money and plans to sell the house. She’s obviously worn out her welcome in the Windy City, but kept the coat and silver cigarette case, thanks very much. The big slut.

Kenny is a bit of a waster as his Mom’s promise to Mary that he’s working on a ‘big deal’ cuts to him playing poker - she’s a card that one! Kenny listens out for the Chicago train and gets in a low rent grapple with a chap who questions Mary’s character. He soon gets wind of his squeeze’s return and plants a big smacker on her in a scene that would probably get him a suite in Weinstein Towers these days. 

A happy ending isn’t guaranteed however, as local rich dude Lou also has a dog in the fight for Mary’s affections, and he’s got the dough. A big bunch of flowers turns her head and soon she’s walking out with Lou - the big slut. Short of money and keen for some revenge Kenny gets involved in a scheme to rob Lou’s town fair of the $15k takings - with that kind of cash Mary might give him a second chance. But what about lovely Fran? She has a less tight dress and frumpy hair, but she seems a better bet than slutty Mary.

The planned heist goes badly when Mary and Lou smell a rat and the only outcome is traumatic dance floor injury to Fran who might not pull through, but is happy that Kenny came to visit her once. You could do better love. Mary talks Kenny out of the raid and takes his gun off him and throws it on the back seat of her car - remember that for later!

With his wasteful life now apparent to him, Kenny gets a real job with Lou and soon he and Mary are reconciled and off to his sister’s wedding. Lou offers to be friends and asks Kenny up to his office for a handshake, but all Kenny finds is a dead body and his gun from the previous paragraph. He and Lou’s bouncer do a runner but Kenny gets plugged in the arm and suspects that he’s in a frame for the murder - duh!

Will he clear his name and get the girl?

This was a decent but limited offering which was more entertaining as a historical oddity than as a drama. George Raft certainly has screen presence but I couldn’t buy him as a ladies’ man. It was funny when in a flashback someone called him ‘Sonny’ - he was 45 at the time. Ava Gardner was good as the slutty Mary and showed a bit of leg and cleavage in her silk dressing gown. Her character was horrible however and I’ve no idea why Kenny saw her as  the preferred option to the homely Fran. Actually, I do - but what a terrible message!

The love triangle was good fun too but you never doubted who had the top billing. The thin moustached Lou never had a chance despite Raft being  pretty reprehensible - planting smackers all over and grabbing any passing waitress he could. The beast.

The story fizzed along with flashbacks adding small nuggets to the back story. The climax did seem somewhat rushed with a murder, phone call confession and then death sorting out all the loose plot threads, so that an undeserved happy ending could be had.

If you watched this with 2020 sensibilities you’d be outraged but it was good and innocent fun. Apart from the murders, stealing and whorishness.

Best Bit : Bar Room Punch Up ‘W’ Rating : 18/23