No.331 : Where’s That Fire? (1939)

Where's That Fire? at the IMDB

OK, who asked for a black and white comedy that survived the Blitz and is now in the public domain? Oh everyone? Good news, ‘cos that’s what we’ve got.

Will Hay stars as hopeless fire chief Captain Viking. He manages two underlings and the three of them make the Stooges look like intellectuals. They get up to some funny hijinks, but how many have burned to death whilst they are squirting hoses at each other?

They work in a sleepy town, but one that seems to beset with fire related issues. They have had sixteen call outs and have not put out one fire - well they have, because otherwise they’d still be burning, as they point out to the councillors. The lads’ ancient fire engine takes ages to get set up and after the town hall burns down their bosses put them on a warning - modernise and put out one fire or they’ll all be sacked. 

This warning puts a light under our guys, so to speak, so they head off to a modern fire station to see what they can learn. Back home, Chief Viking who is a part time inventor, sets up some automation and the guys set about installing a fireman’s pole. This takes ages to get in the door and results in the breakage of just about every window in town.

Meanwhile a couple of scouts show up and ask to rent the fire engine for a film for £30. Our negligent heroes grab the money but unbeknown to them, the men are in fact criminals intent on stealing the crown jewels. The ancient engine is the same as that in the Tower of London and the baddies hope to ‘Trojan Horse’ their way in.

Can our heroes thwart the crime and save their jobs?

You know a film is ancient when Charles Hawtry is cast as a schoolboy. He’s actually quite good in it as he offers Viking some mathematical formulas as a solution to his fire pole issues.

The film is slapstick throughout with just a tad of drama tacked on at the end so they can claim a story. The three main cast members bounce off each other well, with each being more idiotic and greedy than the next. I liked Moore Marriott’s old coot who loved the bottle and wasn’t shy about lighting fires to earn a couple of quid.

Some of the set pieces were great fun with the fire pole manoeuvring being funnier and funnier the more ridiculous their schemes got. I usually bail out on something when you can see where it’s going, but there was a good ten minutes of broken windows and wilder solutions that didn’t waste a moment.

It was gentle fun with their horse Percy the brains of the outfit. At one point they are trying to put out a fire at a petrol station and they connect the hose to the petrol rather than to the water - deaths and massive property damaged must have ensued!

There was the odd kick in the pants a la Chaplin, but this was a lot more British with class issues and a stiff upper lip all present and correct. At only 70minutes this one doesn’t ask much of you and you will be rewarded with more than a few laughs and a nostalgic look at a long bygone age.

Best Bit : Automatic Horse Saddling  ’W’ Rating 17/23

 

No. 322 : White Boy Rick (2018)

 

White Boy Rick at the IMDb

 Time for some true life crime biography next in the shape of this depressing and skuzzy drama that depicts the short crime life of Rick Wershe, who spent 30 odd years in jail prior to his recent release.

I had never heard of the case, but seemingly our hero was the youngest ever paid informant of the FBI at age 14 and the longest serving non-violent prisoner in the US penal system. These things considered, I had little sympathy for our protagonist and as such did not have too much affection for his bio-pic. That said, it was a decent offering but not one to love; more of a morality tale to remind you to stick in at school and not get involved in the selling of guns and narcotics. Duh.

We open with the young Richie and his Dad, Matthew McConaughey, buying firearms at a gun show. No, not me at the gym, an actual event for the sale of firearms. The 14 year old Richie spots a fake Kalashnikov which enables is Dad to get a good deal from the dealer. They make even more profit when Richie sells on the guns to the local drug lords with the addition of silencers, that Mahogany fashions in his basement.

Mahogany dreams of owing a video store - it is 1984 after all - and doesn’t mind dealing with drug pedlars, despite his own daughter being addicted to crack, if it helps to achieve his goal. Richie’s ‘in’ with the drug barons catches the attention of the FBI and soon agent Jennifer Jason Leigh has Richie on the payroll. They convince Ritchie to buy and later sell drugs so that they can infiltrate the gang. This doesn’t go well for Richie who gets a bullet in his guts for his trouble.

With no other means of support and a new baby to provide for, Richie starts to produce his own crack. Inevitably he gets caught and his FBI handlers are as much use as a cock flavoured lolly pop when Richie goes down for life. How did it end up here and can he cut a deal to earn his freedom? Is he a victim of society or a death dealer who got his just desserts?

This was a decent period offering with a great cast, but the subject matter and viewpoint weren’t to my liking and to be honest, to my mind, Richie got what he deserved. He was well played by the slow talking, but likeable Richie Merritt, but I had no sympathy for the character or his choices. It was rote large that his options were limited but he was clearly a poor drug dealer and his motivations didn’t excuse his actions.

Matthew McConaughey was good in his now familiar role of the lowlife scumbag - see ‘Killer Joe’ and his series of ‘True Detective’, but he couldn’t rescue the narrative here. He was a gun dealer who bought into his son’s drug ambitions. I liked the line when he said he’d maintained a good family and Richie pointed out he had a drug addict daughter and a screwed up son. You could say this was just a slice of life in the 1980s but why was Richie deserving of a bio-pic? He was made out to be on a path with no exits, but to accept that would be just accepting his criminal choices.

The period was well realised and there was an excellent supporting cast including a never rougher Jennifer Jason Leigh and a frankly miscast Eddie Marsan as some sort of drug lord.

The film ended with captions suggesting that Richie had been harshly treated but the film failed to elicit any sympathy from this viewer. There was no suggestion that Richie didn’t know what he was getting into, and although he inhabited a world with few options that didn’t excuse him dealing in deadly drugs.

When you have no sympathy for the lead in a bio-pic it’s hard for it to succeed but overall this was a well realised and enjoyable film, albeit one with a skewed moral compass.

Best Bit : Bruce Dern makes Pancakes ‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.314 : What They Had (2018)

What They Had at the IMDb

I listened to a good Nerdist podcast with Michael Shannon recently, and thought I’d have a look at what he’s been up to. He was aces in ‘Boardwalk Empire’ and in ‘The Shape of Water’ and clearly likes to keep himself busy. We have looked at two of his more recent endeavours over at the Definite Article blog in the shape of ‘The Quarry’ and ‘The Harvest’ with this 2018 film representing his latest ‘W’ offering. Can’t say he doesn’t provide for his audience!

The film is a family drama about the onset of Alzheimer's in the elderly mother. Don’t run away - at least that’s what they should have told the old girl who goes for a wander in the middle of the night in a Chicago snow storm.

Her husband Robert Forster calls his local bar owing son Michael Shannon who in turn calls the daughter Hilary Swank. They manage to find the old lady but realise that they have problems to address. Shannon wants the old bird moved into a home as he bears the brunt of looking after his agent parents and is struggling to cope. Forster and Swank however want her to stay at home. Catholic Forster is committed to his marriage and the vows he made. His children are less devout and fear telling dad that they have lapsed.

Of course everyone has to have their own issues so Swank is in a loveless marriage and has a wayward daughter who is dropping out of college and Shannon craves acceptance from his Dad who doesn’t like his life choices. A right old barrel of laughs then!

In truth there are plenty of wry moments, usually from the forgetful mother who starts hitting on her son and tries to answer a stapler when the phone rings. As the family bump together over the Christmas holidays some home truths are aired and everyone grows somewhat, as Mum’s fate is decided.

I liked this film despite it being a ‘problem people’ cookie cutter special. Blyth Danner did well as the bewildered Mum although a lot of her escapades seemed a bit unlikely and scripted. There was no self fouling or losing her bus pass just little comedy moments where we could  sympathise and empathise all at once. Swank was good was the daughter although she seems a bit fit and focused to be the mess she was portraying. She did however have a funny sequence where she awkwardly flirts with a builder whilst wearing her mother’s blouse and drinking Scotch.

Shannon was also worth the ticket as the son, although his redemption was probably the slightest, with his Dad drinking at his bar his only win - hope he left a tip.Forster, in one of his last performances, was excellent as the struggling husband unable to keep a grasp of his true love as she faded away.

Overall a difficult subject was explored with humour and warmth and, although you may come away thinking it worked out a bit pat, at least it wasn't two hours of shouting at the man in the tree whilst wearing a nappy. Maybe that's being saved for the sequel.

Best Bit : Hilary works the builder  ‘W’ Rating  17/23

No.298 : We the Party (2012)

We the Party at the IMDb

I had mild hopes for this film having looked up the poster and some lesser reviews. Would it be a fresh and funny take on the issues of race, growing up and having a good time in a multi-ethnic Los Angeles High School? Sadly these hopes were dashed after five minutes when five diverse friends got together to make a bet : Who can lose their virginity by prom night? I appreciate teenage boys think only of getting laid but surely a slightly different take could have been offered when visiting this tired and overpopulated genre?

To be fair it isn’t the usual frat style film with gross out gags and a lot of nudity. This was a more leisurely take with the five lads going about their conquests in different ways. They all learned a little, gained some respect for the ladies and mostly got a little love.

The guys hold a pre-prom party and hand out flyers with ‘We the Party’ suggesting that they are hip dudes. We know they are not and the usual high school favourites of bully, jock, popular girl and stoner all have to be won over before the party is a success and our guys become bone fide playas.

There is a bit of learning too with an ethics teacher trying to get the kids to understand what is valuable in life - not cars and houses, but leaving a legacy like Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jnr. Our crew take this on board and one delivers his own take on the environment to great acclaim. I’d bet in the real world he’d have been soundly beaten afterwards but it was well scripted and performed.

The pace is sedate at best with long scenes that go nowhere accompanied to a smooth R&B soundtrack. Most of theses scenes involve fine young ladies in bikinis romping around in swimming pools so you can understand that they are playing to their audience of horny teenage guys - and me.

There isn’t much in the way of peril with the $20 a head bet never going to be disastrous for anyone. Some of it is however a bit on the nose with a long scene with a guy looking up girls’ skirts with a camera on his boot , complete with crotch shots, seriously misjudged.

There are some moral values employed with a school project centred around finding out the stories of homeless people. This sits awkwardly alongside the horny youth story line but you can’t say there isn’t something for everyone in here. The concert using their footage to a rap with an orchestral arrangement was great and it seemed all was going well until the prom money was stolen! Can it be recovered and will all of our cast, including the fat white girl in the body cast, find love?

Director Mario Van Peebles manages to get most of his extended family into the cast alongside a hardly seen Snoop Dogg who looked fetching in his pig tails.

Overall this was a decent slice of life with some good academic scenes set along side things more dubious. The young and mostly good looking cast did well with thin material and although everyone grew a bit I’m happy to say that I learned nothing. The soundtrack wasn’t my kind of thing but it was easy to get immersed in the beautiful people in sunny L.A and as a time passer you‘ll do a lot worse.

Best Bit : Pool Party  ’W’ Rating : 17/23.

No.287 : Whirlpool (1949)

Whirlpool at the IMDb

Black and white melodrama from 1949 now - well you have to spoil yourself sometimes. I actually quite enjoyed this one although the promised whirlpool never appeared - not even a Zanussi was on show.

The film starts Gene Tierney, who is a lady, and looks like a young Joan Collins on a good day. She helps herself to some five fingered discount at a department store but gets collared by the store detective. The store is about to call the cops but then a man shows up and points outs she’s rich and not black, so they let her go - and it was a $300 mermaid pin she nicked too!

It turns out stealing is OK if you are rich, and our lady, Ann, is independently wealthy and is married to a famous psychotherapist. I couldn’t tell you the names of any psychotherapists today, but I guess in the 1940s you had to make celebrities where you can - what with ‘Love Island’ being decades away.

Ann’s saviour, David Corvo, (Jose Ferrer) calls her up the next day and asks for a meeting. Ann suspects he’s a blackmailer and writes him a cheque for $5000 but he rips it up. Is he really a nice man or has he bigger plans for the easily suggestible Ann? We quickly know he’s a wrong ‘un when he hear of his money worries on the phone; and why has he snagged that glass with Ann’s finger prints on it? Ann is also warned off David by a former conquest of his who is suing him for the $60k (200 mermaid pins in old money) he embezzled from her.

After a few sessions with our hypnotist and fortune telling bad guy, Ann heads out after picking up some recordings and heads to a remote house. When she arrives she finds the dead body of the $60k woman and no memory of how she got there. She must have been hypnotised but you can’t make a non-killer kill under hypnosis and the main suspect is in hospital recovering from a gall bladder operation.

Will Ann get the electric chair or will her husband and the police chief engineer a way to get her off?

This was a decent offering if you can blot out the bombastic and sweeping soundtrack. It was fun to see different times with the privileged few bossing about their servants and waiters with aplomb. “You can clean up later” Ann tells her black maid with a sweep of her hand. Fuck you very much you murdering klepto!

The plot was pretty straightforward and we had no doubt as to what was happening throughout. The bad buy hypnotising himself seemed a bit daft as was the method of his downfall - just have her chuck them in the fire!

Tierney was good in the lead but a bit weak and simpering. The character may have demanded that, but I’d of hoped she may have sorted something out herself rather than rely on the men folk. I liked Ferrer as the slimy baddie with his penchant for ‘making love’ to vulnerable ladies. The stiff upper lipped and bow tied wearing husband played by Richard Conte was really dull and you can see why Ann went looking for shoplifting thrills. Filling out the cast was Charles Bickford who didn’t impress as the hard as nails police chief who, for some reason, allows a murderess and her husband out for the night for a session of deus ex machina plot resolution. Oh well, he was probably lonely due to having a dead wife.

Directed by Otto Preminger the film has good credentials and is well made. A lot of what goes on seems ridiculous now, but it’s an interesting throwback and although there is not one surprise it is an entertaining ride.

Best Bit : ‘He’s a pure shit’  ‘W’ Rating : 17/23

No.284 : Wild River (1960)

Wild River at the IMDb

Set in 1931, the film opens with some back and white archive footage of the terrible damage and loss of life suffered when the Tennessee river bursts its banks. This sets the scene for the drama which follows which sees Montgomery Clift’s Tennessee Valley Authority trouble shooter's attempt to clear a valley before the dam causes the area to be underwater. As normally happens in such situations everyone has sold up and moved on apart from one settlement.

This is run by a fearsome octogenarian who along with her simpleton son and granddaughter, Lee Remick, runs a slick operation that sees all the tenant farmers do all the work. This is the deep south remember so don’t tread here if you can’t take some pretty on the nose racial abuse. Grandma isn’t keen to move so Clift tries to undermine her by paying all her workers an eye watering $5 a day to help clear the land ahead of the flooding.

Huge mistake! The locals don’t like the black workers receiving the same pay and the local chamber of commerce worry that this fat pay day will ruin the local economy, which relies on the virtual slave labour of the black community.

Not being too worried about all the bother he’s causing Clift soon gets friendly with the widow Remick and lives up to his character’s name ‘Chuck’, as he chucks it up her with indent haste - this is the 1930’s remember.

Things come to a head as the US Marshalls are sent in for an eviction and the Good Ole Boys lay siege to Clift’s love nest. Will the old lady leave? Will the valley be flooded and will race relations be settled once and for all?

Directed by Elia Kazan (’Streetcar’, ’Waterfront’) this was a superior offering and, although it did dip in the middle a bit, it was engaging and tense.

Clift was good in the lead and I liked that he wasn’t a butch hero as he got his clock cleaned every time he squared up to the local bullies. He was clearly a lover more than a fighter as he was invited to stay overnight in Remick’s shack the first day he got her off the island. The cantankerous old granny was good fun with her nastiness clearly been brought about by fear of change.

The film was a bit dated in it’s depiction of black workers with many simpering to Clift with questions about where electricity comes from "do you wring it out the water?" one asks. To be fair Clift’s character is a progressive offering trips to the dam and fair pay to one and all. This approach is a bit naive and he does concede at one point that he forgot he was in the south.

Remick is a bit simpering in the female lead and too keen to fall into Clift’s arms and desert old grandma. The showdown at the end was good although they didn’t hold true with the premise of Chekhov’s gun - a big shooter was found and fondled after an hour, but never seen again!

This was an interesting production that will serve as a historical document detailing the real life efforts to bring safety and electricity to a bunch of yokels who were fine as they are thanks very much, and to a film made 30 years after the event which would be radically different if made today.

Best Bit : Here‘s $4 get the best bottle of wine you can find.  17/23

No.275 : Wij (2018)

Wij at the IMDb

In our never ending search for ‘W’ films we head to Holland now . If anyone thinks this shouldn’t count, the title translates as ‘We’ - so that’s a bilingual title; but does twice the title equate to twice the fun?

I wouldn’t say the film was ‘fun’ but it was interesting and engaging and, despite lots of nudity, I was able to enjoy it.

The film is told in four parts with the events of one Summer replayed through the eyes of four different characters. We open with court proceedings and then jump into the first of the four chapters ‘Simon’. We meet the 8 main characters who are a mixed sex group of teenagers on the Dutch/Belgian border. All chapters open on ‘June 10’ and we see various events in an almost random order. Key events are portrayed differently in each, but it’s more ‘Rashoporn’ than ‘Rashomon. That’s not to say it’s all about titillation, more about young free spirits who start to get out of control.

The gang take a bike ride and after flashing some motorists they take over an abandoned caravan. Things seem quite idyllic at first but the party game of ‘can you guess what’s being shoved inside you’ gives a small clue that isn’t isn’t going to be ‘Swallows and Amazons’. Well swallows maybe…

We see that the leader of the crew, Thomas, is a psycho from the start, when he grabs a dog out being walked from his moped and drags it up the street. We also see that the gang have no shortage of money and despite Thomas being from a well off family it’s not initially clear where the cash comes from.

The uninhibited troupe soon start to up the ante with full blown motorway flashing resulting in a tragedy which they are largely dismissive of. We also learn early on that one of the girls dies in questionable circumstances and we have to guess who was responsible and whether anyone will face justice. As we enter Thomas’ segment things come to a head - prostitution, abortions and home made porn all show up - it was never like this at BB camp. As the missing pieces of the puzzle fall into place we wonder if anything can mitigate the horrible events and whether just desserts will be served to the right person.

I liked this film despite its incessantly dark tone and nihilist vibe. The cast do well with a script that demands everything from them and engages them in some pretty sordid acts. Thomas was best with his thin moustache and psychotic behaviour. The jury was out on most of the gang but events towards the end, shown from his warped perspective and reality, show that he was indeed the one to watch. The film closes with some ambiguity regarding his motivations but nothing can justify the dog.

The film wasn’t that full on in respect of nudity and sex, apart from one hardcore scene where they wore masks - I’d bet some porn stars were drafted in for that. Despite that concession the rest full engaged in some brutal abuse that was hard to watch.

‘Lost youth and innocence’ are well worn tropes and there wasn’t an explanation why everyone went along with the nefarious plans. True, there were some challenges but I guess Stockholm Syndrome and the allure of easy money are pretty strong motivations to the weak willed.

The editing was good with just enough information drip fed so that you stayed engaged and invested.

Overall a good but disconcerting watch.

Best Bit : When they were all still young and innocent! 17/23

No. 260 : War Dogs (2016)

War Dogs at the IMDb

We all remember how dire ‘War Pigs’ was, but what about the canine variety of war film?

This one isn’t about the war itself or fighting in general but is more about the arms dealers who occupy the morally dubious role of gun runner and weapons provider to the highest bidder.

The film opens with the familiar premise of the lead character having a bad day. His voice over does the predictable thing of saying ‘I’m getting ahead of myself’ before we dissolve into the past where things start off.

Our hero is David (Miles Teller) who is making a few bucks as a Miami masseuse. He gets come ones from his elderly male clients and has a failing sideline of selling Egyptian cotton sheets to old folks’ homes. If he’d invested in rubber ones he’d have had more success. At a funeral he meets up with Efraim (Jonah Hill) who seems to be doing better - at the buffet table at least.

Efraim has a lucrative business finding the ‘crumbs’ on a government procurement website and supplying the goods to the army. They do OK for a while but David keeps his activities secret from his annoying wife as she is against the war in Iraq - we are in the 90’s after all. He wife is so annoying she takes the huff when she finds big bricks of cash in the bathroom - I’d have given him a big kiss!

Things take an upturn when a deal for Italian pistols comes their way and, despite having to deliver them in person, the success of the deal opens new doors for them. Soon they are in Vegas and a seemingly chance meeting with Bradley Cooper’s blacklisted arms dealer sets them up for a deal of a lifetime. The crumbs are forgotten as a $300 million banquet hoves into view. As you’d expect locating and delivering 100 million AK47 bullets is no small task, and soon the lads are falling out and dodging lots of shady characters in 90’s tracksuits.

Will they survive to tell the tale? The voiceover suggests yes!

This was a pretty decent film with a good cast and production values. Romania ghosted as Albania and it looked suitably bleak. The scenes in Iraq were well done and there was a bit of peril as they tried to escape those guys in a van out of ‘Back to the Future’.

There was an ongoing reference to the film ‘Scarface’ down to even the poster which seems a bit insensitive as actor Miles Teller has several facial scars from a real life car crash - still, do what you know I guess.

The three acts of the film were rote large with the success moment lasting about two minutes before the usual twin beasts of greed and paranoia taking over. It seemed such a waste but you do have to remind yourself that these are terrible people.

Jonah Hill was a lot like his persona from ’This Is the End’ and you knew he wasn’t to be trusted from the start. Teller’s every-man David was supposed to elicit our sympathy but between his naivety and annoying wife he failed to get a smidgen from me.

The file was directed by Todd Phillips from the Hangover films and this one was short of laughs, although reasonably engaging. He and Cooper co-produced so that gained the film a couple of scenes of Cooper going through the motions in a pair of glasses that magnified his eyes to a distracting level.

The film boasts a great soundtrack with several rock classics keeping things moving along - and then Leonard Cohen at the end!

It was a decent ride and seemed shorter than it’s near two-hour running time. I don’t think I learned much and the write ups I’ve read suggest the ‘based on a true’ story caption should be taken loosely at best. Still an enjoyable watch and free on Amazon Prime as I write.


Best Bit : No we're not waiting for your free glass token at the garage.
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.259 : What Happened to Monday (2017)

What Happened to Monday @ The IMDb

No question mark for this seemingly interrogative title - maybe it’s just a report as to the fate of the weekday monikered heroine?

This was a pretty enjoyable Netflix offering with a good cast, plenty of action, nudity and violence to keep things ticking over. The scene is set with a familiar montage over the opening credits as the world goes to shit. Over-population has led to a new policy of ‘one child per family’ with any extra siblings put into 'cryo-sleep' until things get better.

Willem Dafoe lacks a social conscience so when his wife, who dies in childbirth, hatches seven daughters he decides to keep the lot of them. As there are seven he names each after a day of the week, meaning each girl can go out on their name day each week. Lucky he wasn’t a Disney fan or Grumpy would be waiting for Bashful to get out of the goddamn toilet.

Anyway we fast forward 30 years and the plan is going well. Willem has disappeared off the scene with no explanation given - guess he was only booked for the first half hour. The girls share the identity of ‘Karen Settman’ and manage to hold down a job at a bank by giving the others a bed time run down of the day’s events so the rest can pick things up on their day. Guess Saturday and Sunday got the best of this deal!

Things go awry when Monday doesn’t come home after her day at work. The rest, all ably played by Noomi Rapace, try to work out what has happened whilst trying to keep their own secrets safe. Meanwhile evil politician Glenn Close is trying to get to high office where her plans for even more draconian laws spell trouble for everyone - well except the planet.

Soon our fish are well and truly out of the water and the hunt is on - how many will survive and what has happened to Monday?

This was an above average sci-fi thriller. It’s a pretty dystopian 2073 - pissing down and rubbish on the streets are your clues! Some of the tech like the well designed palm phones and a digital punch bag sit uncomfortably with the all rat diet but I guess you can piss away resources on some shiny stuff while making do on rodent stew.

The seven sisters are well realised with predictable quirks and differing haircuts setting each apart and the editing is excellent so you really can’t see the joins when Noomi is on the screen as seven characters all at once. The flashbacks with Dafoe are well done although they did lift that finger chopping bit from ‘The Prestige’ more or less wholesale.

What surprised me was the level of violence with some really brutal men versus ladies fist fights with plenty of blood. I was also surprised that some siblings were lost but not so much about the big reveal.

There was a bit of an attempt for some social commentary regarding climate change and overpopulation, this was however a bit muddled. Glenn Close is seemingly a mental baddie but her policies will save humanity whereas Dafoe is the hero father who's spewing out kids faster than the midwife can catch them. I guess the theme is 'difficult choices' but as Close said if everyone procreated like Dafoe the planet wouldn't last five minutes.

At a bit over two hours the film could have lost 20 minutes, with the last third decidedly flabby. It was however well constructed, so that a potentially confusing tale of seven identical twins was easy to follow. The title was a bit poor though - I’d have went with ‘The Secret Seven’. No wait, ‘Sister Act 7’.

Best Bit : Blonde Karen syncs with the guard
W Rating : 17/23

No.252 : Wendigo (2001)

Wendigo at the IMDb

A strange horror/monster/ghost story mash up now in this 2001 chiller. Patricia Clarkson stars along with the youngest out of ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ as well as an English actor I didn’t recognise but he was in the ‘Dawn of the Dead’ remake.

The film opens with the three family members heading for a weekend in the mountains. Gawd knows why as it’s freezing and the area is populated by hillbillies but maybe the Paisley Glynhill was fully booked. They don’t get far in their Volvo before a stag appears in the road and comes worst off in the collision. The deer was being stalked by some hunters and they aren’t happy that the antlers were damaged in the collision. The Dad manages to talk them off but we see that arch hillbilly,Otis, remains unimpressed.

At the lodge they find a window broken and a bullet embedded in the wall. Rather than run for the hills they settle down for the night where the Boy is troubled by visions of a hillbilly home invasion. The couple also get it on on the sofa unaware that they are being watched by Otis. So far so predictable but the titular Wendigo has yet to show up.

The next day in town they are buying curry ingredients so that Dad can continue with his racist impressions. The boy is confronted in the thrift store by a supposedly enigmatic Native American who gives him a small statue of a Wendigo and spouts off some mystical gubbins. When he shows it to his Mum the man is gone and the assistant makes them pay $4 for the model - the oldest scam in the book! As they set off the mysterious Indian appears again - no doubt off to spend his share of the four bucks.

Next day the father and son go sledging and Dad falls from the sled mid run. The boy heads back to him but is scared off by some snow flurries and what looks like a monster made out of twigs. After passing out he’s revived by Mum who is worried for the husband whom they eventually find in their driveway having crawled home. It turns out he’s been shot - possibly accidentally by stumbling into a rifle range but more likely deliberately by Otis who thinks their house is rightfully his.

The family make a desperate dash to the hospital while the police seek Otis - will the Wendigo show up again to save the day?

I quite enjoyed this film despite it’s thin plot and far fetched premise. There’s not a lot going on apart from the standard strangers vs. locals squabble with a tree/deer monster thrown in to add a bit of value.

From the off the boy character is a bit strange and I think they are trying for a bit a ‘The Shining’ vibe from him. He’s meant to be a bit complex and introverted, and perhaps more in tune with nature than most but he just comes across as a bit dull and slow. Clarkson does better as the Mum although a lot of her scenes involve her running about a bit upset.

The hillbillies were more fun but a bit stereotypical as was the Sheriff who failed to convince - he deserves a hammering for that performance!

The Wendigo itself was ill-defined despite the wise old Indian in the thrift shop banging on about its powers. It was funny to see its P.O.V. shot when chasing the boy as it consisted of only a few twigs stuck around the camera lens. Towards the end it turned into a two legged ferocious deer which was confirmed by the Indian saying it could shape shift - my guess was that the costume shop was late in its delivery.

There wasn’t a lot or horror or scares here but it was a decent effort with some nice snow covered locations and a scenario that stayed just the right side of outrageously silly.

Best Bit : Twig man’s gonna get you!
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.245 : What Richard Did (2012)

What Richard Did at the IMDb

 If you regard knowing ‘What Richard Did’ as a spoiler, walk away now as it would be hard to discuss the film without mentioning the pivotal event. You’d probably guess anyway - it’s hardly going be that he cheated at Scrabble or something.

This is an Irish film from 2012 with an unknown cast and an almost drama-documentary approach to the storytelling. The characters all chat over each other and there is very little in the way of music, but you are drawn in and the film makes you feel like an onlooker to actual events.

The titular Richard is a young Irish rugby player. He has rich parents who own a beach house and he is the leader of his group of pals. They all look up to him and we see him carrying out good deeds such as taking a youngster under his wing and helping a girl on the verge of being date raped. These philanthropic traits are however seen in a different light later on when his skills at lying as used for less worthy goals and he is also seen to have weaknesses of his own.

The first half hour of the film is taken up with Richard and his friends heading to the beach house having bought a cargo of beer. You wonder what the point of it all is, as it trundles along with meandering scenes and largely pointless dialogue. It does well at setting the tension levels however as you are keen to know what it is that he did and when he’s going to do it - it’s Itchy and Scratchy heading to the fireworks  factory all over again!

Although handsome, fit and a friend to all we gradually get the idea that Richard maybe isn’t all he’s cracked up to with throwaway comments about people’s accents and bulimics suggesting he may be more of a dick than we initially thought. Things come to a head when he jealously sits at a party watching his new girlfriend chat to friends including a former boyfriend, and team mate of Richard, Conor.

After brooding outside the party for a while Richard confronts Conor and the two fight. After Conor gets a beating from Richard with the aid of his rugby mates, Richard gives him a final kick to the head before heading home. The next morning they learn that Conor has died of his injuries and the remainder of the film deals with the fallout. Will Richard come clean to the police or will he try to escape the consequences of his actions?

I enjoyed this moral drama and, although slightly ambiguous in its ending, I’m sure that the seeds peppered throughout the film pointed towards Richard’s character flaws dictating his final response. Although hanging on one event and decision the 85 minute film didn’t seem padded with a lot of effort put into the character development that ensured the subsequent revelations were well earned.

There were lots of scenes that ended abruptly or seemed to have little relevance but the compound effect of these was to make you feel like a voyeur peeping into the lives of others. The acting was top notch and Jack Reynor did a good job as Richard, making him likable but objectionable all at once.

At the end I don’t think there was much in the way of ambiguity and you could level accusations against the film of not having much to say. It is however an intense character piece and a great example of someone being built up and then slowly dismantled by his flaws.

‘W’ Rating 17/23
Best bit : Going for the 3 points!

No.241 : When Trumpets Fade (1998)

When Trumpets Fade at the IMDb

‘TV Movie’ is often a solid pointer to the quality you can expect from a film but this HBO production was impressive in terms of its cast, scale and effects.

The film is book-ended with scenes of soldiers carrying an injured comrade from the battle field. In between the horrors of the Hurtgen Forest campaign are explored through the eyes of Manning, played by Ron Eldard - he was the nice one in ‘Drop Dead Fred’.

Manning is a lowly private who cares only for surviving the war. His platoon has been decimated and he is carrying his fallen comrade Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice) on his back. We know it’s a pointless gesture as Donovan has what looks like a pink jellyfish stuck on the side of his head and soon Manning has to make a terrible choice.

Back at base his commanders recognize his battlefield skills - basically staying alive - and promote him to Sergeant in charge of a group of new recruits. Manning drills them mercilessly hoping to keep both them and himself alive. Things come to a head when he is charged with capturing a bridge with the promise of a medical discharge if he’s successful. Will he win his discharge at any cost and will a battlefield promise hold any weight anyway?

I wasn’t expecting much from this 90 minute TV movie but it delivered on almost all fronts. There were a lot of familiar clichés and some sections were virtual retreads of the episode of ‘Band of Brothers’ that covered the same engagement. Of course if you have a flamethrower it has to explode and there were a couple of inventive scenes such as the walk through the mine field which kept things interesting.

The cast was excellent although some big named players such as Timothy Olyphant were in virtual ‘blink and you’ll miss them’ roles. It was also a waste to have Bobby Carnivale in the cast and have him as an officer’s assistant rather than some murderous gung-go maverick that we know he does so well.

Ron Eldard was OK in the lead but I wasn’t totally buying his fragile mental state and his self preservation bit was incongruous with his actions when helping out his platoon. I guess he’s a mixed up character but it’s hard to pull for someone when you don’t know where their motivations lie.

For a TV film there is a fuck load of swearing and some of the deaths and dismemberments were up there on the ‘Private Ryan’ scale of gory. The battle scenes were well executed with a well drilled cast of dozens doing well in a fantastically realised battlefield full of debris and body parts.

I don’t think the film had an awful lot new to say about the horrors of war, and as a character study it was lacking too, but overall this was an enjoyable spectacle and well worth a look.

Best Bit : Bridge Offensive
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.221 : We Bought a Zoo (2011)

We Bought a Zoo at the IMDb

This likeable family comedy drama tells the true tale of an American family who buy a zoo. What? It was British people and the action has been changed to make it look like Americans are the heroes? It’s U-571 all over again!

To be fair I wasn't looking for a documentary of the economics of purchasing a zoo so let’s see if it’s entertaining at least.

Matt Damon plays Benjamin who is all sad after his wife died before the action started. He is caring for his two kids, one of who is a cutie pie small girl and the other a dickish teenage boy who gets expelled from school for stealing and being a gun toting psycho in waiting.  He enlists the help of an estate agent but rather than a helpful one he gets Leon out of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ who manages to stop swearing for his short part. After literary a few houses they are bereft of hope but wait, there’s one left! - but it’s a dilapidated zoo. Let’s buy that then!

The family move in with indecent haste and start to realise the extent of their commitment. A prick of a zoo inspector, who is clearly just doing his job, tells them to fix stuff up what with all the man eating animals and all, and they also have a tiger who isn't feeling Grrrrreeaattt!

Luckily the zoo staff are all lovely apart from the bitch of a bookkeeper who is rightfully sent to Mexico for pointing out they have run out of money. Helpfully they find a few bucks the dead wife was hiding, and soon we are making progress. Minor setbacks like a bit of rain and an escaped bear hinder their progress or at least pad the running time before it is eventually time to open - will anyone show up or will McDonalds cart off the animal cast members for burgers over the credits?

I didn't really fancy this film when it was released as it looked a bit like the whole plot is divulged in the title. In truth it was but it was still enjoyable and I have to confess to a small tear in the eye when it all turned out well, which it was always going to do.

Damon is fine as the grieving father although his zoo buying antics do seem a bit out of character - still who hasn't woken up with the odd zoo or funfair in their property portfolio? Scarlett Johansson doesn't get a lot to do as the love interest keeper and although she has been de-glamourised somewhat, this served only to give the impression that her character smelled of horses.

I didn't like the annoying son whose arc was unbelievable or Angus Macfaddyen who didn't convince as the drunken Scotsman, which was quite a feat given he’s Scottish. Better were Thomas Hayden Church as the sceptical brother who eventually gets on board after deciding he likes people more than animals - probably a good idea legally speaking too, and John Michael Higgins as the evil zoo inspector who wasn't so bad really.

It would be a hard hearted reviewer who isn’t positive about this happy tale of redemption and killing tigers, so given my heart is virtually mush it’s two thumbs up from me!

Best Bit : I liked the extending tape measure best.

‘W’ Rating 17/23

No.190 : Water for Elephants (2011)

Water For Elephants at the IMDb

Robert Pattinson and Reece Witherspoon star in this circus drama which was a lot more enjoyable than I’d expected.

The film opens and closes with old Hal Holbrook wandering about a closed circus. Luckily the carnie folk don’t rob him and stick him in the hotdog machine, but choose to listen to his tales of the circus life he’d lead. His narration slowly dissolves into that of Robert Pattison and we head back in time…

Pattison plays Jacob, a young student in depression era America who is studying to become a vet. Alas, he literally sits down to take his final exam when the police arrive to tell him his family is all dead and the house is being repossessed - I hate mornings like that. Jacob goes walking the railway tracks, as you do, and hops on the first open carriage that passes him. This could have been a mistake as it’s full of carnies but happily Bishop Brennan is there to take him in and offer him some lunch.

The train is a travelling circus and after meeting the enigmatic ringmaster (Christoph Waltz) he gets a job shovelling shit. His near veterinary qualifications come in handy when the star turn horse gets sick and Jacob uses all his skill to shoot the nag in the head. This enrages the hot tempered ring master but endears him to his wife who presumably didn’t like the nag anyway.

The boss soon gets over his desire to chuck Jacob off the train and soon has him as his chief vet. Jacob also starts to make friends with his midget bunkmate and several other carnival folk note of whom are nasty apart from Ken Foree, and he had that bad experience with zombies to blame for his less than sunny disposition.

The circus is always in money troubles and Waltz decides that an elephant is the answer. Alas the elephant is rubbish and gets many well deserved beatings from the hard pressed ring master. Jacob however discovers that the elephant speaks Polish and soon she’s doing all manner of tricks to save the show. Whether anyone noticed the irony of exploiting an elephant to show an elephant being exploited isn’t explored.

As time passes Jacob and the ring master’s wife get closer just as the top hatted one  gets more violent and irrational. Can true (cheating) love prevail and will the elephant survive? We know Jacob will as we see him as an old man, but how can the lovely Reece be saved? And who’s putting all those animals back?

This may have the accursed tag of ‘family film’ but there was plenty to like with lots of elephant beatings and adultery to keep the kids happy. Pattison doesn’t have much of a range but he seems a decent guy  and I’m sure he’ll be OK by the time he gets to Hal Holbrook’s age. Reece, who decently starred in her husband’s drink driving video, was fine in her skimpy costumes but she didn’t convince as the child found on a box who had grown up in the circus - didn’t even swear once and had no tattoos! Waltz was the star turn but his mania here was a bit too random to be convincing and it wasn’t clear why he has such a loyal staff when his redundancy policy consisted of chucking them off a train.

The sets and locations were great with classic evocations of hot summers days and elephant shit. The animal scenes were well done although there was a touch of CGI in the final scene of the animals escaping  - goddamn sissy extras! The finale was well earned, and although a bit schmaltzy, I’m all for it.

Overall a  good, solid, well made slice of depression era circus life with animals beaten, justice served and people murdered - sounds like a fun night out!

THE Tag Line - Come to the Circus - Maulings extra  76%

No.167 : War Witch (2012)

War Witch at the IMDb

The 100 ‘W’ movie blog makes a welcome return to celebrate the many, many ‘W’ films nominated for this year’s Academy awards. We’ll begin with ‘War Witch’ before moving to the lighter charms of ‘Wreck It Ralph’ and then … Well that’s it, but what a haul eh? We showed them ‘Z’ fans - ‘Zero dark Thirty’ and that’s their lot!

‘War Witch’ is nominated in the ‘Best Foreign Language Film’ category and I have to say that it’ll be a good film that beats it - not that I plan to trawl through the ‘W’ initial free Norwegian entry for one.

The film follows the terrible struggles of Komona who lives in a war torn, but unspecified African country. We open with the 14 year old in the late stages of a pregnancy and she relates the trials of her last two years to her unborn child.

We flashback to her as a 12 year old as rebels attack her village and seize several children, including Kamora, to fight their war. As a way of severing her ties with the village they make her machine gun her own parents. She is reluctant at first, but soon lets fly when the parents are threatened with torture. She does come round to the idea quite quickly though, and I have to wonder if the parents regret not getting her that iPad for Christmas.

The rebels soon have the kids trained with AK47s and have them lead raids against government troops. In one early battle Komora is warned of an ambush by some ghosts and is thereafter feted as a ‘war witch’, a rare prize to the superstitious guerrillas. Her new status sees her treatment improve and she soon makes a friend in Magician, a pale skinned lad who makes necklaces and charms that deflect bullets which patently don’t work.

After a brutal battle Magician and Komona escape their warlord boss and after finding the required white cockerel they are married and enjoy a brief period of happiness. Needless to say this is short-lived and before long Komora is back being all witchy and being abused by her commander. Will she be able to escape with only an avocado and a razor blade? Will she find peace and safety and be able to rest the spirits that haunt her? Let’s hope so - I need some cheering up after this!

Despite the grim subject matter and subtitles I really liked this film. It is brutal, but as most of the violence happens off screen it’s your own imagination that fills in the blanks, which is usually worse. The harrowing scenes are more or less relentless, with each chink of light mercilessly snatched away by a gun or machete.

I liked the ‘Sixth Sense’ notion of Komona being able to see dead people and although the corpses looked like they were just a bit sloppy at plastering, it was spooky to see the soldiers on a battlefield being replaced by so many ghosts.

The two leads were great with no obvious acting going on - the pain, grinding poverty and inhumanity was brutally realised and it was almost as big an ordeal to watch as they clearly had making it. There were some brief moments of levity such as them getting drunk on hallucinogenic tree resin but it was all ruined by an engineered car accident to get undeserved compensation - I’m reporting this to the ABI (or local equivalent).

For me this was a brutal and authentic slice of life, and although not enjoyable it certainly kept my interest and delivered a few choice cuts along the way. Ouch!

Best Bit : What do you like in your avacado?

'W' Rating 17/23

No. 147 : White Zombie (1932)

White Zombie at the IMDb

Here’s an early talkie featuring horror maestro Bela Legosi dating from 1932 which was feared lost bur rediscovered in the 1960s. When you see the print and hear the sound you may think that it would have been better off staying lost but that would be to deny yourself a cracking film with some real iconic moments.

The film is set on Haiti and a young man is bringing his girlfriend home to the family plantation to marry her. On their way to the house their coach is set upon by some zombies. Their driver explains that these dead people have been reanimated so they can work the farms. The mysterious and aptly named Murder Legende (Legosi) is nearby and manages to swipe the bride to be’s scarf.

Understandably a bit upset at the zombie infestation the couple bunk down for the night but elsewhere nefarious plans are afoot. Another suitor of the lovely girl won’t give her up and seeks advice from Legosi, who predictably enough comes up with a diabolical scheme involving his zombie raising powers. Using the stolen scarf and some nifty candle carving skills he kills the new bride much to the overacting of her groom.

With the bride in a box the husband hits the bottle while Legosi gets ready to reanimate the body. All is not well however as the reanimated woman isn’t quite the life and soul of the party that the suitor believed. A bit like the old joke really - I think my wife is dead, the sex is the same but the washing up is piling up. Having being clued up by a local missionary the husband sets about recovering his wife and taking revenge against Murder and his cadre of corpses.

At only 65 minutes this film stuffs a lot in but given the crappy quality of the stock you have to be grateful for that. My summary is based on watching the film but having read some other comments it appears that different interpretations can be made. This is understandable as I’m a bit slow and at times it was impossible to make out the audio. It also doesn’t help that the narrative gets a bit confused in the last quarter and that the two love rivals look a lot like each other.

On the plus side you do get the first ever screen appearance of zombies and they haven’t been as scary since, They aren’t flesh eating or anything mental just mindless slaves capable of any evil command. They are all under Legosi’s direct control and this leads to a funny scene at the end once Legosi has been knocked out. As they all strive for the perfect dive.

Of the actors Legosi steals the show although sound may not be his forte as he often just strikes a menacing pose and holds it. The worst is the missionary who flubs every line and clearly doesn’t believe a word of the tosh he’s spouting. Similarly bad is the butler who has the presence of mind to hold his nose when he’s thrown into the seas by the zombies.

The direction is really impressive and certainly ahead of its time. You get fancy split screens, match cuts and some pretty convincing ghostly special effects where our pissed up man keeps seeing his dead wife floating about. Legosi hogs most of the screen when he’s on set but when you see his evil face you’ll know why. The other leads are OK but nothing notable apart from the lead zombie who basically sewed up the genre look in this outing.

The ending is a bit pat but overall the production is pretty lavish with the sets a rival to the great Universal epics. Before we close a word on the title. The ‘white zombie’ is the lady and the title is to separate her from all the other zombies who are largely black plantation workers. You wouldn’t get away with that kind of profiling today - you’d have to call it ‘White Living Impaired Individual’.

Best Bit : Zombie Dive Off
‘W’ Rating : 17/23

No. 122 : Waiting 2 : Still Waiting (2009)

Waiting 2 at the IMDb

I appreciate this choice may attract some criticism on the many ‘W’ movie forums as technically it’s one for our ‘S’ loving friends. I have seen the original ‘Waiting’ but can’t remember enough about it to write a review. I do remember it was unexceptional and rather than rewatch it I thought I’d have a look at the sequel instead. Think of it as a review of the ‘Waiting franchise’ if that makes you feel better. Strange choice of title though, as the films will be in different sections of your local Blockbuster and deny the opportunity of a ‘Waiting’ frenzy. Hardly likely I know, but it seems a poor marketing choice.

This film, like ‘Without a Paddle :Nature’s Calling’, is a straight to video sequel of a totally forgettable film. Here the second helping is more understandable as the whole thing is shot in a restaurant and therefore really cheap without looking cheap. It also means that you can get name actors for the poster while only having to pay then for an hour’s work. Well if Luis Guzman and David Koechner are your idea of ‘name’ actors.

The film takes place over one day in the life of ‘Shenanigans’ restaurant, the same one as in the original film. The diner has a new boss in the shape of Dennis, played by John Michael Higgins whom you’ll recognize if you’ve seen any of those Christopher Guest mockumentaries, who is still living with his Mom. He can’t find a girl and is under pressure from his boss Champ Kind who demands he makes $9000 in takings if he’s to get the district manager job.

Dennis is keen to succeed as he thinks it will help him score chicks and get him away from his disrespectful staff. Unfortunately for him a new ‘Hooters’ style restaurant has opened in the same mall and is taking all his business. Running alongside this plot we also follow a girl who has joined the titty joint but is unsure of her career path. Her plot line is pretty limp and serves only to allow lots of shots of hot chicks - fair enough with me.

Keen to get his promotion Dennis tells his staff the diner will close if they fail, spurring them onto unexpected levels of modest work. We follow various staff members through the day from the speech impediment suffering chef to the drunk front of house lady who has a great rack. As the day comes to a close a familiar face comes to visit and a rogue fly may decide the outcome of the day’s endeveaours.

Although by no means a classic I found myself enjoying this film which has a few decent laughs peppered throughout. My favourite sequence was a waiter, who’d been told off for swearing saying “I’d like to F her A and C on her T’s’ and when a woman stormed out offended added “What is she in the CIA or something?”. Not highbrow you understand but funny nonetheless.

I also like the scene where Dennis gets an instruction video on how to pull chicks. The advice given was shocking and useful in equal measure! There were also good digs at pensioners and several reasons why you should never send your food back.

The film certainly never gets lofty ambitions and you know it’s low rent when the big star turn is Justin Long reprising his role from the first film in a mirth free outing. There is enough to like in Waiting 2 (as it shall now be known!) to justify second helpings and I’m certainly happy to give it a tip. Tip it. Hmm pun needs work.

Best Bit : Pulling Chicks the easy way
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No. 113 : Without A Clue (1988)

Without a Clue at the IMDb

This film opens with Sherlock Holmes apprehending a gang of thieves using his customary wit and a bit of derring do - but things are not all they seem. Once the police and press have gone home from fawning over the master detective he gets yelled at by his assistant, Dr Watson.

Dr Watson, it transpires, is the brains of the outfit and Sherlock Holmes is a character he’s created for his mystery stories, who is played by an unemployed actor. Watson is annoyed that his creation hogs the limelight and he gets no joy when he asks his publisher to let him take centre stage as ‘The Doctor Detective’.

With their relationship broken down Holmes (an excellent Michael Caine) hits the bottle and chases the ladies but soon runs out of cash. Watson on the other hand is threatened with breach of contract by his publisher (Peter Cook) and charged by the Queen herself to investigate the theft of some printing blocks which could ruin the Empire through counterfeit cash.

The duo reluctantly team up and are soon visited by the lovely Lysette Anthony who says her printer father has been abducted. This together with some imported ink and a fire at a paper factory suggest large scale forging is underway and the only man capable of such a neferious feat is the evil Dr Moriarty.

During a shoot out at the docks Watson is seemingly killed it’s up to the hapless Holmes to solve the case with only the help of his landlady and lovely Lynette. With the baddies traced to an old theatre Holmes has to rely on his actor’s training rather than his wits to save the day.

I really enjoyed this film despite it’s pretty straightforward plot and slap stick gags. Michael Caine does a great old soak and Ben Kingsley offers a good counterpoint as the undervalued Watson. The production is sumptuous throughout with Victorian London looking marvellous, replete with urchins and gas lamps.

Of the second string I was a bit disappointed in the usually reliable Jeffrey ‘Beuller’ Jones as Inspector LeStrade whose voice seemed badly dubbed. Maybe his 'gor blimey' accent didn’t cut the mustard but it was distracting nonetheless. Lysette Anthony did her usual posh bird bit and she certainly offered few surprises when her character’s motivations were revealed - nice stockings though!

Despite a few throat slashings this is good family fayre with no sex or swearing. Normally that’d put me off but there is a lot to like in this film with great performances from the two leads and a reasonable sprinkling of laughs throughout.

Best Bit : The mystery of the ass grabber is solved
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No. 101 : Watchmen (2009)

Watchmen at the IMDb

Due to an unprecedented one request the ‘W’ quest is resurrected for one final fling (well unless I manage to track down ‘White Dog’) with the once promised ‘Watchmen’ getting the final bow as originally promised. I should apologise for my tardiness as un-updated blogs are a bug bear of mine - ‘The Stink’ I’m looking at you!

Anyway the ‘W’ quest came and went with consummate ease and frankly it was a bit too easy to keep my interest. I had visions of scouring car boot sales for ancient VHS’s of long forgotten films to complete the challenge but even with hastily invented ‘no definite article’ and ‘no sequel' rules the ton was passed without a blip.

The Challenge revealed, somewhat predictably, that having a ‘W’ first initial is no guarantee of quality and indeed the misses outweighed the hits by several to a few. I did think of starting other challenges such as ‘Films with numbers in the title (no sequel numbers)’ and ‘Films where the lead character is called Steve or Stephen’ but sadly neither has yet to gain the necessary lottery funding.

I have kept busy in the interim by watching all of the Daily Mail’s war film collection and the latest additions to the IMDb 250 including the 1936 classic ‘My Man Godfrey’. Seeking suggestions from my brother was a poor choice however with the risible and downright nasty ‘Mum & Dad’ the best of a poor bunch.

Anyway on with the highly anticipated ‘Watchmen’ which I saw at the cinema a week after release to coincide with my 38th birthday celebrations. The film was viewed from the premium seats (supplement unpaid) at the Odeon Glasgow Quay in a select audience of six. The film has seemingly under performed with the $100 million mark just squeezed by in the States and screenings here falling off after a fortnight. The reviews were largely lukewarm which probably cost it an audience beyond the comic fans, together with its bum numbing 3 hour running time.

I’m sure you are all aware of the plot and if not check out the Wikipedia as I’ll assume a basic knowledge of the book and characters lest I bore my few regulars by churning up old ground.

The book is a stone cold classic that still turns up gems at the twentieth time of reading (‘raw shark’ indeed!) and it was always going to be a fool’s errand to try and distil its essence onto the big screen. The initial word was good however, with the characters surviving more or less intact as were the 1980’s setting and quirky details like the Gunga Diner and Hollis Mason’s body shop sign. Questions about an altered ending were raised early on and the wholesale removal of ‘The Black Freighter’ was also a concern.

The film opens well with a clever titles montage that showed the genesis of the superhero in America with plenty of nods to the book such as Dollar Bill lying dead in a bank’s revolving door just as Bob Dylan sang of being stuck in the doorway. From there not much altered from the book and that was a bit of a problem for me. With many scenes lifted intact I found myself getting a bit impatient waiting for the next bit to come along. In the opening scene of The Comedians demise, which was beautifully and faithfully realised, I was subconsciously willing the film along as I knew what was going to happen. I felt a similar urge to ‘fast forward’ throughout the film during several scenes such as Laurie and Dan in the basement (although not in the Owl ship!) and the Mars section, not because they were badly done just because the subject matter was so familiar.It's fine and well being reverential to the original work but a bit of insight and interpreation wouldn't have gone amiss.

During the film’s long gestation an animated comic of the original book was done in twelve chapters and I felt that the film was really just a more expensive version of that. I wouldn’t call the film a failure, and if I’d went in cold with no knowledge of the book I’d have loved it, but instead it just seemed a pretty soulless exercise in assisting the illiterate.

Of the actors Jackie Earl Haley was the pick of the litter with his note perfect Rorschach and I also liked Malin Akerman as the free spirited Laurie who matched her earlier showing in ‘Harold and Kumar Get the Munchies’.

As a spectacle and technical achievement ‘Watchmen’ is an unqualified success but for this reviewer the lack of insight and innovation made the whole experience somewhat empty and a definite disappointment.


I won’t end the quest on a down note however and would say that for the production values alone the film is well worth £6 of your cash and the cast are excellent to a man - that man being Matthew Goode whose Adrian Viedt lacked any charisma, malevolence, style - well just about anything really. I also disliked his CGI Bustabus which just looked like an invading Looney Tune, so at least they were well matched!

The long road to the Watchmen has been littered with crappy films, the odd nugget of goodness and the occasional surprise. If you are on medication and have time to kill I’d certainly recommend a quest such as this to focus your viewing and perhaps take you out of your usual comfort zone of choices. ‘Watchmen’ isn’t the best film on the list and I enjoyed it less than I anticipated I would when this quest was started all those months ago. Still, it’s about the journey not the arrival. Well the journey and a shit load of pick and mix!

Best Bit : Dan gets fired up
'W' Score 17/23

No.95 : What’s Up, Doc? (1972)

 What's Up Doc? at the IMDb

Barbara Streisand stars as Judy Maxwell in this screwball comedy, come farce set in San Francisco. The film opens with Ryan O’Neil and his fiancée arriving at the airport prior to their nuptials. We know he’s a nerd as he wears glasses but to hammer the point home he’s also a geologist who is carrying a tartan bag full of rocks in the hope of securing a grant for his research. Elsewhere a man with an identical bag checks the contents - a load of files marked ‘Top Secret’. He has worries of his own as he’s being followed by a mysterious man.

As Ryan checks into the hotel we overhear a rich lady checking her own tartan bag in at reception - this one is full of jewels and to complete the quartet another tartan bag full of knickers is thrown into the mix. With all these tartan bags floating around I hope they don’t all get mixed up with funny consequences! Of course they do, but first Ryan has to bump into Barbara which he duly does in the hotels chemist when she delivers the titular line as her greeting.

For reasons not immediately clear the fast talking Barbara takes a shine to Ryan and make his head spin with her double talk and riddles. With the cast now all introduced it’s time for the bags to get mixed up and for various unfortunate coincidences to unfold. With Ryan’s grant at stake as well as his engagement he has to fend off the annoying Barbara as well as thieves and spies galore.

Once the mix is in the open the various keepers and desirers of the bag engage on a long chase through the streets of San Francisco by car, foot and bicycle with love, diamonds and national security at risk. Who will end up with who and what bag will each of them end up with? Can the judge sort out the whole mess and get the starring pair together for the credits? Yeah, probably.

Although extremely contrived this is a hard film to dislike and there are several nods to camera that indicate that the skewed reality is no oversight. I’m not usually a fan of farce and there are plenty of occasions where a timely explanation would save a whole heap of trouble, but clearly that’d be less fun.

The first hour is basically a preamble to the memorable chase sequence which has a few cracking stunts and some vintage slapstick moments such as the men trying to get a plate of glass across street while cars fly back and forth. The secondary characters are great value with Ryan’s grant rival good fun as is his frumpy fiancées, played by Madeline Khan who was a whole lot sexier in ‘Blazing Saddles’.

The two leads are pretty good although the fast talking Streisand in her Jewish Princess mode would be a major annoyance after a few minutes of her company. O’Neil does well as the stuffed shirt Howard who comes out of his shell as the film progresses.

The plot as it is, is simply a series of misunderstandings but enough fun and action is heaped upon it that you forget how sleight it is. Not a bone fide classic but certainly as good as a screwball comedy as you could hope for.

Best Bit : Smashing Scene With Glass

‘W’ Score : 17/23