No.276 : Willed to Kill (2012)

Willed to Kill at the IMDb

Let’s up the ante now with this TV movie from 2013 - you get great pickings on the Sony Movie Channel!

Canada doubles for Boston in this 2013 whoisit thriller starring Sarah Jane Morris and a load of other folk you haven’t heard of but maybe vaguely recognise from other low rent offerings.

Sarah Jane is ‘Karyn’ and unfeasibly attractive homicide detective with more baggage than the carousel at Glasgow airport. Her Dad was a serial killer and that makes her really focused on catching serial killers. Can’t beat that for motivation. We open with her blowing one away in the midst of his manikin dinner party - she might have waited for the After Eights to be served. This his her third kill and technically makes her a serial killer. Her boss, who is a terrible actor, tells her to calm down, she’s got 24 hours, no place for mavericks on his force - the full cliché bargain bucket.

Karyn is concerned that two recent murders bear the hallmarks of ’The Hades Killer’ a mass murdered who claimed nine kills in six months before disappearing. Her own father was a suspect but he was too busy killing other folk, so it wan’t him.

Karyn is labelled ‘Dirty Harriet’ by her colleagues and her slimy partner who also used to be her fiancé. She’s made to take psych sessions as a result of all her killing but the Hades bodies keep racking up - as does the list of suspects.

She runs down some leads and fights off a slime ball reporter as well as the meddling FBI. Soon we’re up to six suspects - basically the entire cast.

Who can it be? The second on my list!

This was a workable police procedural with a bog standard serial killer case worked though using the tried and tested clichés of the genre - keep him on the phone while we run a trace!

They did well to have multiple plausible suspects, with my top tip of the butch woman in the parking lot proving to be a red herring. The film’s ‘TV movie’ origins we made clear with low production values and a really tame sex scene that was over before it started and with those sticky sheets that keeps everything out of view.

The lead reminded me of that woman out of ‘Criminal Minds’ and she did well with a character arc that was all over the place - she basically ran around shooting or arresting everyone she encountered.

The subplot with the ex-boyfriend partner didn’t convince, even when he said his new girlfriend was pregnant and we get a sad music cue - still a chance!

The killer, who we usually saw in shadow, was poorly developed with his killing technique being shooting people in the head - Buffalo Bill this was not.

To be fair to the film it kept me guessing - guessing how the implausible plot and thin characters made it off the script and into production!

This was a decent afternoon filler with a glamorous lead, sex free sex scenes and a plot you could drive several buses through.

W Rating 15/23 Best Bit : Rooftop dance

No.275 : Wij (2018)

Wij at the IMDb

In our never ending search for ‘W’ films we head to Holland now . If anyone thinks this shouldn’t count, the title translates as ‘We’ - so that’s a bilingual title; but does twice the title equate to twice the fun?

I wouldn’t say the film was ‘fun’ but it was interesting and engaging and, despite lots of nudity, I was able to enjoy it.

The film is told in four parts with the events of one Summer replayed through the eyes of four different characters. We open with court proceedings and then jump into the first of the four chapters ‘Simon’. We meet the 8 main characters who are a mixed sex group of teenagers on the Dutch/Belgian border. All chapters open on ‘June 10’ and we see various events in an almost random order. Key events are portrayed differently in each, but it’s more ‘Rashoporn’ than ‘Rashomon. That’s not to say it’s all about titillation, more about young free spirits who start to get out of control.

The gang take a bike ride and after flashing some motorists they take over an abandoned caravan. Things seem quite idyllic at first but the party game of ‘can you guess what’s being shoved inside you’ gives a small clue that isn’t isn’t going to be ‘Swallows and Amazons’. Well swallows maybe…

We see that the leader of the crew, Thomas, is a psycho from the start, when he grabs a dog out being walked from his moped and drags it up the street. We also see that the gang have no shortage of money and despite Thomas being from a well off family it’s not initially clear where the cash comes from.

The uninhibited troupe soon start to up the ante with full blown motorway flashing resulting in a tragedy which they are largely dismissive of. We also learn early on that one of the girls dies in questionable circumstances and we have to guess who was responsible and whether anyone will face justice. As we enter Thomas’ segment things come to a head - prostitution, abortions and home made porn all show up - it was never like this at BB camp. As the missing pieces of the puzzle fall into place we wonder if anything can mitigate the horrible events and whether just desserts will be served to the right person.

I liked this film despite its incessantly dark tone and nihilist vibe. The cast do well with a script that demands everything from them and engages them in some pretty sordid acts. Thomas was best with his thin moustache and psychotic behaviour. The jury was out on most of the gang but events towards the end, shown from his warped perspective and reality, show that he was indeed the one to watch. The film closes with some ambiguity regarding his motivations but nothing can justify the dog.

The film wasn’t that full on in respect of nudity and sex, apart from one hardcore scene where they wore masks - I’d bet some porn stars were drafted in for that. Despite that concession the rest full engaged in some brutal abuse that was hard to watch.

‘Lost youth and innocence’ are well worn tropes and there wasn’t an explanation why everyone went along with the nefarious plans. True, there were some challenges but I guess Stockholm Syndrome and the allure of easy money are pretty strong motivations to the weak willed.

The editing was good with just enough information drip fed so that you stayed engaged and invested.

Overall a good but disconcerting watch.

Best Bit : When they were all still young and innocent! 17/23

No.173 : War of the Dead (2011)

War of the Dead at the IMDb

When the two most recognisable faces in a production are refugees from ‘The Bill’ you could be forgiven for assuming the result may not be at the high end of the quality scale. We at the ‘W’ blog would never make such an assumption, and will scrutinise each detail closely before declaring the film ‘shit‘.

Well it is. The IMDb summary suggests it was filmed in 2008 but hung about like a rotting zombie for two years before being excreted by the studio. Should they have bothered? Let’s see…

The film is set in the Second World War. We get the unsettling camera and industrial lighting that screams either disorientation or ‘we can’t afford a tripod’. A group of Russian soldiers are being led down a corridor in an underground base. There is a confusing bit of gunplay but eventually one Russian makes it to the door where he is met by some men in lab coats. Maybe they had arrived to cart the producer off in a small white van - it isn’t clear.

Anyway, they hook the Russian up to some apparatus and after a while his eyes go black, which signifies they found the contact lenses in time. We then cut to a caption - everything on a caption must be true - which states the Germans are doing experiments on Russians to stop death or something and Finnish and American soldiers are charged with having a look. It’s not clear why the Americans are involved but I’m guessing they had the uniforms and the guy from ‘The Bill’ couldn’t do a Finnish accent.

The unit makes its way towards the not so secret bunker and encounters some heavy resistance. This cuts the bill for extras drastically and we are left with half a dozen or so soldiers against the Nazi/Commie zombie army. The guys make some headway and capture a young Russian in a World war One trench set that they forgot to clear away after another, probably better, film was shot.

The Russian tells them some exposition stuff and they get to a small cottage that has a convenient big car - right in the woods too - fancy that. Anyway lots of zombified troops appear. I say lots, but it’s about 5. Luckily they don’t stay dead so they keep popping up which saves on extras and on continuity as they don’t have to worry about where the bodies should be. After a few skirmishes the guys make good use of the props budget and drive about in the big car for a while as some zombies jump on and off it. It literally travels at 5mph and one guys says ‘my granny could walk faster than this’ - quite.

Things progress slowly but after a fallen comrade reappears as a zombie and they discover the old ‘headshot’ rule the guys finally arrive at the bunker. Can they stop the source and waste the stockpile of the Nazi zombies? Will there be enough time for some noble sacrifice and heartbreaking loss? Can those same five extras get up once more before the CGI planes begin their bombing run? Of course they can!

I can safely say that you’d be hard pushed to find a worse film than ‘War of the Dead’ even in the cluttered zombie genre. Of course every cliché is carefully mined and exploited, you expect that, but this effort goes the extra mile in terms of hammy acting and stilted dialogue.

These failures can be forgiven if you get some kick ass action, but alas no - these must be the bluntest toothed zombies ever - but at least they are persistent, those uniforms must have looked like sieves by the time they were returned to the costumers.

The dreadful acting was cringeworthy stuff with the ‘American’ the worst of a terrible pile. Every face was a grimace and every line spat out like he had piles. The villains, as they were, were poor with some proto-Nemesises ripped straight off from ‘Resident Evil’ the only splash of colour. They were rubbish too - who ever heard of a super powered zombie losing a fist fight?

Even the basics like the uniforms and gun drills were shoddy- I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure you don’t fire a sub-machine gun holding the magazine, side on, gangsta style.

Anyway to split hairs is to suggest that the film may have treaded a line between piss-poor and passable but it didn’t, it was crap.

THE Tag Line - This Film is Rubbish, This Much is True  7/23

No.171 : Wichita (1955)

Wichita on IMDb

Off to the wild west now, or rather the ‘mild’ west as there’s not a drop of blood or even any cussing in this strait-laced affair.

We open as some cattle drovers settle down for the night with some beans and possibly gay sex. Their plans, whatever they may be, are interrupted when they spot a stranger on the horizon. They give him a cautious welcome and it turns out he’s Wyatt Earp. Although the aging actor playing him, Joel McCrea, is already 50 no one knows who he is - better get a move on Gramps or they’ll need to install a stair lift by the time you get to the OK Corral!

They bed down for the night and soon two drovers approach Earp’s bed - maybe his red shirt and neckerchief was a signal? but no! They're after his cash. They get hold of his fat bank roll but Earp is wise to the game and after recovering his cash he punches the miscreants out. He heads off to Wichita with his dreams of opening a hardware shop intact. The drovers lick their wounds safe in the knowledge that they’ll be in Wichita soon themselves, and may get their chance at some revenge.

Earp hits town and wins favour with the mayor as his plans don’t involve opening another bar - Kavos this ain't. He goes to the bank and is able to thwart the tamest robbery attempt you’ll ever see, with robbers who look more like Sunday School teachers than brigands. The mayor immediately offers Earp the job of Marshall but our man is determined to sell his buckets, goddarn it!

Fate naturally takes control however when the pished up drovers enter the town and start grappling with some overdressed whores and shooting off their pistols. A hooker and then, seemingly more importantly, a young boy get shot by stray bullets and the even mild mannered Earp has had enough. He grabs the Marshall’s badge and a shotgun and kicks some ass. Well he politely asks them to stop, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.

Now mad with power Earp bans all guns from the town much to the chagrin of local worthy Doc Black who hires two guns to take out this meddlesome Marshall. But D’oh! He’s only hired Earp’s own brothers and gets run out of town for his bother. While all this non-killing is going on Earp finds the time to picnic with a local lass half his age. Tragedy looms however when the evil Doc returns and shoots Earp’s girl’s mother. Earp feigns anger and sets out in pursuit. Can he bring the villains to justice and ride off into the sunset with his gal?

This is definitely a film of its time with nothing remotely offensive or even slightly troubling going on. The biggest crime is the shooting of the boy, who frankly deserved it for his terrible ‘Oh I'm shot' acting. It was so bad it was only beaten by the leg shaking wackiness of Lloyd Bridges in his big shoot out scene. The whores showed nothing and the drunken drovers are so disinterested, even after six month’s abstinence, that they’d rather go about shooting their guns than getting to grips with the painted ladies.

The script is dire with every western cliché present and correct. The baddies literally wear black hats as if we’d mistake our clean cut hero for any of those less than menacing characters. The romance aspect looked tacked on with ‘do you want to go on a picnic’ seemingly shorthand for ‘let’s get it on’. Of course a small peck is followed by asking permission to be married - remember that kids!

The action scenes were dreadful with our man never missing a shot and the bad guys only chalking up one whore’s arm and a 5 year old in return for 10,000 rounds fired.

Of course the film was made for more innocent times, and no doubt some people gasped when the villain twirled his moustache, but nowadays it just looks like a funny throwback to a more naive and gentle period when the good guys won and the bad guys got their just desserts.

Best Bit : "The boy’s name was Michael Jackson - he was 5 years old" - Ow!

W Score 11/23

No.169 : Werewolf : The Beast Among Us (2012)

Werewolf : The Beast Among Us on IMDb

Another ‘DVD Premiere’ bit of crap now as the ‘W Movie’ quest once again braves these films, so you don’t have to.

This effort is set in a steam punk version of 19th century eastern Europe. We open with a remote shack occupied by an excitable family. Pop locks all the doors and refuses to open even when a scantily clad lady appears. That’s how he rolls then. His caution is well founded as she turns into a crappy CGI werewolf and starts to work on his poorly pointed roof.

Dad gives his son a wolf amulet before the beast gets in and makes mincemeat of Mom and Pop. The boy offers the amulet up and the wolf stops dead - fatal mistake - as this is the only rural shack with a rope hung chandelier. The boy escapes as the wolf fries and we hope all will be well and over soon. Fat chance!

We flash forward and the boy, identified by the amulet, is a grown man with a swashbuckling dress sense and a posse of heavily armed compadres. They tour about the towns eliminating their wolf issues for a fee. His henchmen are a seemingly colourful bunch but are in fact anonymous ass-holes with gimmicks like flamethrowers and eye patches. Our hero’s main pal is a Hugh Jackman wannabe who thinks he is dashing with his waistcoat full of knives, but in reality is the biggest tit in the production; which is some going.

They arrive in a wolf plagued town and try to suss out who is doing all the killing of mainly hookers and tramps - did they think to investigate the local conservative party? After some laughable misfires, including one where an epileptic condemns a room of men to death when he has a fit, the most obvious suspect is identified.

Can our heroes stop the bloodshed or will the vested interests within the town threaten their plans? Can the CGI get any worse and will it match the dreadful dialogue and shocking acting? Rest easy dear reader, all these and less will arrive in buckets.

This film is so terrible you’d think they set out to do a ‘it’s so bad it’s funny’ production but it’s played straight and straight to video it went.

A werewolf film will always hang on its transformation scenes and these are the worst I’ve seen. At least when it’s a mask and gloves you can understand the budget limitations but here you have a cartoon wolf that isn’t even anatomically correct, prancing about as the locals feign terror. They had one decent set up when the suspect was strung up as the full moon appeared - great opportunity to profile some kick ass special effects you may think? No chance, he turns into a Day 1 of remedial CGI school reject blob and bounds off as the villagers stand back - no doubt in abject embarrassment.

The actors are dreadful from the hammy and charmless Hugh Jackman look-not-a-like to poor old Stephen Rea who really needs a harsh word with his agent. As the diabolical ‘Doc’ he is about as convincing as the wolf, although he is signalling ‘I’m doing for the cash’ throughout. We also get Nia Peebles last seen in ‘Blues Brothers 2000’, who for some reason is wearing a flamenco dress, even to the wolf hanging.

The plot, as it is, is predictable and dull and there are no surprises whatsoever - apart from me seeing it through to the end that is. As you’d probably have gathered I didn’t enjoy this at all and the ‘W Movie Blog’ hereby announces a moratorium on all straight to DVD efforts, especially those involving werewolves.

THE Tag Line - Lacks Bite - Along With Everything Else 3/23

No. 158 : Witchboard (1986)

Witchboard at the IMDb

Next up is ‘Witchboard’ a film you may have seen gathering dust on your video shop shelf unaware that it’s actually spawned a few sequels, none of which will darken the door of the ‘W’ Movies Quest. That’s not to say the original is terrible but it’s far fetched premise wears thin half way through this one so gawd knows what part four is offering.

The film should in fact be called ‘Ouijaboard’ as it has nothing to do with witches and everything to do with that staple of teenage parties where everyone has heard of but never seen flying wine glasses and shit. Shit is the worst of course, terrible stains.

Anyway, the film opens with a party for some douche bag 30 somethings with a bit of tension in the air between two men who used to be friends but now are bitter rivals after falling out over Tawny Kitaen - perfectly understandable. One chap with blow dried hair is a total tit and goes to parties armed with a ouija board as a way to get chicks or get out of dancing, it isn’t really explained. He goes into some tale about a dead boy named David whom he has regular chats, presumably when Mother Palm and her five daughters are all tired out.

He summons the spirit and after a few questions the sprite gets understandably bored and causes a bit of damage before disappearing - wish I’d thought of that one post 1985 party! We hope that’s it, but of course it isn’t and the bad boy David starts a murderous rampage that sees a few deaths, a possession and a killer shower.

After ouijaing him back to stop his pocket money our hero is shocked to learn that David isn’t the bad spirit and the true demon is some serial killer dude who lived in their house before. With him using Tawny as a portal the now reunited friends set off to save the day; but their conclusions may be as rubbish as their friendly sprite’s spelling.

This is an easy film to pick nits with what with its terrible acting and dreadful dialogue but I actually quite enjoyed it. It wasn’t played entirely straight with a few wacky characters such as Zarabeth the medium thrown in for a few laughs and a quick despatch. The script is truly awful however with some of the most preposterous lines you’ll ever hear spoken with a straight face.

It doesn’t help that the lead is a poor man’s David Cassidy but to his credit he maintains his douchey character throughout. His pal, the failed and bitter doctor, is little better but at least he is the one voice of reason, joining every viewer in a chorus of ‘what a load of rubbish’ every time a daft utterance is made.

The possession angle was reasonable well played out with a couple of minor surprises thrown in to keep you guessing. The denouement where the titular board takes a few slugs underlines the tongue in cheek aspects of the film as does the closing shot that basically confirms the sequel is shooting straight after lunch.

Overall the film is a decent ride with a heady mix of murder, the supernatural and a friendly demonic shower that send our favourite cast member running for her towel. By no means great but at least it won’t leave you board. Ja?

Best Bit : Ooh that’s a bit hot
‘W’ Rating : 15/23

No.48 : We Dive At Dawn (1943)

We Dive at Dawn at the IMDb

John Mills stars as the captain of the submarine ‘Sea Tiger’ whose perilous mission is to sink the German’s new battleship ‘Brandenburg’ before it becomes fully functional.

The first half of this film is all about introducing the crew, who are returning from an uneventful tour of duty. Most of the crew have seven day passes and set off for their various assignations and problems. Captain Mills has an armful of lovelies on the go and a servant to arrange his appointments, whereas the other crewmen have to make do with an estranged wife and a bag of chips.


Their fun is cut short when they are recalled to duty with an urgent mission to locate and sink the enemy’s prize asset a super destroyer, obviously styled on the real life Bismarck. The crew capture a downed German aircrew and learn that their quarry may already be out of reach and in the Baltic Sea. Undeterred our heroes go beyond the sub’s range to engage the ship and its escorts. They get their torpedoes in the water but are soon hunted down in a fashion familiar to anyone who’s ever seen a submarine film.

After a narrow escape the Captain readies the crew to surrender, as they’re out of fuel but one troubled seaman may have a chance at redemption with a daring plan to raid a German held Danish supply depot.


I really enjoyed this film, with it’s cast of salty sea dogs and thrilling action sequences. To be fair most of the ship and depth charge shots were stock footage but what do you expect - there was a war on! Given the time of filming it’s a credit to the production that the captured Germans were shown fairly and not as the monsters the propaganda department may have wanted.

The plot kept me guessing and the rousing raid on the base was edge of the seat stuff. It’s true that all the favourite submarine movie standards were trotted out such as the silent running and the jettisoning of debris to fool the enemy, but it’s films like this that came up with the in the first place.


The camaraderie of the group was well done with the practical jokes and minor disputes set aside when team work was needed. The final revelation may have tided things up somewhat conveniently , but I’d have been disappointed by any other ending. Seeing as clichés have been granted a seven day pass of their own I’ll say ‘We Dive At Dawn’ is gripping ‘Boys’ Own’ stuff.

Best Bit : Danish Harbour Raid

‘W’ Score : 18/23

No.40 : Walking Tall (2004)

Walking Tall at the IMDb

The Rock comes home to his town and finds it a crap hole. He cleans house. Er. That’s it.

Well I never thought ‘Walking Tall’ would be plot heavy and I certainly wasn’t disappointed. It was quite good fun though, and at 73 minutes you could watch it while making love to a beautiful woman and still have an hour to fill.

The Rock is an ex-special forces man and heads home after 8 years away. The town looks perfectly nice but we know it’s a stink hole when he walks past a pawn brokers and a dirty book shop. He has a belligerent Dad who doesn’t like guns (remember that for later kids!) and a nephew who is about to go off the tracks.


He meets up with his pal Johnny Knoxville, who has a record and sleazy acquaintance Neil McDonough who inherited the good old mill only to close it and build a casino instead. Sounds like a solid business plan but The Rock doesn’t agree, possibly due to a lacklustre lap dance they give him. After getting conned at dice he wrecks the joint but is carved up by some baddies who bushwhack him - didn’t he learn anything in the WWF?

After his nephew nearly overdoses on casino brand drugs The Rock heads over and beats the crap out of everyone. Unsurprisingly he gets charged but in an OJ style verdict he not only gets off but elected sheriff too! When he goes after the casino boys they take umbrage and try to kill him, his family and his now girlfriend lap dancer. After some carnage the final showdown is arranged at the Old Mill which is now the Old Crack factory. Can our man win the day? Or will the baddies triumph with the aid of dirty tricks and a folding chair?

It’s hard to criticise ‘Walking Tall’ as it does what it says on the tin. Yeah, the shades of black and white are absolute and the violence ridiculous but it’s good snappy fun with a likeable cast of heroes and villains. Why the bad guy wants to run a rigged casino when he has a guaranteed money making machine anyway is anyone’s guess, but if it was me I’d let the guy try and roll a six - you’ll be ahead more often than not. The love interest was pretty forgettable but give her her dues, she looked fine shooting guns in her red bra.

The conclusion was a bit too pat for my liking with no real casualties on the good guys side and a wealth of lawsuits, no doubt lined up by the baddies’ many orphans. It’s a lot of old cobblers but at just over an hour it’s a fun load of old cobblers that you won’t regret having watched. Unless you’re one of those ‘I like quality films’ people, then you’d be disappointed.

Best Bit :Get me my plank!

‘W’ Score 15/23

No.33 : Working Girl (1988)

Working Girl at the IMDb

‘Working Girl’ is an 1988 chick flick in which all men are sexist buffoons and the women are sassy and undervalued - or complete bitches. That said, it’s decent enough entertainment if you can stomach the girl power message.

Melanie Griffith plays a downtrodden secretary who despite having more smarts that the rest of the office combined, fails to rise above her station. After rebuffing a chance to progress with a strangely hairy and heterosexual Kevin Spacey, she finds a new job as Sigourney Weaver’s assistant. At first the new boss is nice enough but when our girl rakes through her personal papers she finds that a business idea she had is being passed off as Sigourney’s own. Luckily the boss breaks her leg and is out of action, so our girl masquerades as a high flyer and attempts to broker the deal herself.

She enlists a bumbling Harrison Ford to help out and, of course, falls in love with him. Unfortunately Harrison is Sigourney’s boyfriend, a reveal that is so obvious to call it a twist would be a disservice to twists, wrong foots and gimmicks. When Sigourney comes home she uncovers Melanie’s many duplicities and tries to get back both her man and deal. Things come to a head in a boardroom showdown, with the outcome rarely in question.

I quite liked this film but I’m sure most woman watching would love it and be shouting ‘Go girl’ at regular intervals. Her downtrodden position with a cheating husband gave her a great platform to spring from, but if she’s so smart how did she end up there in the first place? Her character was too whiny and sneaky for my liking and although she was set up as a brave chance taker, she came over as a reckless and conniving chancer.

Her massive 80s hair looked mental but when she wandered about in her suspenders it was less of an issue. Joan Cusack provided her usual support as the grating pal and Alec Baldwin started a long career of specialising in sleazebags. The big business man they were trying to impress was unbelievably affable towards all the scheming and I think Sigourney’s character was hard done to. Harrison Ford just doesn't do romantic and his ‘I love yous‘ were as emotional as flushing the toilet.

The message of forget the system steal your bosses ideas and man will clearly inspire some people but alas only to a career in jail or the morgue. The film was a decent distraction and a funny time capsule to the 1980s, but there were no laughs and one too many annoying women and inspirational speeches for my full enjoyment.

Best Bit : Melanie does the vacuuming

‘W’ Score : 14/23

No.20 : Wanted : Dead Or Alive (1986)

Wanted : Dead or Alive at the IMDb

I thought I had fond memories of this 1986 Rutger Hauer action flick, but after a minute I realised that I’d confused it with the vastly superior ‘Night Hawks’. In ‘Night Hawks’ Hauer played the baddie terrorist being chase by Sylvester Stallone, in this he is the good guy chasing Gene Simmons out of Kiss. You do the math!

With only the lead character’s surname and profession retained from the western TV series of the same name which starred Steve McQueen, it beggars belief why they bought the rights. Well maybe they had them anyway, if so it’s a real waste of a decent premise. Rutger Hauer plays a cool bounty hunter who can take down red necks in bars as easy as pie. Things hot up when for no given reason, apart from being the baddies, a group of “rag heads” blow up a cinema showing ‘Rambo ‘ - merciful release you might say.

Rather than use the considerable resources of the LAPD and FBI Benson chooses to hire Rutger to save the day. Unbeknownst to Benson and Rutger the pen pushers at the office have set our man up to bait a trap that he narrowly escapes. After wasting a load of time following Rutger about, we enter endgame when the terrorists blow up his boat containing his girlfriend and best friend who was sent there as a decoy.

With only a call needed to get the terrorists’ address, Rutger is on the case and hopefully in time to stop a chemical plant attack and any more bad acting from Gene Simmons. After some laughable beat downs which include sliding a man in a wardrobe down some stairs, Rutger gets the plans and is at last on his way to the inevitable showdown.

This was a really dreadful 107 minutes. I like Rutger Hauer but as this movie proved he’s aces as a baddie and a charisma bypass as a hero. His ‘witty’ one liners are so obviously scripted that they might as well had the cue cards up on screen. The action sequences were pretty poor and the whole thing had a TV movie look about it.

Far too much of the film was spent on squabbles within the police department with precious little shown of the terrorist plot. Although this had the blessing of reducing Gene Simmons’ screen time it did look daft as the final act was shoe horned into the last ten minutes of an otherwise bloated run time.

I had no empathy at all for Rutger’s character and his emotional turmoil at the responsibility of killing the two people closest to him lasted about three frames.

You could argue in the current climate the film is as relevant now as ever but until we see gangs of Arabs running around shooting AK47’s in downtown LA I think it can stay shelved. Sadly the real terrorists have much more imagination than the writers of this cliché ridden, action free drivel.

Best Bit : “Fuck the bonus!”
‘W’ Score : 12/23

No.14 : Welcome To Sarajevo (1997)

Welcome to Sarajevo at the IMDb

Welcome to Sarajevo is a drama documentary shot shortly after the end of the Bosnian/Serb war of the early 1990’s. The film poster I’ve used has the funny tag line “To get the story they’ll risk everything” which no doubt led to some disappointment in people expecting an action thriller.

The film follows a troupe of journalists who are following the war which is becoming more brutal by the day. After visiting an orphanage a British journalist risks everything by smuggling out a young Bosnian girl who otherwise would have died. Once he has her back in England the fight goes on to keep her there and to convince her mother that this is the best course for the girl.

I found the film very hard hitting and in many places it made for uncomfortable viewing. Scenes of actual news footage were used with reaction shots of the cast cut in. A cynic may say this is a cheap way to make a movie but the reality is all the more brutal when you know those are real dead bodies and starving people.

The sense of danger in the city was evident throughout and the total inhumanity on show was shocking. One scene showing the aftermath of a mortar attack was particularly horrible with missing limbs and faces the order of the day. It would be easy for a film of this to get preachy but instead it lets the viewer draw their own unmistakable conclusions.

Although it was based on ITN reporter Michael Nicholson’s own experiences the lead character had a different name, presumably so that other aspects could be brought in. I did think the focus on the orphanage and adoption elements drew us away from the bigger picture but a film encompassing all that was going on would last for many months. The cast was pretty good and there were plenty of recognizable faces. Woody Harrelson and Marisa Tomei had pretty small and forgettable parts, but no doubt their participation will draw a bigger audience.

The ending offered a ray of hope, but the general feeling was one of horror and desperation. Not entertainment as you know it but compelling and required viewing.

Best Bit : The tension packed scene when the Serbs board the rescue bus.

‘W’ Rating 20/23