No.339 : Wildling (2018)

 

Wildling at the IMDb

Here’s a film that flirts with a few genres but ultimately is a bit unsatisfying and undefined.

Tiny tot Anna lives in a cabin in the woods. ‘Daddy’ brings her food but she’s not allowed to leave lest ‘the wildlings’ get her. They are described as children eating savages and Anna has to make do with peeking out her window throughout her childhood. As she enters puberty and has her first period ‘Daddy’ starts to give her injections that make her sick. Eventually she begs to be allowed to go to ‘the better place’ and ‘Daddy brings in his gun. He’s not up to the task and decides to shoot his own head off instead.

The now teen Anna is discovered and coaxed back to civilisation by Liv Tyler’s policewoman character, who’s more of a social worker than a cop. Strangely the social services let Liv take Anna home where she meets Liv’s brother, Ray.

The film then shifts from what appeared to be a kidnap and abuse story to one of someone trying to integrate into society having never experienced it before - a bit like ‘Encino Man’. We get the usual bitchy girls and school bullies and soon Anna blossoms and goes to a cool party with Ray where she gets a bit of kissy face - but wait! Her teeth start falling out and when she runs off to the woods she rips the throat out of a would be rapist.

It’s soon clear that we are in the realms of the supernatural with Anna being one of the wildlings that she was once taught to fear. As she slowly transforms she has to deal with hunters, her admirer and ‘Daddy’ who it turns out is as good at suicide as he was at parenting.

I liked the first hour of this film but it lost it’s way in a haze of ropey CGI effects and confused character development. It reminded me of the TV show ‘Grimm’ with supernatural goings on running parallel with everyday life. The town has a man with a wolf’s head hat walking about with no issues as well as a well armed posse of wildling hunters who seem to have a free rein to shoot up and burn anything they like. No wonder as sheriff Liv Tyler is as effective as an umbrella in a hurricane.

Bel Powley was pretty good in the main role of Anna, with her bulbous eyes and bewildered looks selling the character’s introduction into the real world. She was let down with the transformation effects which gave her a hairy back and a bad manicure. Later on she went full wolf, and it looked more animated than Wile E Coyote.

There were probably three films boiled into one here, with the first of the locked up girl being the most interesting although somewhat reminiscent of ‘Room’. Later on the high school element was a bit overly familiar with the transformation and hunt portion being faintly daft.

All in all it was a decent and entertaining offering with a few wrong foots sprinkled about to keep you guessing.

Best Bit : Opening 20 minutes ‘W’ Rating 14/23

No.251 : Wer (2013)

Wer at the IMDb

I went into this film knowing nothing about it which turned out to be a good choice as there were plenty of surprises and wrong foots to keep me entertained. In retrospect the title is a bit of a clue but if you want to avoid spoilers read this after you’ve seen the film and we can compare notes.

The opening of the film isn’t too promising as it looks like it’s going to be another of those crappy found footage offerings. We see a young family of three enjoying a camp out in the French countryside. Happily two of them are grabbed by an unseen menace meaning we get to the film proper with the shaky camcorder consigned to the bin.

The narrative is driven along by the usual cavalcade of rolling news clips and we learn that a French local has been arrested for the crime. This hairy brute of a man seems a fair choice as he’s most hirsute  and doesn’t say much. The case however attracts the attention of an American lady lawyer who looks to defend the suspect and get to the bottom of the killings which now number three as Mom didn’t make it.

She butts heads with the French detective in charge of the case and conducts her own investigations which suggest that the authorities may have a vested interest in chasing the suspect off his land which is a prime location for a proposed nuclear waste dump, that the locals seem strangely keen on.

Things look good for the suspect when tests show he may have a crippling disease that would preclude him from any late night murdering and dismembering frenzies. He also looks to be off the hook when a fragging great grizzly bear is found in the countryside despite them being extinct in Europe for a century. The strobe test goes ahead however to determine if our man has the rare disease - huge mistake. He breaks his bounds and kills a load of people before escaping.

The lady lawyer, who is now starting to doubt her early protestations of our man’s innocence, resolves to try and track him down. Meanwhile her assistant has a worrying wound that’s growing by the day…

I really liked this film and am surprised that it isn’t better known. It’s largely shot in a manner similar to ‘Rec’ with a lot a steady cam work and running about in an almost drama documentary style. The pace is relentless and I like how it flipped from a straightforward detective story to a full on monster picture about half way through.

The violence was extreme with jaws pulled off and body parts scattered with abandon throughout. Some of the dialogue was subtitled which was fine for me but I know some people dislike it. I think the French setting was appropriate however with legends and ‘the old ways’ seeming more believable - unlike the bear which seemed totally out of place and was left unexplained.

There were a few too many cheap scares or my liking with all sorts of stuff jumping out like birds, bats and even a pig to give you an unearned jump.

They danced about the werewolf legend for almost all the film with diseases and reactions to the moon being full used in place of calling a wolfman a wolfman. This was OK and added to the film’s modern take on an aged and clichéd genre.

If you like a lot of gruesome violence and dislike the French this could well be the film for you as the body count must be in the dozens. I liked its reinvention of the genre and its fast paced and inventive script. Definitely one to look out for.

Best Bit : Jaw Dropping!
‘W’ Rating 19/23

No.220 - Wolfcop (2014)

Wolfcop at the IMDb

I wasn't expecting much from ‘Wolfcop’ and in that regard at least I wasn't disappointed.

It certainly does what it says on the tin in that it has a cop who is also a wolf - what surprised me was that the cop/wolf actually kept up with its law enforcement duties. Can’t fault the commitment to the job there, Officer.

Our hero is Lou, played with scuzzy understatement by Leo Fafard, who is an under-performing policeman in a small town. He’s an alcoholic and ignores various small crimes such as vandalism as he makes his way to the police station. He has his boss on his back but has an able co-worker in Tina, who wins the employee of the month prize every time.

The towns is in the midst of a mayoral election and the annual ‘Hunt and Drink’ day is coming up. Lou does as little work as possible and spends his day getting drunk with a barmaid and his loser pal. Things change however when he wakes up with a pentangle carved into his chest and he is unable to shave due to immediate hair regrowth. He scratches his hairy chin and remembers flashes of creeps in monk habits carving the pentangle on him whilst another chap is scarified.

We soon learn that the victim is a candidate for mayor giving the incumbent no challengers to returning to the office and the excuse to cancel the Hunt and Drink day which coincides with a solar eclipse which strangely happenes every 32 years. Lou does some research and learns that by having a sacrifice a group of shape shifters can regenerate for another 32 years if they drink the blood of a werewolf during the eclipse. You can't argue with science like that!

Lou confides in his friend who locks him in a cell to witness the transformation and unusually Lou, despite a wolfy appearance, decides to put on his uniform and modify his police car before going on patrol. As the full moon  and eclipse move closer Lou has to keep a watch on who are his friends and who are the shape shifters. Can the curse be broken and will Lou find redemption after years of mourning his dead father?

This is a strange sort of film - It doesn't take itself seriously and there is a lot of gore but it is also played for laughs as well as drama. Just when you think it’s going down a familiar path Lou gets out his angle grinder in full werewolf mode and starts to customise his patrol car with big ‘W’s - possibly in tribute to this blog, it isn't clear.

The shifts in tone are a bit jarring but if you are watching a film called ‘Wolfcop’ you can hardly complain. The special effects were half decent with plenty of glycerine used for the transformation scene. There are also a couple of gruesome deaths and I especially likes a skull revealing ‘face off’ moment.

At a trim 79 minutes the film doesn't outstay its welcome but by the same measure you aren't baying for more. The thin plot played out satisfactorily and the cast mostly did well with some preposterous dialogue. The exception would be the bad guy leader who had a tear tattoo and no menace whatsoever.

I'm not inclined to hunt down the sequel promised in the credits but there are worse ways of spending an hour or so on Netflix.

Best Bit : face off in the corner
‘W’ Score 15/23

No.169 : Werewolf : The Beast Among Us (2012)

Werewolf : The Beast Among Us on IMDb

Another ‘DVD Premiere’ bit of crap now as the ‘W Movie’ quest once again braves these films, so you don’t have to.

This effort is set in a steam punk version of 19th century eastern Europe. We open with a remote shack occupied by an excitable family. Pop locks all the doors and refuses to open even when a scantily clad lady appears. That’s how he rolls then. His caution is well founded as she turns into a crappy CGI werewolf and starts to work on his poorly pointed roof.

Dad gives his son a wolf amulet before the beast gets in and makes mincemeat of Mom and Pop. The boy offers the amulet up and the wolf stops dead - fatal mistake - as this is the only rural shack with a rope hung chandelier. The boy escapes as the wolf fries and we hope all will be well and over soon. Fat chance!

We flash forward and the boy, identified by the amulet, is a grown man with a swashbuckling dress sense and a posse of heavily armed compadres. They tour about the towns eliminating their wolf issues for a fee. His henchmen are a seemingly colourful bunch but are in fact anonymous ass-holes with gimmicks like flamethrowers and eye patches. Our hero’s main pal is a Hugh Jackman wannabe who thinks he is dashing with his waistcoat full of knives, but in reality is the biggest tit in the production; which is some going.

They arrive in a wolf plagued town and try to suss out who is doing all the killing of mainly hookers and tramps - did they think to investigate the local conservative party? After some laughable misfires, including one where an epileptic condemns a room of men to death when he has a fit, the most obvious suspect is identified.

Can our heroes stop the bloodshed or will the vested interests within the town threaten their plans? Can the CGI get any worse and will it match the dreadful dialogue and shocking acting? Rest easy dear reader, all these and less will arrive in buckets.

This film is so terrible you’d think they set out to do a ‘it’s so bad it’s funny’ production but it’s played straight and straight to video it went.

A werewolf film will always hang on its transformation scenes and these are the worst I’ve seen. At least when it’s a mask and gloves you can understand the budget limitations but here you have a cartoon wolf that isn’t even anatomically correct, prancing about as the locals feign terror. They had one decent set up when the suspect was strung up as the full moon appeared - great opportunity to profile some kick ass special effects you may think? No chance, he turns into a Day 1 of remedial CGI school reject blob and bounds off as the villagers stand back - no doubt in abject embarrassment.

The actors are dreadful from the hammy and charmless Hugh Jackman look-not-a-like to poor old Stephen Rea who really needs a harsh word with his agent. As the diabolical ‘Doc’ he is about as convincing as the wolf, although he is signalling ‘I’m doing for the cash’ throughout. We also get Nia Peebles last seen in ‘Blues Brothers 2000’, who for some reason is wearing a flamenco dress, even to the wolf hanging.

The plot, as it is, is predictable and dull and there are no surprises whatsoever - apart from me seeing it through to the end that is. As you’d probably have gathered I didn’t enjoy this at all and the ‘W Movie Blog’ hereby announces a moratorium on all straight to DVD efforts, especially those involving werewolves.

THE Tag Line - Lacks Bite - Along With Everything Else 3/23

No. 149 : War Wolves (2009)

War Wolves at the IMDb

We’ve seen a few werewolf films recently here at the ‘W’ Movies Quest but none have been as bad as ‘War Wolves’. The first clue of its crappy quality is the (TV) after its title on the IMDb. This of course means it’s a television movie, or at least that’s where it premièred after all the distributors no doubt chose to pass. Frankly I’d agree and would say that passing water over this effort would be too praise it to highly.

The film opens with some soldiers having some R&R while abroad on duty. For no obvious reason we get a full five minutes of the touch football games which involves a strange unit that has both men and foxy chicks. Later while out on patrol the group is caught under fire and eventually decimated by some locals wearing toy store fangs.

We skip six months later and one of the survivors is working in a store. He keeps getting flashbacks to the wolf related incident and we’re pretty sure that he has been infected. Meanwhile the oldest two mercenaries in town are on the trail of three ladies who also exhibit symptoms of cheap transformation effects. Our man is met by another who gives him training in his new powers while the ladies are looking for him to join their group. When he’s cornered at a motel by the mercenaries he has to choose whether to stay or leave with the ladies in a ZZ Top style exit.

This is a strange film to categorise. Although it’s unintentionally funny it isn't a comedy but there isn't enough gore to merit calling it a horror. There is not enough characterisation to call it a drama and it’s certainly no adventure. Low budget crap fest would cover it, but sadly Blockbuster has yet to introduce that section.

The biggest laugh comes with the make up which is easily the worst I've ever seen. I know we have been accused of hyperbole before but trust me on this, you’ll never see anything poorer. Basically a ‘werewolf’ consists of 99p Dracula fangs and some green contact lenses. If you want full transformation add in some Spock ears and some boot polish for your nose. Once your actor is all dressed up have them arch their backs a bit and you're all set. It really is laughably awful and how the actors kept a straight face is beyond me.

The plot is all over the place too with an alcoholics anonymous storyline running parallel with the wolfie one. I think the director was trying to show how both curses can be damaging but are conquerable but it just came across as a load of preachy guff.

In mitigation you do get John Saxon for your money but he looks about 70 and daft as a mercenary. At one point some one throws him a shotgun and it looks like he’s about to fall over. The three female wolves are all very pretty but very shy, in a genre known for a bit of spice. No messy transformations for them of course just the occasional howl to disguise the crappy effects and hole filled script.

You’ll probably have trouble tracking this one down unless you find it on the Sci-fi Channel late at night, so just be grateful for that small mercy!

Best Bit : Hay loft tussle
‘W’ Rating : 1/23

No. 144 : Werewolf the Devil’s Hound (2007)

Werewolf The Devil's Hound at the IMDb

When you undertake a worthy quest like watching over 100 movies that start with a ‘W’ you inevitably see a lot of wolf and wolf-men based pictures. The standard of these vary considerably and quite often the pass/fail tightrope is judged by the creature effects and the deviations from the standard template.

This film is by no means a masterpiece but at least it attempted to do something a teensy bit different with a tired old genre. That’s not to say it doesn’t have its flaws but, as with a lot of cheapo horror flicks, the restrained budget can be half the fun.

The film opens “in the near future” - why, I have no idea as it looks exactly like today. The opening scene is in ‘Germany’, although I suspect it’s the director’s back yard, and three men with night vision goggles are on a hunt. A familiar lupine howl is heard before one gets a really sore throat from a beast that looks a lot like Chewbacca’s albino cousin. Another man manages to tranquillise it and stick it in a big box reminiscent of the one in that ‘Creepshow’ film. I doubt this was a homage though but simply the box they had. After making a vague comment in fractured English about transformations he sends the box off to an unspecified destination.

Meanwhile in the States a man is awaiting a delivery of some big boxes of fireworks for his pyrotechnics business. When too many appear he thinks he’s getting a good deal but that extra box looks a bit familiar! Predictably the beast is soon on the loose and bites the hand of Kevin who thinks it’s his neighbours dog. Obviously he has never done a ‘W’ movie quest as the wolfie symptoms of acute senses and a feeling of invigoration completely fail to warn him of the wolf man curse that now flows through his veins. Elsewhere the hungry beast is racking up the victims with a lazy fire officer and a lady the first snacks.

The middle third of the film is a bit slow as our man slowly realises that he is becoming a werewolf which causing obvious ructions with his wife, especially when he hooks up with the werewolf, who is a foxy chick in her day clothes. It is worth sticking with the film though as the last half hour is totally nuts with all sorts of weirdness going on. I liked the werewolf fighting the robots which the company had in stock and when the Germans appear for the finale any sense of realism goes out the window. Things pan out as you’d expect, if you expected aliens and explosions.

The actors were uniformly awful and I’d be surprised if there was one trained thespian among their number. Especially bad was the nerdy intern who at least offered one laugh when he arrived with some Sellotape to help secure the door which was being attacked by wolfie. The lead did a poor job of conveying his angst and surprise at being a werewolf, as was his dad who didn’t seem fazed in the slightest.

Although this film seems to have a budget in the hundreds rather than the thousands I did quite enjoy it, especially its quirky touches like an impromptu animation to explain a small plot point. I also liked some of the direction which made the most or rather the least from the wolf suit (that looked more like a yeti than a wolf man) - disguising it by only showing it during gun shot flashes was a decent way of not ruining the illusion.

Sometimes the director goes a bit far, with the arty shots coming thick and fast like he’s running through his film school idiot’s guide on speed. The film enjoys a meagre score of 3/10 on IMDb and that seems harsh when you consider some of the crap that gets a mighty 4/10. I’d say half marks for a good honest effort which doesn’t take itself too seriously would be fair. The film does end with an ominous ‘The End?’ - let’s leave it there chaps even our low limits can be tested!

Best Bit : Nerd loses his head
‘W’ Rating 13/23