No.297 : Wingman Inc. (2015)

Wingman Inc. at the IMDb

The battle of the sexes is explored, or at least brushed over in this lacklustre, alleged comedy.

For some reason the titles have photos of the cast as children which then morph into their current, non-recognisable personas. Our hero Bobby is a dog psychiatrist which involves him talking to a dog on his sofa. He gets a call from his landlord seeking his rent and he announces to no one that he has loads of debts. He does have prospects however, in the shape of a night out with his friends and his plan to propose to his long term girlfriend.

The night out with the friends finishes early as he finds them both hook-ups, foreshadowing the rest of the film. Bobby is so nice and non-threatening he can convince women to cop off with his sleazy friends. His world falls apart however when his girlfriend rejects his proposal and leaves the restaurant with another man.

Sunk into depression we meet up with Bobby 3 months later on the sofa with his stoner flat mate. He has a comedy beard and his pals think he needs to get back out there - especially as they haven’t gotten laid in like three months. Meanwhile in reaction to sleazy men chatting up women in bars a lady has started a service designed to send men away, mainly by suggesting they have small dicks.

Bobby’s friends are happy to pay his rent if he finds them women and they convince him that setting up a Wingman business would be a better use of is time than being a doggie shrink. With two opposing businesses in view, Bobby and the lady inevitably meet when she brings her anxious dog for therapy. What will happen when they find out that they are at opposite ends of the dating spectrum and will the spark that is developing between them become something special?

This was a terrible cheap and nasty film that was well dated in its attitudes and set dressing. Clearly here was no budget at all with the ‘bar’ being a curtain, a poster and a couple of chairs. It looked like a student film in places and wasn’t helped by cack handed direction and editing.

There were no laughs at all with some of it downright offensive - women called lesbians for not falling at our mens’ feet for example. The men were all ass holes but the women were all nasty bitches too, so there was no one to root for.

The whole ‘Wingman’ premise was dubious with our hero basically being a whoremaster and pimp. The lead was as wet as an otter’s pocket and like a poor man’s Jim Halpert. I didn’t manage to spot one good performance, apart from the dog that managed to yawn on cue.

Overall this ‘comedy’ didn’t raise a smile and, as social commentary, you’d get a more balanced view from re runs of ‘The Benny Hill Show’. The ‘will they - won’t they?’ romance was plain tiresome and the ‘growth’ around emotional maturity and respecting others was just irritating.

At least the film closed with 'funny' outtakes running over the credits - Good of them to let us know that there was at least some footage not worthy of the final cut,

Best Bit - Taking the Library Books Back Late ‘W’ Rating 7/23

No.296 : Wounds (2019)

Wounds at the IMDb

I never seek out psychological horror movies as I like a bit more show than tell. A hoard of zombies running around whilst on fire is always more entertaining than someone suffering some inner torment. Still, Netflix offered this one up and rather than scroll through any more options, I thought I’d give it a go. It was actually quite good and certainly better than the 4/10 it had garnered on IMDb.

That’s not to say it’s not without its flaws, and if you asked me to nail down exactly went on, I’d be struggling. I’m sure that was the intent; have a discussion and a think about it - not everything in life arrives on a plate.

The always watchable Armie Hammer stars as a New Orleans barman who works in a rundown booze shop, complete with cockroaches and colourful customers. Naked patrons drink for free, but alas the only person taking up the offer is a massive lady who plays pool.

The bar goes from empty to manic in moments as a fight breaks out leaving one drunk local with a huge wound on his cheek. The rest of the customers clear out, including a table full of college kids. When clearing up Armie finds a phone and heads home to his partner, her out of ‘50 Shades’. He manages to crack the phone and immediately gets messages begging for help. He assumes it’s a prank but when he investigates further the next day, he finds photos of bloody murders.

He goes on his errands and looks in on the slashed customer who refuses treatment despite the wound looking infected. He also notices that he’s being tailed and when he checks the phone it turns into a big bug so he lobs it out of the window, where it’s retrieved by his stalkers. The police, understandably, can’t do much but 50 Shades is doing her own research. She gets transfixed by a big black hole on the internet (a familiar tale) and researches a book called ‘The Translation of Wounds’ that details creepy rites and portals.

The couple fall out after Armie tries it on with an old flame and accuses 50 Shades of having an affair. He tries to secure a bed at his wounded friend’s place whose cockroach problem is getting worse - but not to worry, the friend has a new phone and a present awaits!

I enjoyed the first hour of this film but it tapered off at the end as Armie started to be overtaken by his demons and the story unfolded. There was no identifiable bad guy with the college kids only being seen at the start. I get that they opened the portal and the evil within was looking for a new host, but against the grubby New Orleans background it all seemed a bit fantastical and unlikely.

The opening scenes in the bar were enjoyable with the build up to the melee well done, as each participant was introduced. Armie and his partner didn’t seem a good match and their constant bickering was a pain. I did like the feel of malaise that permeated throughout, with the odd cockroach soon growing to a full on infestation - and more.

The idea of college kids raising an evil spirit was as old as the hills but at least they changed the formula somewhat with a kind-hearted bar tender getting dragged in due to his good deed.

The end scene was disturbing and although what went on was open to interpretation, I don’t think Armie is going to make happy hour. Decent entertainment was had, but if this were a bit clearer and not so contrived I think this could have been a winner.

Best Bit : Bit of a Bug Problem ‘W’ Rating 16/23

No.295 : When the Bough Breaks (2016)

When the Bough Breaks at the IMDb

A kinda prequel to ‘The Hand That Rocks the Cradle’ now - it’s not the nanny who is a mentalist - it’s the surrogate mother.

John and Laura are a rich black couple who have it all - except a baby. They have suffered several miscarriages and are on the lookout for a surrogate. They receive a video from Anna who seems too good to be true - and of course she is.

The couple invite Anna over with her boyfriend, Juice out of ‘Sons of Anarchy, and they like her but dislike him. We know he’s a controlling asshole, who's only in it for the money. Our couple are desperate however, and are down to their last viable embryo, so they go ahead with the surrogacy.

Things start to look somewhat dubious when Anna gets beaten up by Juice and then shows up at John’s office after sending him sexy videos. She moves in and lawyer John warns Juice off, safe in the knowledge that he is due to be deployed in the Middle east and out of their hair.

John was however discharged and Anna is still seeing him and listening to his plans of fleecing our couple for as much as possible. We get a wrong foot however, when Juice checks out and Anna goes full on psycho. She has fallen for John and wants him for herself. John isn’t so keen but is mindful that Anna is carrying their baby.

Will the baby be born and who will take custody? Is Anna full on mental or just a bit hormonal?

I didn’t mind this film too much despite not having an interest in any of the themes. It was less good than similar BBC drama ‘The Nest’ but followed the same lines. Indeed, I would be surprised if ‘The Nest’ writer hadn’t researched this film before coming up with their plot.

The two principals were good as the desperate couple, although the wife was that annoying in that strong and always right way. Morris Chestnut as John was better and you could almost hear his inner turmoil as the young surrogate tried to seduce him. Less good was Omar off ‘The Wire’ who phoned in a performance as John’s fixer.

The initial villain Juice was terrible and a real pantomime bad guy, complete with ominous musical cues every time he appeared. It was a neat twist to have him exit stage left after an hour and leave Anna with all the psycho duties. I didn’t really buy her as the girl from the wrong side of the tracks, but she looked very nice in her skimpies so we’ll let that pass.

The conclusion was a bit extreme and I’d be surprised if adoption is granted in such circumstances! The film was however well made, with good pacing and enough to keep me engaged throughout.

Best Bit : Midnight swim - 'W' Rating 16/23

No.294 : Wishmaster (1997)

Wishmaster at the IMDb

‘W’ Movie royalty now as we look at the first of this franchise that spawned three sequels, all full of ‘W’ goodness. The no sequels policy remains however, so this is your only chance to have your wish of a great review realised - and dashed.

This popped up as a recommended offering on Netflix - the algorithm clearly has my number as it was exactly the kind of schlocky horror nonsense that I lap up.

We open in 12th century Persia with a voice over, and a day out for the special effects department. There is a lot of waffle about the granting of wishes and the demons that are being set free. Meanwhile someone is crafting a large opal - looks like a ruby to me. After lots of moulding and baking the jewel is revealed - already fully cut. Well it is magic. The carnage going on outside ends as the evil Djinn (basically a Genie) is trapped within the gem stone. There were a few decent kills in this sequence, and I liked the stop motion skeleton pushing its way out of a body the most.

We cut to the present day and Freddie Kruger, in the shape of a rich antiquities buyer, is awaiting the delivery of his new statue down by the docks. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it. The Irish crane operator takes a drink and when a demonic voice gives him a fright he drops the box onto Freddie’s hapless assistant. In the debris the gem stone from the last paragraph spills out and is grabbed by a longshoreman who sells it to a pawnbroker.

Everyone is taken with the stone initially, but less so when it explodes during analysis and frees the evil Wishmaster. Our heroine, Alex, has been researching the stone and catches the attention of the wish offering miscreant. For reasons that are inexplicable, apart from driving the plot, the Wishmaster can offer up single wishes to people to charge up his powers. Once he has enough of these he then needs to have his target, Alex, ask for three wishes and on granting the third he can rule the world or something. No idea who made up these rules.

We get a good half hour of the Wishmaster offering up wishes - but beware! He’s a real bastard. One lady wishes to be beautiful forever and gets turned into a mannequin whilst another asks for a million bucks before it cuts to his mother buying life insurance just before dying in a plane crash. The point is clear - be sure of your wording and don’t get suckered because this guy basically does what he likes under the pretence of granting wishes.

In his human form the Wishmaster tracks Alex to a society party - will she ask the required number of wishes? and how will she turn the tables on the bad guy, as we know she surely will?

This film was a lot of fun and didn’t take itself seriously in the slightest. The effects varied in quality from the Wishmaster’s rubber face to some pretty impressive statues that came to life. The violence was so over the top you’d do well to be scared or shocked, and it was basically played for laughs with the demonic Wishmaster offering zingers at every turn.

Some of the wordplay was well done, with the Wishmaster’s interpretations being somewhat broad - Candyman said he’d like to escape from his job and got stuck in a big tank of water Houdini style - you didn’t ask for that! - get your money back!

Tammy Lauren was a bit wooden in the lead, but to be fair her job was simply to direct us from one special effect to another. The film was produced by Wes Craven and you could see the influence of his ‘Freddie’ films throughout - dark laughs and grisly kills galore.

I doubt I’ll look up the sequels but this one was great fun and well worth a look if you like your wordplay garnished with buckets of gore.

Best Bit : Liven up this party!  ‘W’ Rating  18/23

No.293 : Where the Red Fern Grows (2003)

Where the Red Fern Grows at the IMDb

This is our fourth ‘where’ film in a row - where will it end? Right here actually, but that’s what you get for Googling one ‘W’ word for film inspiration.

This is a Disney remake of an 1974 adaptation of the classic children’s book which I’d never heard of, before now. It had the mildest peril on record but was enjoyable family fun with just a hint of Christian values creeping in.

The film opens with aged city dweller Kris Kristofferson breaking up a back street dog fight. In truth it is a bit of woofing, but one ends up with ketchup on its leg and is saved from a good licking by the kindly Kris. We get a bit of narration as Kris tells us it has been ages since he had a dog. I hadn’t asked, but thanks for the update Kris.

We dissolve back to the Ozarks in 1933 when Kris was a young lad called Billy Coleman. Billy is of hillbilly stock and doesn’t wear shoes. He’s mad keen to get a pair of dogs so he can hunt raccoons, which are sought after for their coats which go for a high price back east.

Two local bad kids buy a choice pup that Billy had his eye on for $35. We know they are bad as they have money, slicked down hair and slag Billy for not having a dog. Billy moans to his shopkeeper grandfather who tells him that God will give him dogs but he needs to be met halfway. They never covered the dog distribution rules in my Sunday school class! Billy saves up the required $50 in double quick time, thanks to a ‘chores’ montage.

He walks the 12 miles to pick up the dogs and endures mild peril in the shape of some schoolyard bullies who slag off his bare feet. He soon makes it home and another montage sees the dogs get trained and grow to full size. More mild peril is overcome and soon Billy is at the district coon hunting championships. Can he win the day and the prize money that would allow the family to move to civilisation in Tulsa? What has the legend of the red fern, which grows between two graves, have to do with Billy and his two dogs? Eeeek!

I quite liked this mild and danger free offering. It was so damn nice you couldn’t help but enjoy it. I wasn’t so keen on the raccoon hunts with dozens of the critters chased up trees and skinned off camera. They do have the ‘no animals were harmed’ sign at the end but they can’t have enjoyed being chased all over the shop. I was glad at the end when the dogs were confronted by a mountain lion - not the tough guys now are we?!

There were a couple of familiar faces in Ned Beattie’s nice sheriff and Dabney Coleman’s even nicer shopkeeper. The only baddies were quickly seen off in what was quite a brutal manner. Don’t slag off my lack of dogs or you’ll die in a hatchet accident!

The Christian elements did permeate throughout, with songs about the lord and pleas to God that were answered. That’s all fine, but I do prefer my family schmaltz secular thanks very much Mr Disney.

If you like dogs, and don’t mind them dying at the end, then this could be the film you’ve been waiting for.

Best Bit : Nasty Kid Gets Axed  ‘W’ Rating 14/23

No.292 : Where Hands Touch (2018)

Where Hands Touch at the IMDb

Off to WW2 now in this two hour tale of genocide and racism, depicted by some thinly drawn characters in some unlikely scenarios.

The film opens with a caption reading ‘Inspired by historical events’ which lets you know it didn’t happen in the manner depicted. That’s OK, as it’s not billed as a documentary and to get in a lot of the story the writer wanted to tell you have to suspend disbelief somewhat and forgive the many unlikely coincidences.

A voice-over at the start tells us of ‘The Rhineland Bastards’ children born to Arian German women to black husbands, These bi-racial kids are an embarrassment to Hitler’s plans for genetic purity and he makes life as hard as possible for them.

One such child is Leyna, whose father was a Senegalese fighting for the French. He’s no longer on the scene and Leyna lives with her mother and white younger brother. Virtually everyone is horrible to Leyna apart from the baker who later gets shot in the crotch for his troubles. Leyna gets booted out of her school and sent to work in the factory, along side her mother.

She meets a Hitler Youth, Lutz, who is the only nice Nazi we meet. Lutz’ dad, The Ninth Doctor, is trying to sit out the war despite being a high ranking Nazi. He encourages his son to do the same but the boy is keen to fight. This doesn’t marry well with his racial tolerance and frankly his ideals are all over the shop.

After an hour of abuse Leyna’s mother gets taken to the camps and Leyna follows soon after. At the camp Leyna discovers she’s pregnant to Lutz, but as luck would have it Lutz is posted to the very same camp. As the war nears its end, Leyna’s pregnancy begins to show. Can Lutz protect her and who will protect him?

This was a good effort on a worthy subject, and it’s hard to criticise such brave intentions. But here goes. I felt the film relied a lot on coincidence. Everybody appeared where they needed to be and even after a slightly shocking ending, emboldened by some radical character shifts, another unlikely reunion in the smallest camp you’ll ever see, just made it seem less real and for crowd pleasing effect only.

The Germans were broadly drawn with Leyna getting abused every time she walked down the street. With the war at its peak it seemed strange that random soldiers were allowed to stand outside the factories just grabbing random workers - don’t you want these shells made? Abbie Cornish was great as the Mum and nailed the accent. Amandla Stenberg was less convincing in the main role of Leyna and I never felt the principals were believable as a family.

The Ninth Doctor was all over the place as the nice Nazi who goes mental at the end. Probably his Lancashire accent that did for him. The locations and costumes were good as was the concentration camp set. Not in the ‘Schindler’s List’ ball park but still believable and garnished by some pretty brutal murders.

Tonally it was a bit of a mess with characters professing love and then being right shits - even the saintly Leyna, who grasses up an escapee two minutes before being caught herself. Desperate measures for desperate times or just a nasty bit of work?

It was a quick two hours and I enjoyed it for the most part. The suspension of disbelief was a necessity as was the acceptance of some scene chewing acting, but overall this was an informative and powerful film that delivered a war time message that still resonates today.

Best Bit : Look at my Jazz mags  'W' Rating 16/23

No.291 : Where Hope Grows (2014)

Where Hope Grows at the IMDb

Calvin is a former baseball player who froze up when he made the big leagues and started drinking. He has issues with his daughter and a rudderless existence. Don’t worry Calvin - some redemption is in the post.

Calvin strikes up a friendship with Produce a young man with Down’s syndrome, named after the section of the supermarket in which he works. Lucky he wasn’t put in charge of panty liners. Produce is positive and knowledgeable but unable to attain his dream of being ‘Employee of the Month’. His nasty bass calls him a retard and is later chastised by Calvin who tells the black gentlemen that ‘We don’t use the ‘R’ word, the same as we don’t use the ‘N’ word’. Sounded a bit threatening to be honest.

Produce sings in a gospel choir and it was when this was revealed that the fear overtook me - is this a Christian film that I had stumbled onto by mistake? At first it wasn’t overly overt but after an hour there was a long discussion about praying, and I realised I’d been suckered in - Hallelujah! The answer to that question was that God wasn’t a genie who granted wishes so you might not get what you want. Sounds like you’d get the same deal by not praying at all!

Anyway Calvin, inspired by Produce, manages to kick the booze and applies for a job at a local baseball team. Perils abound however, as Produce is being bullied by Calvin’s daughter’s dickish boyfriend, Colt. Colt was also a bit busy with his hands with the daughter in scenes reminiscent of an after school special, only to be told ‘My dad was right about you’ before she leaves. It does ramp up later on however, with an attempted rape at the Laser-Tag; but we were never in doubt about how the day would be saved.

Calvin manages to stay sober but his friend Milton still drinks - and drives. Remember that for later.

After the laser tag fumble a misunderstanding sends Produce away in the huff. With everyone searching who will find him and what tragedy will befall our hapless cast? Can Calvin stay sober and will Produce get the accolade he really wants?

This is the kind of film they’d show you if the Sunday School teacher was ill. There was the mildest of peril, good advice and a strong dose of Ned Flanders type vitamin church.

The redemption of Calvin was never in doubt and they went down that tired old route of learning from an innocent. In that role David DeSanctis did well although the whole thing was just a bit too nice and twee for my liking.

I didn’t like Calvin much who seemed a bit of a dick berating the manager over his choice of ‘Employee of the Month’ - yeah you know best you pisshead! The climatic fallout was poorly managed, especially by the daughter who says ‘Produce hit Colt and it’s bad’ rather than ‘Colt tried to rape me and Produce decked him’ which would have prevented any issues.

The closing scenes, where we’re led to believe one character had died before the big reveal that it was another were laughable - if anyone bought that I have some magic beans available at a reasonable price.

Not one for me, but if you like some feel good stuff and a dose of Godliness this could be for you.

Best Bit : There‘s been a rape up there!   ‘W’ Rating 12/23

No.290 : Where to Invade Next (2015)

Where to Invade Next at the IMDb

In part two of our documentary double bill we take a look at this offering from Michael Moore. I wasn’t looking forward to it much as he has gotten a bit preachy of late, but it was good fun and interesting, albeit lacking some balance.

Moore opens the film by claiming he’d been summoned to the Pentagon by the joint chiefs of staff so he could advise them. From this point you realise that we are in the realms of fantasy and you may need to order in a truckload of salt to accept what follows. The military ask for Moore’s advice as they haven’t won a war since WW2. Where are they going wrong and what can they do to improve matters?

Moore agrees to ‘invade’ various countries and to take bits from them to improve America. This is clearly a flimsy premise, but it does help Moore showcase some good socio-economic policies that could benefit the United States.

He starts in Italy and is agog at the holiday entitlement of the workers. One couple share their holiday snaps which includes the knockout wife in a variety of skimpy bikinis. Italians get 35 days of paid holidays a year whereas Americans are guaranteed zero. Moore, who presumably had done his research before he set off, stands open mouthed at the revelation. He’s also amazed by the two hour lunches and numerous other worker benefits. He says Italians are as productive as Americans but doesn’t show his working. He also skips over the fact that the Italians are an economic basket case who are constantly needing bailouts. He qualifies this by saying he’s there to pick the flowers and not the weeds. This, to me, is a bit of a cop out. It’s like saying Auschwitz has excellent parking facilities and forgetting everything else that went on there.

Each segment ends with Moore planting an American flag and saying he’s claiming whatever good stuff he finds for America.

I enjoyed the fun and breezy outlook and, if you can overlook the agenda, there was a lot to like and to learn. The French, for example, have four course, free school meals including a cheese offering. It was fun seeing the French kids laugh at the sloppy Joes and fish sticks consumed by their American cousins. Again Moore came up with slightly questionable data when he said the French meal cost the same as the American. I’m guessing that’s because the American has a corporate mark up, but no details were given.

The tour included German health care - with a rather gratuitous nude couple in a spa - Finnish education and liberal Portuguese drug laws. In isolation each of these policies were a good idea, but they were all shown out of context. Free college education for all is great but what is the health service like? Are they kind to wildlife? Are they mortgaging their children’s futures for benefits now?

This was of course an entertainment and not designed as official economic policy. It was a shame the UK didn’t rate a visit and to be honest we’re probably more aligned with the Americans than the Europeans these days. Of course he did praise the NHS in ‘Sicko’ so maybe we had our turn then.

Moore looked a lot older than his 60 odd years and was pretty infirm on his feet at times. He did however retain his sharp wit and talent for showing the absurd. I could see Americans reacting badly to this, as he basically says that every aspect of their society and culture is done better elsewhere. A lot of the points would be hard to argue, although I think I’d have the fish sticks ahead of that fennel and aubergine number any day!

Best Bit : Spa Day! 'W' Rating 20/23

No.289 : Which Way Home (2009)

Which Way Home at the IMDb

It’s time for a documentary double bill here at the ‘W’ Movie Blog. Our regular reader will attest that we cover all genres here, except perhaps porno, with the odd documentary feature a nice change of pace from the usual westerns and people being hit in the balls in frat movies.

‘Which Way Home’ (No question mark) is an Oscar Nominated documentary from 2009 which follows several children as they try to illegally enter the United States. I thought most illegals were Mexicans, but most of the people we follow are from further afield in Central America - Honduras, El Salvador and the like. These people are dirt poor and the idealised images of the US they see on TV are a persuading force in making them take the perilous journey of hundreds of miles on the back of freight trains.

The main children we follow are Kevin and Fito who are both barely teenagers. We get a bit of background of their plight as well, with cutaways back to the family home where their families are interviewed. The first stage is to get into Mexico and that seems relatively easy. The Mexicans seem nice with locals offering the kids food and a government body helping with advice and medical aid.

The train companies don’t want them however, but are unable to do much as the freight wagons are festooned with dozens of riders. We meet several other travellers and hear horrific tales of rape and murder. The kids are pretty streetwise but clearly vulnerable and prone to tears.

We also follows some migrants who end up in detention or even dead. People smugglers are happy to abandon their charges and there is one terrible sequence where a poor family have to go bureaucratic hoops to get their son’s body back from the Arizona desert where he perished.

The film was pretty unflinching, but the spirit of the children and their desire to pursue a desperate dream was enough to make it a positive experience rather than a depressing one. The filmmaker did well to keep track of her subjects over a 2000 mile journey that must have taken weeks. The camera work was excellent too, with a lot of shots taken from between and on top of the freight cars.

They didn’t follow the ‘show don’t tell’ rule  as there were regular captions giving additional information about what we were seeing - usually horrific statistics. I liked  this and felt that I came out of the film having learned something rather than having just watched some poverty porn.

Captions at the end let us know how most of those followed fared and it largely wasn’t as how they would have wanted. No doubt things will be worse now, a decade later, and it would be interesting to see the same documentary today.

The film didn’t attempt to offer solutions, merely presenting a snapshot of a humanitarian crisis that has to be addressed. Clearly if their home lives were better there wouldn’t be any reason to leave but I doubt economics would ever allow that to happen.

This was an excellent documentary that offered a lot of food for thought. Next time you moan about your train being five minutes late, spare a thought for these guys.

Best Bit : The 9 year old girl was adorable, hope she made it.  20/23

No.288 : Wind River (2017)

Wind River at the IMDb

Hawkeye out of the Avengers and the non-twin Olsen sister star in this mystery thriller set in the Wind River native American reservation in Wyoming.

Hawkeye is out tracking a mountain lion as part of his role as a wildlife and fisheries officer. He stretches his range by showing he is good with a gun as well as a bow when he shoots a coyote in a scene a bit too real for my liking. Hope they at least ate the body afterwards. Instead of his quarry he finds the body of a young woman, six miles from anywhere, in her bare feet.

The local tribal police call in the FBI and get Olsen for their troubles. She was the nearest officer and has to be kitted out in some 80’s ski wear that once belonged to Hawkeye’s daughter before she can visit the murder scene. We learn that he married a native American woman and had a son and daughter, but the marriage fell apart when the daughter died in unsolved circumstances three years earlier,

What follows is a bit of ‘Witness’ style ‘fish out of water’ detective work as Olsen, with Haweye’s help, tries to solve the crime whilst avoiding putting her foot in a big cultural pat. They run down some junkies and, after shooting one, get a clue. Ultimately all the clues are tracks in the snow, so just keep looking down and you’ll do fine.

Issues with the death certificate mean that Olsen can’t call in all the Feds she’d like, so she has to make do with the tribal police and her own instincts. All trails point to the local oil drilling settlement and with a gruesome flashback and plenty of gun play the truth will out. Can we have some healing too please?

This was a superior offering that was well worth it’s high IMDb rating of 7.8. To be honest it had passed me by on release as it does look a bit bleak from the outset. It is ‘inspired by true events’ and the closing caption says loads of native American girls are raped and murdered but no totals are kept. You can see that the film was therefore motivated by an agenda, but it was a worthy one and it was wrapped in an exciting and thoughtful blanket of thrills.

The detection was OK, but when the body was found two options were given for the victim’s starting point and it turned out it was one of them. The oil drillers were a mental bunch and their behaviour did seem a bit ridiculous both in the flashback and in the showdown scenes. One says the snow and silence drove him mad but that didn’t explain their collective mentalness and a shootout that made the OK Corral look like water pistols at dawn.

Hawkeye was a familiar character as the broken man looking for redemption, but he gave good value. Olsen was a poor version of Jodie Foster as seen in ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ as the rookie FBI officer, but she was prepared to get down and dirty with no make up and a series of unflattering outfits and I was grateful to her for that.

The massive body count and brutal fights mean this isn’t one for the squeamish but it was fast paced and exciting and the locations were fantastic. It did seem unsatisfying that Hawkeye’s daughter’s death wasn’t explored in more detail but I guess a resolution to that may have seemed a bit too neat to be believable. Maybe for the sequel.

Best Bit : Wyoming Standoff  ‘W’ Rating  : 20/23

No.287 : Whirlpool (1949)

Whirlpool at the IMDb

Black and white melodrama from 1949 now - well you have to spoil yourself sometimes. I actually quite enjoyed this one although the promised whirlpool never appeared - not even a Zanussi was on show.

The film starts Gene Tierney, who is a lady, and looks like a young Joan Collins on a good day. She helps herself to some five fingered discount at a department store but gets collared by the store detective. The store is about to call the cops but then a man shows up and points outs she’s rich and not black, so they let her go - and it was a $300 mermaid pin she nicked too!

It turns out stealing is OK if you are rich, and our lady, Ann, is independently wealthy and is married to a famous psychotherapist. I couldn’t tell you the names of any psychotherapists today, but I guess in the 1940s you had to make celebrities where you can - what with ‘Love Island’ being decades away.

Ann’s saviour, David Corvo, (Jose Ferrer) calls her up the next day and asks for a meeting. Ann suspects he’s a blackmailer and writes him a cheque for $5000 but he rips it up. Is he really a nice man or has he bigger plans for the easily suggestible Ann? We quickly know he’s a wrong ‘un when he hear of his money worries on the phone; and why has he snagged that glass with Ann’s finger prints on it? Ann is also warned off David by a former conquest of his who is suing him for the $60k (200 mermaid pins in old money) he embezzled from her.

After a few sessions with our hypnotist and fortune telling bad guy, Ann heads out after picking up some recordings and heads to a remote house. When she arrives she finds the dead body of the $60k woman and no memory of how she got there. She must have been hypnotised but you can’t make a non-killer kill under hypnosis and the main suspect is in hospital recovering from a gall bladder operation.

Will Ann get the electric chair or will her husband and the police chief engineer a way to get her off?

This was a decent offering if you can blot out the bombastic and sweeping soundtrack. It was fun to see different times with the privileged few bossing about their servants and waiters with aplomb. “You can clean up later” Ann tells her black maid with a sweep of her hand. Fuck you very much you murdering klepto!

The plot was pretty straightforward and we had no doubt as to what was happening throughout. The bad buy hypnotising himself seemed a bit daft as was the method of his downfall - just have her chuck them in the fire!

Tierney was good in the lead but a bit weak and simpering. The character may have demanded that, but I’d of hoped she may have sorted something out herself rather than rely on the men folk. I liked Ferrer as the slimy baddie with his penchant for ‘making love’ to vulnerable ladies. The stiff upper lipped and bow tied wearing husband played by Richard Conte was really dull and you can see why Ann went looking for shoplifting thrills. Filling out the cast was Charles Bickford who didn’t impress as the hard as nails police chief who, for some reason, allows a murderess and her husband out for the night for a session of deus ex machina plot resolution. Oh well, he was probably lonely due to having a dead wife.

Directed by Otto Preminger the film has good credentials and is well made. A lot of what goes on seems ridiculous now, but it’s an interesting throwback and although there is not one surprise it is an entertaining ride.

Best Bit : ‘He’s a pure shit’  ‘W’ Rating : 17/23

No.286 : Wild in Blue (2015)

Wild in Blue at the IMDb

Sometimes you start a film and if you weren’t writing an unread ‘W’ movies blog you’d cut your losses and watch something else. ‘Wild in Blue’ is such a film and it was a trial to sit through its nihilism, pretentiousness and jerky camera actions.

The film opens with our hero, Charlie, with a gun in his mouth. He has it in and out of there several times but, alas, decides to save us form an early night and chooses to keep on living - well if you can call it that.

Charlie is a nasty piece of work and has many fantasies which may or not be real. He has a threesome with a couple of hookers before strangling them. He offers poor old Karen Black, in what was her last role, help in fixing her car before smashing her face in with a hammer. That scene was plain nasty and if it wasn’t for the terrible makeup, I’d have been quite disturbed by it.

All the while Charlie is filming his activities and offering us his ponderous narration. He says his film  is intended to ‘help us bury the dead things inside of us’ which is very generous of him, but frankly, he shouldn’t have bothered. The film uses Charlie’s footage as part of the narrative so we get lots of static-filled VHS shots and focus that looks like the steady-cam was on a bungee rope. I’d imagine this process was to draw us into Charlie’s world and to give us a voyeur’s view of the action - well that and it’s cheap.

Charlie makes a friend who is also weird and wants to be hurt. I may have misread this but I think the friend didn’t exist except in Charlie’s mind as no one else reacts to him when he’s perving about, and Charlie acts out the friend’s fantasies. Things may look up when Charlie gets a nice girlfriend. Again I’m not clear if the sociopath is imagining things or she’s a hooker, but she is quite game for most things, usually involving strangulation.

At times it looks like Charlie will take it too far and the last elongated scene is of him filming himself strangling her with the film intercut with him being beaten up as a child by his Dad, the Stunt Man himself, Steve Railsback. Seems a strange thing for a family movie to be made of, so again it may all be playing out inside Charlie’s frazzled brain. Will the ‘why did she agree to be in this?’ girlfriend survive and will Charlie find the gun he was playing with at the start? I can help to look!

This was a God awful film that looked like some dreadful film school project - cheap and with every cut and effect filter you can imagine. Amazingly IMDb says it won some awards - must have been ‘Least Use of Focus in a Feature Presentation’. There was no attempt to engage you with the characters with scenes dragging on for an age in a clearly improvised and meandering manner.

You could see art house types lapping it up, but it just grated throughout with its industrial noises and strobing lights setting the scene for people to have rough sex with their clothes on. Prudish yet extreme is a strange mix.

The slightly upbeat ending and reveal came about 80 minutes too late for me to care and I’m just glad it’s done. Let’s never speak of it again.

Best Bit  : I love a good skirt - (way more than this stinker) 6/23

No.285 : While We’re Young (2014)

While We're Young at the IMDb

This film of middle age yuppie angst opens with a screaming baby - never a good start. Ben Stiller and Naomi Watts play a childless couple who, after holding their friend’s baby, decide that parenthood is not for them. They had tried and failed to conceive before and are now settled into their comfortable and carefree lives.

Ben is a documentary filmmaker, but his work can only be found on eBay and his latest feature has been in production for eight years. He does teach a class in film making, and it’s here that he meets Kylo Ren, a young hipster film maker who eulogises over Ben’s questionable movie career.

Ben likes the fawning and soon the pair become friends, with Kylo’s wife, her off ‘Mamma Mia’, joining them for double dates. The older couple envy the free spirited youths and soon start to adopt parts of their lifestyles such as wearing silly hats and doing hip-hop aerobics. Ben and Kylo start to help each other on their projects and Ben is jealous when Kylo makes and edits a hit film is a few days, as his 8 hour epic is boring as hell and nowhere near finished.

Ben’s initial annoyance soon blooms into full blown irritation as he discovers that Kylo’s film may not have been as honest as he made out. Also, is Ben’s father in law, a celebrated documentary film maker, real reason that Kylo zeroed in on Ben? And will illicit kiss at a shaman dope session also signal problems for the forty something couple?

The older couple become alienated from their peer group of friends and with a gala celebration of the father in laws work due, will Ben expose the dodgy practices used by Kylo and are they really all that important? Will children come back into the occasion or will they accept what they have?

Written and directed by Noah Baumbach this film pretty much delivered what I was expecting. Lots of middle-aged angst and an examination of relationships set against a backdrop of coffee bars and sunglasses. It was OK though.

I liked the seduction of Ben as he was enticed into the hipster lifestyle. We all knew Kylo was a bad lot from the start when he kept leaving Ben to pay the bill, but Ben was blinded by the praise and energy of his younger rival. It was good that Ben started to see though the façade and it was a clever twist when his big exposure of his rival was met with a resounding ‘so what?’ from all in attendance.

Ben’s slavish devotion to the truth at all costs lost him sight of what really mattered - the truth of the story being told. It was questionable that Kylo set up his story, and the detection angle for Ben was decent, but at the end of the day people need to be entertained and if a narrative shortcut can lose several hours of Turkish politics, then we're all for it.

The performances from the two male leads were good with the two females not getting much to do. The whole enterprise was somewhat slight and I don't doubt that this one will fade quickly from the memory, but it was an enjoyable slice of life with some interesting questions asked, if not fully answered.

Best Bit : Ben's Film Gets the Critique it Deserves   16/23

No.284 : Wild River (1960)

Wild River at the IMDb

Set in 1931, the film opens with some back and white archive footage of the terrible damage and loss of life suffered when the Tennessee river bursts its banks. This sets the scene for the drama which follows which sees Montgomery Clift’s Tennessee Valley Authority trouble shooter's attempt to clear a valley before the dam causes the area to be underwater. As normally happens in such situations everyone has sold up and moved on apart from one settlement.

This is run by a fearsome octogenarian who along with her simpleton son and granddaughter, Lee Remick, runs a slick operation that sees all the tenant farmers do all the work. This is the deep south remember so don’t tread here if you can’t take some pretty on the nose racial abuse. Grandma isn’t keen to move so Clift tries to undermine her by paying all her workers an eye watering $5 a day to help clear the land ahead of the flooding.

Huge mistake! The locals don’t like the black workers receiving the same pay and the local chamber of commerce worry that this fat pay day will ruin the local economy, which relies on the virtual slave labour of the black community.

Not being too worried about all the bother he’s causing Clift soon gets friendly with the widow Remick and lives up to his character’s name ‘Chuck’, as he chucks it up her with indent haste - this is the 1930’s remember.

Things come to a head as the US Marshalls are sent in for an eviction and the Good Ole Boys lay siege to Clift’s love nest. Will the old lady leave? Will the valley be flooded and will race relations be settled once and for all?

Directed by Elia Kazan (’Streetcar’, ’Waterfront’) this was a superior offering and, although it did dip in the middle a bit, it was engaging and tense.

Clift was good in the lead and I liked that he wasn’t a butch hero as he got his clock cleaned every time he squared up to the local bullies. He was clearly a lover more than a fighter as he was invited to stay overnight in Remick’s shack the first day he got her off the island. The cantankerous old granny was good fun with her nastiness clearly been brought about by fear of change.

The film was a bit dated in it’s depiction of black workers with many simpering to Clift with questions about where electricity comes from "do you wring it out the water?" one asks. To be fair Clift’s character is a progressive offering trips to the dam and fair pay to one and all. This approach is a bit naive and he does concede at one point that he forgot he was in the south.

Remick is a bit simpering in the female lead and too keen to fall into Clift’s arms and desert old grandma. The showdown at the end was good although they didn’t hold true with the premise of Chekhov’s gun - a big shooter was found and fondled after an hour, but never seen again!

This was an interesting production that will serve as a historical document detailing the real life efforts to bring safety and electricity to a bunch of yokels who were fine as they are thanks very much, and to a film made 30 years after the event which would be radically different if made today.

Best Bit : Here‘s $4 get the best bottle of wine you can find.  17/23

No.283 : Winter’s Bone (2010)

Winter's Bone at the IMDb

The title here refers to being tenacious, like a dog trying to get at a (frozen) bone in the ground. Our heroine, Ree, certainly displays tenaciousness and you will too, if you manage to sit through this grim but enjoyable offering.

Jennifer Lawrence plays the 17 year old Ree, who is the eldest of three siblings. Mum is a basket case and Dad hasn’t been seen for a while, as he is being pursued by the cops for cooking meth. Ree has to live off the land - mainly squirrels - and the kindness of neighbours as they are saving up to have a pot to piss in.

A bad day gets worse when the cops show up to advise that Dad is due in court in a week and if he doesn’t show the family will lose the house which he has put up as a bond. Ree sets out to find the errant parent and what follows is a big game of hide and seek as she asks round the neighbourhood for her dope fiend Dad.

Everyone is poor but offers a drink or a doobie, but also a warning to stay well away. The code of silence is strong and to talk to the cops would be a death sentence. Ree’s uncle Teardrop says he thinks his brother's dead and tries to put Ree off by taking her to the site of a meth house explosion saying that’s where he died. Ree isn’t convinced and knows that if Dad is dead, proof will be needed to satisfy the bail bondsman.

She heads off to the local kingpin of crime but gets a solid kicking from the womenfolk for her trouble, and is only saved by the intervention of Teardrop who promises to be responsible for her actions. Running out of options Ree looks to enlist in the army for the $40k incentive and to tries and place her siblings with her neighbours.

But wait! A chink of light is offered that may get her out of her predicament. Unfortunately it’s a grim and nasty chink of light but we’ll take what we can get. Will Ree manage to save the homestead and escape from her grim reality?

This was a horrid slice of life from modern day Missouri. The film is shot  vérité style with a dull palette and genuine backwater types filling out the cast. The grinding poverty was well realised with some dead squirrels the equivalent of the big shop.

Lawrence does well in the lead but is a bit pretty despite her unflattering wardrobe. Her Southern drawl is a somewhat distracting but she’s not shy in getting her hands dirty or of taking on some questionable tasks.

The air of menace in every character was good and you got the sense that life was cheap. Even the police with their old cruisers and their complicit actions weren’t immune from the general malaise on show, and I liked that the grimmest possible conclusion was eked out for the ‘where’s Dad’ mystery reveal.

The ending does offer a smidgen of hope for the future, but you get the sense that that will soon be overtaken with some new desperate situation. Not an uplifting tale but an interesting and engaging one.

Best Bit : ‘Pass the chainsaw’ 19/23

No.282 : Whistle Down the Wind (1961)

Whistle Down the Wind at the IMDb

Black and white English drama now as we enter the exciting worlds of kittens and people who may, or are most likely not, be Jesus Chirst. The caption card for the film reads ‘This is a Beaver Film’ - flagrant false advertising if you ask me.

We open with the henpecked Dad off ‘Fawlty Towers’ carrying a sack whilst being tailed by three young children. He chucks the sack in a pond, but this is recovered by the kids who find three kittens inside. The kids all live with their widowed Dad ( ’M’ of the James Bonds - must be deep cover) and their aunt on a farm with the attempted kitten drowner being their labourer.

The kids can’t keep the kittens and receive a few rejections including one from a Salvation Army lady who tells them that Jesus will look after them. As he isn’t immediately available the children hide the kittens in a box in the barn.

Later that night the oldest girl, Kathy (Hayley Mills) returns to feed them only to discover a bearded man in the barn who exclaims ‘Jesus Christ’ before keeling over. Taking this as an introduction rather than an expression of surprise, Kathy is convinced that their guest is the second coming and soon returns with her sister and her Dad’s best bottle of port and some bread. You know, Jesus food.

Over the course or three days the three children run errands for Jesus such as getting him some cake and fetching his gun from a railway tunnel. Meanwhile the police have a manhunt on for a murderer - could these plot threads be related?

Despite a vow of silence the kids soon blab after some encouragement from the school bully. Soon a dozen or so disciplines show up and are read to by Jesus from the holy text of ‘Shirley‘ magazine. Cracks start to show however when ‘Jesus’ lets a kitten die and the police dragnet is closing in. Will we get a massacre or is the kitten the extent of the deaths on show?

This was a nice film about innocence and about how gullible children are. That’s not fair actually, the man on the run, played by Alan Bates, never claimed to be Jesus, the kids just assumed he was. Beards must be rare in Barnsley.

The kids were all excellent and a great selection of urchins and cherubs was offered. Alan Barnes was great as the five year old Charles and it’s a pity he only made one other film. Hayley Mills does most of the work as the oldest daughter and she seemed a bit old to be so naive. I guess she just wanted to believe.

There was mild menace as the cops closed in, but I think it was good that the murderer was softened by the children rather than have him murder some in a desperate bid for freedom. No small sacrifice given this was the time of capital punishment.

The credits list Bates’ character as ‘The Man’ but the cops call him ‘Blakey’ I 'ate you credits writer!

In the end it transpired, as you’d probably have guessed, that Bates’ wasn’t Christ, he was just a naughty boy.

This was an enjoyable film which, although slight on plot, had some great performances and cracking locations.

Best Bit : ‘Get me my Jesus gun. And some fags’.  19/23

No.281 : Who’s Your Daddy? (2002)

Who's Your Daddy at the IMDb

Back to school once again in this straight to video romp that more or less follows the plot of every rags to riches film you’ve ever seen. Indeed it is a near carbon copy of recent ‘W’ movie shitefest 'Whatever it Takes‘ which preceded this effort by a couple of years. Despite it having a plot revolving round a porn empire this one is worse, a lot worse.

Our hero is Chris a senior at high school who looks about 30. The actor, whose career was pretty much killed by this film was in fact 22, but a lot older looking that his supposed 18 years, which makes it extra creepy when his mother walks in on him choking the chicken. He hangs around with the usual cast of dweebs and losers and fantasies about the hot girl in school, whilst failing to notice the cute school paper editor has the hots for him. Sound familiar?

We get a full half hour of dorky activity such as the gang trying to entice girls to their party and Chris being hit on the head by a ball three times in one scene. It wasn’t funny the first time but let’s see if repetition adds anything?

Eventually a lawyer named Mike Hunt (Thanks ‘Porkies’) shows up and tells Chris that his natural parents have died and that he is now the owner of the leading stroke mag in the country ‘Heaven’. All is not well however as the lawyer and an evil Uncle are trying to cheat Chris out of his inheritance. It’s like the script was on autopilot!

Chris heads off to the Playboy, sorry Heaven mansion and meets all the ‘Angels’ - various women with their knockers hanging out - and Lin Shaye’s secretary who ill advisedly wears suspenders throughout. After a few fumbles Chris goes full on prick mode and starts lording it over his fat hanger on and his classmates. He hooks up with the hot girl who has her own agenda and dumps on the pretty school paper editor. She won’t remember!

Soon enough, the baddies wrest control of the Empire from Chris and he has to win it back. Can he and some bimbos and nerds produce a magazine in time and come up with some unlikely twists to regain control? Of course they can! Just in time to get the nice girl too - she didn’t bear a grudge!

This was an awful effort and you can see why it earned its ‘video premiere’. You’d think for a film with dozens of topless women high marks would be earned but the plot was so basic and dull no amount of eye candy could save it.

Chris was a terrible character both in nerd and prick modes and you genuinely couldn’t give a toss for his endeavours. There were some decent actors showing up such as the asshole reporter out o the ‘Die Hard’ Films but they’ll all have Tippexed this one off their CVs. Special mention to Patsy Kensit who must have experienced her career low here, fondling a giant butt plug and trying to sell herself as ‘Miss May’ at 34 amongst a gaggle on teenage and enhanced models.

The morals were all pretty dubious too, with the principled school paper editor happily taking over the porno shoot. The idea that the magazine’s subscribers would take to her tasteful shots and feminist articles was one of the few chortles in the script.

You’d probably do well to find a copy of this dud but if you see it in the charity shop save yourself some embarrassment and hide it in a copy of ‘Razzle’ when you take it to the counter.

Best Bit : Arriving at the mansion.  ‘W’ Rating 10/23

No.280 : War Horse (2011)

War Horse at the IMDb

It’s not often we get a tent pole release on the W movie blog but I had the Blu-Ray of this sitting on the shelf for ages, so let’s have a look.

Directed by Steven Spielberg, I would normally have looked this up before but the wife saw it at the cinema and had such a tearful experience that she didn’t want to watch it again. Still that’s what man caves and lock downs are for.

The film opens with a horse being born. Can’t fault them for missing bits out. The horse is sold to a pissed up Peter Mullan at market who has no business buying a thoroughbred at market, apart from noising up his landlord, David Thewlis. Thewlis is made out to be a bit of a dick for wanting his rent off the permanently pissed Mullan, but you can hardly blame him. Mullan’s son Albert takes charge of the horse which he calls Joey.

Joey manages to plough a rocky field against all odds giving the locals their best entertainment in years. ‘Love Island’ was still a madman’s dream. Despite its great work with plough, Mullen sells the nag to Loki when his turnip crop fails. Loki is the nicest man in the army who needs horses for the recently started first world war. He promises to keep in touch with Albert but that plan fizzles out when his and Dr Strange’s battle plan turns out to be a load of dated bollocks.

Joey then falls into the hands of the Hun but luckily it’s the nice Germans that we rarely see on film. After a short period of ownership the German owners get shot as deserters and the horse takes up boarding with an old French man and his granddaughter. After a two minute ride the horse gets captured again by the Germans and is tasked with pulling artillery. With its luck it must have done a dump on a leprechaun.

Meanwhile Albert has enlisted in the army and has a date at the Somme. Can the man and horse be reunited to live happily ever after?

This is a quality film with some cracking sequences and star names popping up at every turn. The scenes on the Somme were fantastic, especially when Joey loses a fight with some barbed wire. Once again the Germans turn out to be nice and that’s the pervading feel of the film. Everyone is decent really - surprised that they managed to start a war!

The horse itself doesn’t have much in the way of character but it’s used as a cipher to show the various theatres of war and the consequences of it. There was plenty of gruesome deaths and the trenches were well realised. The various vignettes showing the horse’s different owners were a good device for speeding the plot along and to keep us engaged. I don’t think I was ever that taken with the horse, which looked largely disinterested throughout, but the human interest angles were well done and it would be a man of stone who wouldn’t shed a tear at the sepia toned, sunset finale.

It is a bit long at 140 minutes but there is a lot packed in and practically every British character actor you can think of - I liked Eddie Marsan’s tough as nails but nice really sergeant and Davos Seaworth’s kill ‘em no cure ‘em doctor.

Overall this is an impressive and emotional ride on an old nag that they couldn’t put down.

Best Bit : The Major put in £10 - sob!  ‘W’ Rating 19/23

No.279 : Whatever It Takes (2000)

Whatever It Takes at the IMDb

Back to school now for a look at this formulaic but still fun high school film that sees early outings from Jesse Pinkman and James Franco. If you have seen any film where the prom is a feature of the finale you’ll have pretty much seen this, especially if you are a student of Cyrano De Bergerac and the all-time classic ‘Pretty in Pink’.

Our hero is Ryan, a nerdy accordion player who is starting to outgrow his dweebish friends including Pinkman, doing a poor man’s Jeff Spicoli, and Tom Hanks’ son. He lives next door to Maggie and the two talk across their unfeasibly close balconies. From the first scene you know that they will end up together, but we’ve got 90 minutes to fill so let’s have them as just good friends for now.

Ryan fancies the high school sweetheart in the shape of the unobtainable Ashley, whilst high school jock Franco likes Maggie. With both men having no chance of landing their chosen babe they hatch a plan to help each other pimp out their friend so that some stranger can get his hole. Lovely.

There are some slim slide plots including Pinkman’s quest for a bit of a statue and a funny and sadistic games teacher played by that guy off ‘The West Wing’ who throws baseballs at the kids and tells them to “Walk it off”. Grrr hope he gets his comeuppance!

The sordid plan goes well but Ryan soon realises the hot girl isn’t all that. She has a hairy back and scabby feet. Seems nice enough though, until she disparages a midget at a carnival and pukes up, so she deserves all she gets. Meanwhile Ryan is feeding Franco lines so that he can make some headway with Maggie.

This involves the world’s oldest computer and a scene ripped off, fully intact from ‘Roxanne’, but soon we’re off to the prom. Who will end up with whom and will the mildly bad people get a fitting finale? Of course!

This was mild ‘12’ certificate fun but there was enough subversive humour to keep me entertained. Most of it was due to Pinkman in his first role, who has most of the best lines and, it looked like, the most fun. The lead is a bit dull and the hottest girl in school wasn’t all that - the blossoming next door neighbour looked a better bet from the start.

It was hard to care about a load of white privileged kids having their fancy prom but there were enough laughs to keep me invested. Not subtle stuff you understand but when the old woman farted when getting lifted to the toilet I did smirk. I’m not proud.

The cast was largely good and I enjoyed seeing several familiar faces including Champ Kind sporting the last traces of his hair.

The values espoused were dubious at best but love won out in the end and all the bad people got humiliated in public so that’s all right then. I don’t think Ryan earned his happy ending as he was a right prick throughout but when you mix a formula you have to stick to the recipe!


Best Bit :Prom over a swimming pool - what can go wrong?    ‘W’ Rating : 15/23