Our hero is Chris a senior at high school who looks about 30. The actor, whose career was pretty much killed by this film was in fact 22, but a lot older looking that his supposed 18 years, which makes it extra creepy when his mother walks in on him choking the chicken. He hangs around with the usual cast of dweebs and losers and fantasies about the hot girl in school, whilst failing to notice the cute school paper editor has the hots for him. Sound familiar?
We get a full half hour of dorky activity such as the gang trying to entice girls to their party and Chris being hit on the head by a ball three times in one scene. It wasn’t funny the first time but let’s see if repetition adds anything?
Eventually a lawyer named Mike Hunt (Thanks ‘Porkies’) shows up and tells Chris that his natural parents have died and that he is now the owner of the leading stroke mag in the country ‘Heaven’. All is not well however as the lawyer and an evil Uncle are trying to cheat Chris out of his inheritance. It’s like the script was on autopilot!
Chris heads off to the Playboy, sorry Heaven mansion and meets all the ‘Angels’ - various women with their knockers hanging out - and Lin Shaye’s secretary who ill advisedly wears suspenders throughout. After a few fumbles Chris goes full on prick mode and starts lording it over his fat hanger on and his classmates. He hooks up with the hot girl who has her own agenda and dumps on the pretty school paper editor. She won’t remember!
Soon enough, the baddies wrest control of the Empire from Chris and he has to win it back. Can he and some bimbos and nerds produce a magazine in time and come up with some unlikely twists to regain control? Of course they can! Just in time to get the nice girl too - she didn’t bear a grudge!
This was an awful effort and you can see why it earned its ‘video premiere’. You’d think for a film with dozens of topless women high marks would be earned but the plot was so basic and dull no amount of eye candy could save it.
Chris was a terrible character both in nerd and prick modes and you genuinely couldn’t give a toss for his endeavours. There were some decent actors showing up such as the asshole reporter out o the ‘Die Hard’ Films but they’ll all have Tippexed this one off their CVs. Special mention to Patsy Kensit who must have experienced her career low here, fondling a giant butt plug and trying to sell herself as ‘Miss May’ at 34 amongst a gaggle on teenage and enhanced models.
The morals were all pretty dubious too, with the principled school paper editor happily taking over the porno shoot. The idea that the magazine’s subscribers would take to her tasteful shots and feminist articles was one of the few chortles in the script.
You’d probably do well to find a copy of this dud but if you see it in the charity shop save yourself some embarrassment and hide it in a copy of ‘Razzle’ when you take it to the counter.
Best Bit : Arriving at the mansion. ‘W’ Rating 10/23
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