No.77 : Witness (1985)

Witness at the IMDb

Recently widowed Amish mother Rachel and her young son leave their isolated community to visit a relative. During a stop over in the big city her son, Samuel, witnesses the brutal murder of a man we later learn was police undercover operative. Detective John Book (Harrison Ford) interviews the boy and shows him mug shots without success, but an departmental conspiracy is uncovered when the boy spots a picture of the murderer in a police trophy cabinet.

Book quickly realises that the bad guy (Danny Glover), is responsible for some missing drug evidence and goes to his superior with the case. Unfortunately he’s dirty too, a point proven when Glover comes gunning for him. Now unable to trust anyone Book takes flight with the boy and his mother back to the Amish community. He plans to leave immediately but is hampered by a bullet wound inflicted by Glover that starts to get infected. Over a period of time he recovers but is warned by his partner not to return as it’s too hot for him in the city.

He gradually settles into the community and a touch of romance blossoms with Rachel. Things come to a head however, when a run in with a bunch of rednecks put him on the police radar and the bad guys come calling.

This film has a great cast and excellent director in the shape of Peter Weir. The script won the best screenplay Oscar and it enjoys a reasonably high score of 7.5/10 on the IMDb. I just didn’t enjoy it that much, sorry.

The first thing that put me off the film was the score, which admittedly is of its era, but it just sounded like a funky episode of ‘Miami Vice’ a lot of the time. When the bad guys appeared it went all doom laden, but jaunty when they were raising the barn. Setting the mood is one thing but so is hitting you over the head with a mallet.

The fish out of water scenario that saw Book enter the backwards world of the Amish also didn’t gel for me as he seemed to be getting along fine. Apart from a couple of sniffs in the beginning he was quickly embraced by the insular people and he didn’t seem to mind the lack of buttons at all. There were some lines that suggested he was unhappy with his city life that involved no wife and kids but I didn't get the impression that he was getting fulfilled here either - just as stony faced really.

The blossoming romance with the somewhat chubby Kelly McGillis was slightly better and he became a dirty Book when he got a look at her charms. The energy didn't really sparkle between the pair however, and I don’t think him hanging up his gun was ever really a consideration.

I was also less than impressed by the bad guys who were pretty thinly drawn. Danny Glover, who gives good value in the ‘Lethal Weapons’ films, is really bad but has nothing to work with . The corrupt Chief didn't ring true either and he certainly didn't come across as a bad ass murderer with $20 million of drug cash in his back pocket.

There are some things to like such as the insights into the Amish and a funny scene where some rednecks pick on the wrong carriage to harass, but overall it’s a pretty straight forward three act drama with precious little in the way of character development.


Best Bit : Kelly has a scrub down


‘W’ Score : 14/23

No.76 : Waking Ned (1998)

Waking Ned at the IMDb

When a lottery ticket sold in a small Irish town is reported to have won the jackpot the locals are curious as to the identity of the lucky winner. After all the possibilities have been investigated only one name remains - Ned Devine. Local character Jackie, shamefully goes around to Ned’s house with a bit of chicken to ingratiate himself, but unfortunately finds the lucky winner dead, still clutching the winning ticket with a grin on his lifeless face.

Rather than phone the police and undertaker Jackie nabs the ticket and enlists his pal Michael in a scheme to defraud the lotto. Ned however knew not to trust his neighbours, and wrote his name on the back meaning only he can claim the prize. The dodgy duo don’t like the thought of the money going to the state, as Ned has no known family, so they decide to masquerade as the passed on pensioner.

Their initial plan for Jackie to play Ned is scuppered when they are caught unawares by the lotto agent and it falls to the less nimble tongued Michael to play the part of Ned. For some reason the agent says he’ll have to ask around the village before issuing the cheque and the pair have to agree to split the cash around the community rather than keep it all for their greedy selves as initially planned.

The morally bankrupt village all sign up to the plan which will see them share £7 million, but one just citizen may yet put a spanner in the works. As the lotto agent signs over the cheque the ‘evil witch’ is on her way to spoil the party but fate has yet to play all of its cards.

This film sets up the main protagonists as a couple of old rogues but I felt they came across as a bit suspect on many fronts. When Ned is found dead with his ticket he’s described as having been there for days - lovely community spirit there! Despite leaving his corpse to fester for days they all remember him as their best pal when the money shows up.

To be fair Ian Bannen is likeable in the lead role and, if you discount his nude motorcycling scenes , David Kelly is good value as the stand in Ned - nice to see his arm grew back after ‘Robin’s Nest’ too! The gentle nature of the film, despite its many crimes and indeed deaths, means that there is no danger or threat to speak of and it’s a question of when rather than if they’ll get the money. Little time is given to the morality of the issue, with the dead Ned who is presumably Catholic, being left in purgatory for ever more.

To pad things out there is a love triangle story bolted on which has almost nothing to do with the main event apart from a weak and frankly unbelievable reveal at the end. The whole love story, that involves Jimmy Nesbitt, is really far fetched mainly because the girl being fought over is really ugly with eyebrows that’d have Denis Healey reaching for the scissors.

This isn’t a particularly bad film but it failed to engage me and it doesn’t have the roguish community spirit seen in superior films like ‘Whisky Galore’. The diddle-dee music throughout was also pretty grating and I’m sure the Irish tourist board loved the depiction of their people as a bunch on conniving Guinness drinking fraudsters.

Best Bit : Not David Kelly in the raw
Waking Ned at the IMDb
‘W’ Rating 12/23

Ciao For Now

We are on hiatus here at the 100 'W' Movie quest as we are off to Italy for 2 weeks for some in depth research and heavy drinking. See you in October.

No.75 : Where the Buffalo Roam (1980)

 Where the Buffalo Roam at the IMDb

Bill Murray stars as gonzo writer Hunter S. Thompson in this bio-pic that focuses on three episodes from his times as a journalist for Life magazine.

The film has a predictable book ending device that sees Murray at his desk with a deadline looming. Short of inspiration he thinks back to his past and the three episodes follow. We fist meet him in San Francisco in the 1960’s where he recalls the exploits of Lazlo, his lawyer, who turns up in each subsequent part. Bill sits in the courtroom as his friend defends some hippy pot smokers, unsuccessfully.

We then move to the 1972 Superbowl where Bill has a hotel suite and is fully abusing the expenses tab. He doesn’t go to the game and trades his tickets for a hat before joining Lazlo at his militia training camp.

The last part sees Bill on the campaign trail with nominee Richard Nixon. He is refused an interview but manages to get some prize quotes when he gets Odo off ‘Deep Space Nine’ high and nicks his credentials.

As the last story fades we rejoin Bill in the present with his dog and his assignment complete.

I didn’t really like this film much mainly because I didn’t like Bill Murray’s character at all. He was constantly being wacky and obstinate but came across as a total prick. You never got the impression that he was anything other than Bill Murray doing an impression, and that distraction undermined the whole film.

For a gonzo writer like Thompson the lazy framing method for the stories must have been an embarrassment and I doubt he liked being portrayed as a laconic douche bag either. Peter Boyle as Lazlo was a bit better and at least the mania from him didn’t seem forced. The other main player was an underused Bruno Kirby as Thompson’s editor who spent the whole film getting angry at missed deadlines.

The three episode format for the film did make it more digestible, but I don’t think anything was learned or developed from section to section. Lazlo was the only real connection and his part was more comic relief than essential to the stories. Of the three sections the last was best and the actor who played Richard Nixon did a pretty good job - better than Anthony Hopkins at least! This was the most fun too and saw Bill relegated form the journalist plane to the zoo plane where all the hangers on got high. And flew on it too. Boom Boom.

The opening episode was the worst with an interminable 30 minutes spent on some students getting tried for pot possession. I know it was to show how bad ‘the man’ was but it seemed a real waste of time as we joined Bill sitting casually by, watching events unfold. The middle part was ranked as such and had a few funny bits; but this was were Bill was at his most wasteful and annoying and some poor maid will have to clean that up.

I hadn’t heard of this film before, and it was a lot more accessible than the other Hunter bio-pic ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’, but it’s poor lead performance let it down along with the dull predictable script.

Best Bit Tricky Dickie in the toilet
‘W’ Score 11/23

No.74 : Waz (2007)

Waz at the IMDb

The IMDb gives the title of this film as ‘W Delta Z’ which seems a bit literal to me but to be fair they do use the Greek letter as a substitute ‘A’. Never mind, gets on the list either way!

‘Waz’ is a detective thriller in which a serial killer is on the loose. Jaded detective Eddie Argo and his fresh faced partner Helen notice that the bodies have unusual injuries and have an equation carved into their flesh. Lab tests reveal the presence of horse tranquilliser and as good fortune would have it there is only one source of the drug in the area. They raid the supplier and find slightly wacky lab man Dennis Pennis and the self same equation on the black board. It transpires that Pennis is just the supplier and he only has a few clues to assist the detectives.

The cops notice that the bodies are linked and that they appeared to have been given the choice to be killed or allow a close friend or relative to die in their place. We learn that Eddie had a high profile case collapse that involved many of the now dead people and his only link is the victim in that case, a rather grubby looking Selma Blair. Things move quickly when we learn that Blair is indeed the killer and that she’s been working on the equation which she believes proves that we’ll always seek self preservation over the welfare of others, even if they are our children or grandparents.

The last surviving acquitted man is in police protection but manages to fall into the killers hands. Eddie now has a choice should he let the man die or place himself in the killer’s hands?





This was a pretty horrible post ‘Saw’ serial killer with an elaborate plan movie. I don’t know what’s wrong with a good old fashioned killing spree as nowadays it seems to be a requirement that the killer has a scheme and a sound proof basement. The tortures such as nails bashed into finger nails and knees hammered were really gruesome and certainly not my idea of entertainment.



The detection angle was pretty good, although as soon as we meet the scarred and weird Blair there is no doubt that she’s the baddie. They did well to dispel any notions that her plan was unworkable by having her enlist unwilling strangers to help he move burly men by acting weak and needy.

The big reveal at the end did catch me unaware but on reflection it wasn’t really believable and nothing that had gone before gave it any credibility. The torture scenes were brutal and nasty and although necessary in the frame work of the film you have to wonder who’d enjoy seeing them.

These torture horror crime films are getting more and more prevalent and it isn’t welcome trend. This film wanted to be ‘Se7en’ but fell well short of that and barely scraped its way to parity with the likes of the ‘Saw’ franchise. It did have a good cast but when you have Melissa George and Selma Blair looking like a pair of hags you are clearly not making the most of your assets. Of course grimy and squalid is what the director aspired too and the fact that he achieved this meant only that my enjoyment was curtailed.

Not one to recommended unless you are a sick son of a bitch!


Best Bit : How much do you love Granny?

‘W’ Score : 12/23

No.73 : Walk All Over Me (2007)

Walk All Over Me at the IMDb


Truck stop assistant Alberta is a bit ditzy and accident prone as well. When she loses her boyfriend’s cash and gets him beaten up she decides to make a run for it rather than face the consequences. She ends up in Vancouver and looks up her childhood baby sitter who seems to be doing well for herself. After explaining the house rules she lets Alberta stay, but the guest is somewhat surprised to see a naked man cleaning the floor.


Alberta’s friend, Celene, makes her living as a dominatrix and is so successful that men have to send audition videos to get on her list. Alberta quickly settles in and gets a job at the local supermarket. She is however still clumsy and her lack of confidence makes her a target of losers and weirdoes alike. Looking to cheer herself up she tries on some of Celene’s sexy costumes but manages to ruin a dapper Russian army outfit that cost $800.

Determined to pay her friend back she roots through the audition tapes and takes on her friend’s persona to make some money. Things don’t go well at first with her initial client who was a bit too keen on being a dog in public. She is persuaded to go home with him after being tempted by the piles of cash that he claims he’s won at poker but as you‘d guess there is more to him than meets the eye.

Unfortunately for all concerned the money belongs to some local gangsters and they are keen to recover their $500,000. Alberta manages to get away with $20,000 but the crooks soon come calling when they find Celene’s business card and are understandably disbelieving when she says she doesn’t know where the rest of the money is. The gangsters kidnap Celene and the doggy man and demand that Alberta recovers their cash in return for the hostages’ safety. Can she get the dough to save the day and will the naked cleaner be of some assistance?

I didn’t really like this film much. You get the idea that it’s meant to be daring and thrilling but for the most part it’s dull and predictable. The sight of men in bondage gear might have shocked 20 years ago but now it all seems a bit passé. For a sexy film there is no nudity, apart from a couple of saggy arses, but to be fair the lead actress Leelee Sobieski has a planet engulfing cleavage - which is nice.

She is a funny looking girl, a bit like a tubbier Helen Hunt, to be holding the film together and I didn’t really buy her change from down trodden woman to kick ass dominatrix. All the men as you’d expect are pathetic from the clients to the bad guys, the leader of which was shown to be a loser as he was wearing a wig.

I found towards the end that I didn’t really care who lived or died or who got the money despite investing 100 minutes of my life in the journey. The title is a kind of pun with the downtrodden woman turning the tables but as far as I can see the only thing crushed underfoot was any wit or originality in the script.

Best Bit : Some pretty decent costume work there

‘W’ rating 7/23

No.72 : White Nights (1985)

White Nights at the IMDb

Ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov stars in this 1985 tights and treason drama. He plays, you guessed it, a ballet dancer who has defected from Russia to become an American citizen. The film opens poorly with a ten minute performance which has him hoofing about to great acclaim. Things go less well when his flight home develops problems and has to set down at a Russian airfield, in a pretty impressive crash sequence. He attempts to hide his identity by flushing his passport but them damn Ruskies are on the ball and he’s soon in the clutches of the nasty Colonel Chaiko.

Elsewhere Gregory Hines is tap dancing away at a run down Russian theatre. He is a defector in the opposite direction and living with Isabella Rossellini in a crappy apartment. The Russians, who have faked medical evidence showing Mikhail is more injured than he really is, plan to use the two dancers as a propaganda tool and put them in the same apartment where their relationship is fractious at best.

After some threats from the bad guys the pair relocate to Leningrad which looks strangely stock footagey. The car journey to the dance hall is plagued by some ropy rear projection work, but you have to remember this was made during the Cold War and the Russians were understandably reluctant to assist a production so jaundiced towards their cause.

The pair are ensconced in a fancy apartment and told to practice for the big show, but Mikhail can’t help but try to escape. He meets up with his frosty ex-lover played by Helen Mirren who has had a hard time of it as the KGB don’t believe that she wasn’t in on the defection, but she soon melts when she sees that hot shoe shuffle once again.

Mikhail manages to contact the US embassy and may have an escape route but can he convince his new friend and his wife to join him on his perilous journey?. Also, which is better the USA or Russia?





It would be churlish to criticise this film for the many dance numbers as basically that’s what it promised from the off. The politics however where extremely jarring with endless chats about freedom and ideologies filling every spare moment. As an actor Baryshnikov is a good dancer and this is in a role that he is basically playing himself. Hines is also unconvincing as a black American tap dancer who has defected to Russia, but you have to accept that that’s a pretty tough gig!

Better is Helen Mirren as Mikhail’s ex-squeeze. Although she keeps her clothes on for once, her Russian accent is very sexy. The overblown, sax heavy, 80’s soundtrack is really annoying as is Mikhail’s big hair, but at least you get lots of tap dancing. Wait, that’s shit too.

All in all the film is a pretty unsatisfying affair with its cod politics and social commentary. If you like your dancing you’ll be pretty happy with the well choreographed numbers but I’d have fast forwarded through them if I wasn’t watching it on Five US. You get the impression that they signed up Baryshnikov and then assembled a film around him, focusing on his talents. It is, to be fair a fair stab at a bio-pic, but as it’s actually a scripted drama you can’t help but be disappointed.

Best Bit : Exciting Campbelltown filmed plane crash


‘W’ Score : 13/23