No.160 : Weekend With The Babysitter (1970)

Weekend With the Babysitter at the IMDb

Here’s a bit of an oddity from 1970 that garnered a frankly woeful 1.4/10 at the IMDb. It’s a hard film to categorise - it’s a sort of soft porn, action thriller fantasy with a bit of education and stoner wisdom thrown in for good measure.

We open with scenes of a young girl on a moped inter cut with some action at the border. The customs are shown to be doing a bang up job and although that seems incongruous with the carefree girl all will become clear soon. Or not, depends if you can stay the course really.

Anyway our hot chick arrives at her destination and we find that she’s the titular babysitter - but there’s been a mix up! The wife is indeed going out but not with the husband who is staying in. As he waves the wife off he tells the girl to stay so he can pay her for her time. The dirty bastard.

The pair settle down on the sofa and the girl starts reading a script that the chap, who is a director, is due to film next week. The girl laughs at how crummy the script is (oh the irony!) and tells him that the kids don’t talk like that. To prove her point she takes him out to meet her skuzzy friends.

Meanwhile, we learn that the wife has a drug problem and is visiting her dealer. They want paid and all she can offer is a loan of her husband’s boat which could bypass the customs problems we witnessed earlier. They take her along on the smuggling trip and after doping her up make her indulge in some lesbian sex for no other reason, it would seem, other than to secure an ‘X’ certificate for this tame offering.

Back at the house the husband is flat on his back after the night on the tiles but the girl stays over to make him breakfast and take him to the speedway, like you do. After lots of unnecessary shots of screaming bikes and babysitter nudity he realises that his wife is missing and commandeers a friend’s plane to search for her. Once spotted he rallies his new biker chums to intercept the bad guys and save the wife. Will lives be lost and will our man take his junkie wife back over the nubile babysitter?

This is quite a funny film if you don’t take it too seriously. The two leads are awful with the silver haired director as convincing as a hat stand. We’ve no idea what the baby sitter’s motivation is in seducing the old timer but fair play to him seeing as this was before the time of Viagra. The sex scenes are pretty tame although I did like how one ended with a cut to an anchor splashing into the water!

The kids all get a say and one boy’s assertion that not all bikers were bad was proven when they intercept the bad guys and destroy their drugs rather than toking up themselves. The twangy early 70’s soundtrack is a bit of a distraction but if ever a film was of its time this is it.

It’s certainly not as bad as the low scoring suggests but by no means a classic either. For your money you do get a fair bit of nudity, some cringingly bad sex scenes and dialogue you wouldn’t hear in a porno - so a wise investment all round then!

Best Bit : Pilot calling the control tower and asking them to call a biker bar for help

‘W’ Rating 11/23

No. 127 : Wild Things (1998)

Wild Things at the IMDb

Here’s a saucy number that you’ve probably seen but I feel these things are best examined closely. For the subtle nuances in the detective case you understand, not the lithe young bodies sweatily gyrating around. Hardly noticed that at all.

The film is set at a Florida school and sees Matt Dillon’s PE teacher rather unwisely allow Denise Richards to wash his jeep. We don’t see what goes on but she cries rape and the case is investigated by Kevin Bacon’s cynical detective. The case looks shaky until skuzzy local Neve Campbell says he raped her too and even used the same dirty talk - how lazy is that?!

As Richards’ family are local royalty the case is high profile but it all goes awry when under cross examination from Bill Murray’s sleazy lawyer, Campbell breaks down and admits it was all a set up. Clearly wronged Dillon gets a massive pay off from Richards’ family but far from being over the shocks and bodies come thick and fast as layer upon layer of conspiracy is revealed and pretty soon we’ve no idea who’s doing what to whom and for what.

This plot summary is only a brief recap as any more would spoil a few surprises, most of which I’d forgotten since my last viewing which must have been a decade ago. In truth some of the twists are ridiculous and the planning and timing necessary to pull off some of the schemes would have NASA’s computer buzzing for weeks. The scheme isn’t really the thing of course and when you have various combinations of sexy young people getting it on it seems churlish even to mention it.

The film maintains a fast pace and despite a few incredulous moments I was happy to stay the course through wrong foot after misdirection. The excellent cast keep a straight face throughout and I imagine Dillon asked how much he’d have to pay to secure the role. I liked Theresa Russell as the slutty Mom and she was ably assisted with Robert ’Number Two’ Wagner as her attorney. I also liked Denise Richards who can deliver a ’Fuck Off’ like no one else and Campbell was fine despite being a bit shyer than the others.

The film also has a nice touch during the credits where we get a few unseen scenes from the film which demonstrate how things actually went down behind closed doors.

Given the fate of most of the cast it is a surprise that this film spawned two sequels which no doubt maintained the successful recipe of sex and violence. As a detective tale it’s a bit daft but as a sexy thriller with a few laughs it can’t be knockers. Er, knocked.

Best Bit : Hotel Reunion
‘W’ Rating : 16/23

No.83 : Women In Cages (1971)

Women in Cages at the IMDb

‘Women In Cages’ is a hard biting social satire that makes valid socio-political points about the drug trade and the exploitation of women.

Not really.

‘Women in Cages’ is an 1971 exploitation film about a bunch of chicks in a foreign jail and their evil bitch of a matron. The film opens on board a floating brothel, staffed by stereotypes and women with those 1970‘s nipples. In a needlessly elaborate scheme some drugs are passed to Rudy, who turns out to be a real shit. He then takes his American girlfriend, Jeff, to the cock fighting, as you do. The police are however on the case and as they close in Rudy gives Jeff the drugs to hold for him. The authorities give Jeff 10 years in the baddest jail in town and let Rudy off Scot free. Bugger.

Jeff meets the other inmates and it’s good to see hygiene is taken importantly, as the girls are quickly hosed down and deloused. The girls then meet the nasty head matron, Alabama, played by the always foxy Pam Grier. Alabama is a right cow, and takes her pick of the girls for her bedroom and her torture chamber ‘play room‘.

On the outside Rudy is worried that Jeff will talk to the cops, so he enlists her junkie cellmate to do her in with a poisoned ham sandwich. When this fails she uses other tactics but is foiled at every turn. One of Jeff’s other cell mates is enlisted to look after her as the cops thinks she can be turned to testify against Rudy and the syndicate.

With the promised early release not forthcoming Jeff plots the easiest jail break in history and gets out with four other prisoners. For reasons that are unclear, apart from another shirt ripping, they bring Pam along but the notorious trackers are hot on their trail. Can any of the girls survive and will the syndicate be brought to its knees?






This is a pretty crappy film, even given the low standards of the genre. The characters are unbelievable and the acting is deplorable. The dialogue stinks like the prison’s hole with lines like “It’s just like home - only different” peppering the shambolic plot.



Obviously the kind of person who picks ‘Women in Cages’ off the shelf isn't looking for much in the way of stylised drama and at least it delivers on its promise of naked women, lesbian sex and a bit of torture. It’s not very erotic however, and pretty tame by most standards - nothing below the waist please!

The jail break, which is simply going out through the sewers, is a bit easy and the feared trackers look like a bunch of blokes pulled out a Philippino bar for the occasion. Pam Grier shows great promise in an early role, and at least she gets some character development when she sees the horrors she used to inflict on others when the tables are turned.

The lead is devoid of personality however, and fails to register any emotions even when the most heinous outrages are inflicted upon her. She is also totally dumb and her relationship with the swarthy boyfriend doesn’t ring true. Still the nits I pick are hardly the kind that would concern the producers of this type of rubbish. A grubby distraction that should be put away for a few years itself.


Best Bit : Pam gets a massage


‘W’ Rating : 8/23

No.73 : Walk All Over Me (2007)

Walk All Over Me at the IMDb


Truck stop assistant Alberta is a bit ditzy and accident prone as well. When she loses her boyfriend’s cash and gets him beaten up she decides to make a run for it rather than face the consequences. She ends up in Vancouver and looks up her childhood baby sitter who seems to be doing well for herself. After explaining the house rules she lets Alberta stay, but the guest is somewhat surprised to see a naked man cleaning the floor.


Alberta’s friend, Celene, makes her living as a dominatrix and is so successful that men have to send audition videos to get on her list. Alberta quickly settles in and gets a job at the local supermarket. She is however still clumsy and her lack of confidence makes her a target of losers and weirdoes alike. Looking to cheer herself up she tries on some of Celene’s sexy costumes but manages to ruin a dapper Russian army outfit that cost $800.

Determined to pay her friend back she roots through the audition tapes and takes on her friend’s persona to make some money. Things don’t go well at first with her initial client who was a bit too keen on being a dog in public. She is persuaded to go home with him after being tempted by the piles of cash that he claims he’s won at poker but as you‘d guess there is more to him than meets the eye.

Unfortunately for all concerned the money belongs to some local gangsters and they are keen to recover their $500,000. Alberta manages to get away with $20,000 but the crooks soon come calling when they find Celene’s business card and are understandably disbelieving when she says she doesn’t know where the rest of the money is. The gangsters kidnap Celene and the doggy man and demand that Alberta recovers their cash in return for the hostages’ safety. Can she get the dough to save the day and will the naked cleaner be of some assistance?

I didn’t really like this film much. You get the idea that it’s meant to be daring and thrilling but for the most part it’s dull and predictable. The sight of men in bondage gear might have shocked 20 years ago but now it all seems a bit passé. For a sexy film there is no nudity, apart from a couple of saggy arses, but to be fair the lead actress Leelee Sobieski has a planet engulfing cleavage - which is nice.

She is a funny looking girl, a bit like a tubbier Helen Hunt, to be holding the film together and I didn’t really buy her change from down trodden woman to kick ass dominatrix. All the men as you’d expect are pathetic from the clients to the bad guys, the leader of which was shown to be a loser as he was wearing a wig.

I found towards the end that I didn’t really care who lived or died or who got the money despite investing 100 minutes of my life in the journey. The title is a kind of pun with the downtrodden woman turning the tables but as far as I can see the only thing crushed underfoot was any wit or originality in the script.

Best Bit : Some pretty decent costume work there

‘W’ rating 7/23