No.347 : Wild Rose (2018)

Wild Rose at the IMDb

Off to the sunny climes of Glasgow now, as we witness one woman’s struggle to become a top country singer - don’t say ‘country & western’, that’s a no no.

The ‘Rose' of the title is Rose-Lynn a young Glasgow girl who, when the film starts, is being released from a one year sentence in prison that she received for smuggling drugs. She’s escorted out by Stevie the Bookie, and heads home on the bus as the opening credits roll, against an endless backdrop of country music. If you don’t like country music this is one to avoid, as it’s wall to wall.

She meets up with, and pumps, her old boyfriend before heading home to her mother's, Mrs Overall, who has been looking after her young children for her. She still harbours an ambition to be a country singer and heads back to reclaim her job at Glasgow’s Grand Old Opry. This goes poorly, partly because someone else has her job and partly due to Janie Godley being the barmaid.

Rose-Lynn has to wear a tag which inhibits her plans to be a club singer so she gets a job at a fancy house as a cleaner and befriends the  owner, Susannah. Susannah is a classy lady who married a boy made good from Clydebank. Despite her constant swearing she takes to Rose-Lynn despite the hammering her booze takes when she’s out.

Susannah’s connections in the media get Rose-Lynn a meeting with Radio 2’s Bob Harris who shows what a good DJ he is when he tries to act. He tells Rose-Lynn that she’ll need to write her own songs to be a success, but Rose-Lynn thinks if she can get to Nashville things will all be OK.

Things look up when she wins her appeal against being tagged and Susannah offers to sponsor her trip to the States. Trouble looms however as Susannah’s husband uncovers Rose-Lynn’s past and her ability to screw up every opportunity presented to her looms large. Can she get to Nashville and will this be the key to success that she imagines?

I quite liked this film but it suffered due to Rose-Lynn’s character. I get that she was meant to be a free spirit but her selfishness and rudeness throughout was a turn off for me. I know this was a path to her ultimate redemption but it was cringey to see all the people trying to help her only to be let down by Rose-Lynn’s tunnel vision ambition and lack of empathy. She was well played by Jessie Buckley, who certainly can sing, bit I had no investment in the character who was a serial waster.

It’s probably true that she was just immature but her realisation towards the end about what was important and what was her ultimate redemption seemed totally unearned.

The film was well made with the grimmer sides of Glasgow well realised, as were the more affluent. Mrs Overall did a passable Scottish accent and a few of the Glasgow characters, many of whom were never actors, added a bit of colour and realism.

The endless country ballads were a bit off-putting for me but if you like that sort of music, then is is one for you. The character’s miserable existence sprinkled with some hope for the future was like a 100 minute country song in itself and if that appeals then you, then you should fill your cowboy boots.

Best Bit : Opry Finale  ‘W’ Rating : 14/23

 

No.346 : Women’s Prison Massacre (1983)

 Women's Prison Massacre at the IMDb

The IMDb title page for this film gives it a possessive apostrophe but the poster and title card do not. The original intent may have been for it to be a plural and not a possessive, but it’s probably not important given that the likely viewers of this sleazy trash will be more concerned with the boob quotient rather than correct punctuation. Why can’t we have both though?

This Italian relic dates from 1983 and appears to be part of the ‘Black Emmanuelle’ franchise. This is not explicit however (unlike the film) as although we have the same actress and a character called Emmanuelle, there isn’t any continuity with the previous films…er, as I’ve been led to understand. Maybe they wanted this as a standalone epic or they couldn’t get the rights. Either way it is a terrible exploitation film with blood and boobs served up in equal measure.

The film opens with three ladies delivering monologues to an audience of prisoners. It’s not clear where we are but it looks like it’s meant to be Mexico given the policemen dress like ice cream salesmen. Anyway the play doesn’t go down well, with Emmanuelle getting particularly bad reviews from head bitch Albina, who is possibly so named as she’s a bit pale.

We learn that Emmanuelle has been falsely imprisoned by a corrupt DA who will stop at nothing to silence her. Meanwhile four notorious murders, Led by ‘Crazy Boy’ have been captured. The DA has the great plan to house them at the women’s prison before their executions. It’s not made clear, and it’s certainly not conveyed to the bad guys, but it seems like the DA hopes the baddies will kill Emmanuelle when they inevitably escape. This plan is very weak, mainly because our villains know nothing about it or have anything to gain from it.

The four worst criminals in the country are transported in a single van along some desert back roads. The guards manage to avoid a fake road block when the wise one catches the doppelgangers out, but after a low rent chase the baddies are out and our wise bearded friend is likely to be dead given he's taken a point blank shotgun blast he took to the chest.

Actually he miraculously survives, and our clichéd quartet of baddies, including a sadistic German one, pitch up at the prison and kill all the guards. The police hang back letting each of the men carry out their fantasies against the female prisoners - some of whom are willing, others less so.

Various atrocities take place including a game of Russian roulette, which sees a tin of tomato soup thrown in the lead baddie’s face, before our guys make their break for freedom. They want $5m and a car and are taking Emmanuelle and the lady governor as hostages. Can it end well? Doubtful, given the rest was a load of nonsense!

This was a really tacky film that for some reason Amazon Prime suggested I may be interested in. What a clever algorithm that has detected, through my viewing habits, that I like ‘W’ initialled films. 

You can’t slag this effort off too much, as it pretty much delivers what you’d expect given the title, cast and premise. Emmanuelle was strangely shy in the cut I saw, but the other inmates redressed the balance with several full on displays of love behind bars. The inflatable man wasn’t necessary however.

The dubbing was terrible as was the dialogue - maybe ‘I want to cut your nipples off’ was lost in translation. The plot was wafer thin, but even then it didn’t make sense. The whole plan seemed to be to get some men in a woman’s prison for an hour, have them behave badly, before a shoot out at the end. You can’t say they didn’t deliver on that.

If you seek this film out expecting trashy rubbish with a lot of blood and nudity you won't be disappointed. If you want anything else, then you will be.

Best Bit : Toilet Block Punishment ‘W’ Rating : 11/23

No.83 : Women In Cages (1971)

Women in Cages at the IMDb

‘Women In Cages’ is a hard biting social satire that makes valid socio-political points about the drug trade and the exploitation of women.

Not really.

‘Women in Cages’ is an 1971 exploitation film about a bunch of chicks in a foreign jail and their evil bitch of a matron. The film opens on board a floating brothel, staffed by stereotypes and women with those 1970‘s nipples. In a needlessly elaborate scheme some drugs are passed to Rudy, who turns out to be a real shit. He then takes his American girlfriend, Jeff, to the cock fighting, as you do. The police are however on the case and as they close in Rudy gives Jeff the drugs to hold for him. The authorities give Jeff 10 years in the baddest jail in town and let Rudy off Scot free. Bugger.

Jeff meets the other inmates and it’s good to see hygiene is taken importantly, as the girls are quickly hosed down and deloused. The girls then meet the nasty head matron, Alabama, played by the always foxy Pam Grier. Alabama is a right cow, and takes her pick of the girls for her bedroom and her torture chamber ‘play room‘.

On the outside Rudy is worried that Jeff will talk to the cops, so he enlists her junkie cellmate to do her in with a poisoned ham sandwich. When this fails she uses other tactics but is foiled at every turn. One of Jeff’s other cell mates is enlisted to look after her as the cops thinks she can be turned to testify against Rudy and the syndicate.

With the promised early release not forthcoming Jeff plots the easiest jail break in history and gets out with four other prisoners. For reasons that are unclear, apart from another shirt ripping, they bring Pam along but the notorious trackers are hot on their trail. Can any of the girls survive and will the syndicate be brought to its knees?






This is a pretty crappy film, even given the low standards of the genre. The characters are unbelievable and the acting is deplorable. The dialogue stinks like the prison’s hole with lines like “It’s just like home - only different” peppering the shambolic plot.



Obviously the kind of person who picks ‘Women in Cages’ off the shelf isn't looking for much in the way of stylised drama and at least it delivers on its promise of naked women, lesbian sex and a bit of torture. It’s not very erotic however, and pretty tame by most standards - nothing below the waist please!

The jail break, which is simply going out through the sewers, is a bit easy and the feared trackers look like a bunch of blokes pulled out a Philippino bar for the occasion. Pam Grier shows great promise in an early role, and at least she gets some character development when she sees the horrors she used to inflict on others when the tables are turned.

The lead is devoid of personality however, and fails to register any emotions even when the most heinous outrages are inflicted upon her. She is also totally dumb and her relationship with the swarthy boyfriend doesn’t ring true. Still the nits I pick are hardly the kind that would concern the producers of this type of rubbish. A grubby distraction that should be put away for a few years itself.


Best Bit : Pam gets a massage


‘W’ Rating : 8/23