No. 120 : Wild Child (2008)

Wild Child at the IMDb

We recently had a look at the teen girl coming of age in merrie olde England comedy ‘What a Girl Wants’ and deemed it acceptable. ‘Wild Child’ uses the same formula but to a lesser effect, so much so that it leaves a sour taste rather than some soppy but heart-warming feel goodness, which let’s face it, we’re all after.

The titular child is Poppy played by Emma Roberts whose subsequent credits include canine boarding caper ‘Hotel for Dogs’. She is a spoiled Malibu princess who responds to her Dad’s new girlfriend moving in by giving away all of step mom’s clothes - thought Dad would be quite happy with that! This being the last of several straws he resolves to send her to the boarding school in England, where her late mother went, to straighten her out.

The predictable fish out of water scenario is then played out as she shows up with her sun glasses and fancier mobile phone. The fact that she’s materialistic is laid on with a trowel - remember that later cliché fans - she may have a choice to make! She immediately falls foul of the school bully and of her room mates after she earns them all a detention from Shirley Henderson’s shameful Scottish matron.

Desperate to get home Poppy decides the only way to get out of the school is to be expelled and various mild shenanigans follow. Just as her exploits are having the desired effect she falls for the Head’s sexy son and realises that her room mates are all nice and there is more to life than stuff. Fate takes a hand however when after failing to log out of her e-mail a bad person uses the account to send mischief. Things come to a head when a fire possibly caused by Poppy threatens the school and only her former friends can save her from the inquisition that follows.

In some ways this film is better than ‘What a Girl Wants’ in that the British aren’t made out to be backwards weirdoes and Prince Charles isn’t on hand. What is lacks however is any form of sympathy for the lead, who rather than ‘Wild’ appears to be whiney and annoying. The road to Damascus style conversion is awfully handled with the loaning of a jumper the catalyst for total character rebuilding.

The lead is dreadful and loses any school girl foxiness when she takes out the blonde hair dye and goes mousey brown. It shouldn’t be a surprise that the American character holds all others in awe but it is unusual that the Malibu princess is the best lacrosse player in the country and has the personality to ignite an ‘I’m Spartacus’ style uprising at the student council, which bizarrely has the power to decide fire raising claims.

It’s sad to note that this rubbish was the last film of Natasha Richardson who plays the firm but fair head in a role which has ‘where’s the pay cheque?’ written all over it. Elsewhere you also get a pikey looking Daisy Donovan as a sports teacher and a cringe worthy Nick Frost as a gay hairdresser.

An absolute shocker with nothing to recommend it.

Best Bit : Uh, let’s say the lacrosse final, but even that’s poorly staged and predictable.
‘W’ Rating : 4/23

No. 119 : What A Girl Wants (2003)

What a Girl Wants at the IMDb

Here’s another film where it’s tough to criticise effectively given that I’m not in the target demographic of screaming teens or dirty old men. I may be old but I shower once a week whether I need it or not.

The film is an adaptation of an 1958 play which itself seems to have ripped off ‘Cinderella’ somewhat. Teen sensation Amanda Bynes, whom I only know as the thick one out of ‘Hairspray’, stars as Daphne who lives in Chinatown for some unknown reason, with her hippy Mother. The pair work weddings as singer and waitress respectively and Daphne is always sad when the father/daughter dance takes place as she never knew her Dad.

We learn in flashback that her parents met on a hippy odyssey in Morocco and got married by some Bedouin tribesmen. Her Dad, played by Colin Firth in his usual awkward English style, is a lord and his stuffy family don’t take too kindly to his choice of bride and she is soon sent away by the scheming aide Jonathan Pryce. Both mistakenly thought the other wanted out and although she’s pregnant Mum goes along with the separation without telling of the impending birth. I think I’d have sought some one on one confirmation before heading off but I never could take a hint

Years later, with Daphne now a teenager, she decides to go and find her dad who has renounced his title and is now standing for public election. He still has Pryce on the staff and is engaged to the one who Hugh Grant dumped at the alter in ‘Four Weddings and a Funeral’. The pushy bride and her daughter are social climbers who’ll trample over anyone to get in the society pages. Meanwhile Daphne has arrived in the Hollywood version of London, complete with its red buses and people talking about ‘the dog and bone’. Credibility is stretched somewhat when someone comes out of the toilet saying ‘Loo’s free’ only to be asked ‘Who’s Lou?’.

She stays at a grubby hotel which is fortunately run by a young hunk who has jobs conveniently placed all over the movie from valet parker to coming out gala singer. This role is taken by Oliver James and he does a better job here than in recent ‘W’ outing ‘Without a Paddle : Nature’s Calling’. After meeting Dad, Daphne is invited to stay at his mansion and enjoy some of the social whirl, while also being ineffectively sabotaged by the evil step mother and her daughter.

After generally charming everyone and having her own party, which is attended by The Queen no less, Daphne decides the backstabbing, social climbing world isn’t for her. Her dad meanwhile learns of his aide’s treachery and the generally bitchiness of his fiancé. Will he stick with his rigid position to maintain his family’s standing and win the election or will he bugger off to America to be with his sassy daughter and never been touched since hippy girlfriend? Two guesses allowed!

I quite enjoyed this film despite its predicable coming of age and knowing what really is of value in life credentials. Bynes is likable in the lead but I could of done with less pratfalls and outfit changes - all of which are no doubt available on her own label. Her romance was unconvincing as was her decision to ‘play the game’ and get all stuffy for five minutes. Firth was so stiff he could of done with a coat of varnish but his man trapped in a position role was thinly written. We knew he was a cool dude when he ate Coco Pops - yeah radical!

The nasty aide and step mom were never fully ‘Boo Hiss’ bad and the saccharine laced old wise mother was a cliché too far. There were a few laughs however and the fast paced feel good nature of the film makes it hard to hate. I liked the Queen and Prince Charles showing up as well as plenty of ‘C’ list British talent filling out the minor roles. It also closed with a ‘what happened next’ section which I always enjoy.

By no means a classic but no swearing, nudity or violence and lots of tight tops adds up to a wholesome and somewhat rewarding guilty pleasure.

Best Bit : Prince Charles’ Royal Dress Show
‘W’ Rating 15/23

No. 118 : What’s New Pussycat? (1965)

What's New Pussycat? at the IMDb

Here’s a film that looks a cracker but turns out to be a lot of self indulgent twaddle. We open with Peter Sellers running about doing a funny German accent and acting all manic. Not promising. We learn that he’s a psychologist and his next patient is Peter O’Toole who has a messy love life.

Peter’s girlfriend wants to settle down and, although he loves her, he can’t resist the allure of all the ladies. He works with gaggles of beautiful woman as an editor on a Paris fashion magazine and can’t help himself from sampling the goods, so to speak. Sellers is in no state to offer advice due to his own domestic problems and resolves to follow his patient to get a low down on his techniques.

Elsewhere Woody Allen is in town, playing himself as usual, this time masquerading as a dresser at a strip show. “20 Francs a week isn’t much but it’s all I can afford to pay” he muses in one of the better lines. As we tour Peter’s hedonistic life we start to lose all empathy for him as he seems a right moaning git - if it’s so bad I’ll swap places right now!

The film is not so much about his journey of self discovery rather than a decadent trip through the lives of the rich and famous. This empty experience is punctured somewhat by the group therapy sessions, but as all the other patients are fat and ugly we are encouraged not to care about them and laugh at their unattractiveness.

Peppered throughout the film are various star turns such as Richard Burton and Ursula Andress, cashing in on her Bond fame once again, but these are pretty pointless and add only to the film’s air of fantasy and vapidness. It may be a sixties thing, and it may be great with pots of drugs on hand, but for me Sellers and O’Toole talking a lot of bollocks while pulling birds and wearing velvet suits isn’t an ideal viewing experience.

No real effort is made at redemption and no insights are offered into the human condition. Instead we get protracted scenes of fashionable lovelies fawning over O’Toole and telling him he’s beautiful. Nice work if you can get it, but it’s tiresome from the off and it just trails off from there.

Much of the dialogue is screamed out with even the lowest volume setting unbearable. Add to this a druggy hippy soundtrack and you get a downright unpleasant experience that I gave up on after an hour. I will never know if Peter and Peter found true love and happiness, but frankly I couldn’t care less

Best Bit : Sexy lady fantasy
‘W’ Rating : 7/23

No. 117 : Wish You Were Here (1987)

Wish You Were Here at the IMDb

In an English sea side town in the 1950’s there’s not a lot to do, well unless you look like Emily Lloyd! The film opens with the iconic scene of Emily riding her bike around town with her skirt tucked into her knickers. Given her carefree and happy demeanour you’d be forgiven for thinking the title is an inspirational one but it’s not, for grim times lie ahead.

The film was originally intended to be Cynthia Payne’s childhood but it soon outgrew that restraint and with Cynthia renamed Linda the director was free to open her up to all manner of experiences.

At 16 Linda is just blossoming into womanhood. A local lad takes her to the flicks but he’s a bit slow and is soon replaced with Marcus Tandy out of the bus garage. Despite his worldly ways he’s a bit of a letdown in the sack and she’s soon off looking for more fresh meat.

Juxtaposed against her free spirited ways are the grim scenes with her family and most notably her Dad. Dad is a social climber and his daughter’s hijinx cause him no end of grief. After getting her jobs at the bus depot and chip van he loses his rag and takes her to see a psychiatrist who feels the loss of her mother may have given her issues. It’s hard to argue especially as she’s in the background while the prognosis is being given flashing her knickers.

Soon Linda is getting it on with her father’s bookie Tom Bell who soon knocks her up condemning Linda to a seemingly bleak future. After being sent away to have the child we have to wonder if she’ll manage to grow up and make the best of her situation.

This is a really enjoyable slice of life with a cracking lead performance from Emily Lloyd. Daughter of Trigger, she does well as a 16 year old flirting like mad and spouting some earthy dialogue. The grim situations and social hypocrisies are well counterpointed with some great comedic scenes that propelled ‘Up yer bum’ into the national vernacular.

The supporting cast are excellent, from her straight laced and easily embarrassed father to Tom Bell as the sleazy bookie. Lloyd does great to tread the thin line between mental and annoying and sexy and unsettling. The film ends on a largely optimistic note and given how much we’ve invested in the charater you’d hope so. It’s a shame that Lloyd didn’t go onto better things but at least she did more fine ‘W’ work in the soon to be reviewed ‘When Saturday Comes’.

Best Bit : Tea room showdown
‘W’ Rating : 18/23

No. 116 : Walled In (2009)

Walled in at the IMDb

Here’s a nice happy tale that opens with a small child waking in a confined space before being drowned in concrete. Lovely, heart warming stuff. The credits follow straight away and by using a familiar montage of newspaper cuttings we learn that a serial killer is at large after killing 16 people by, you’ve guessed it, walling them in.

We cut to 15 years later and a pretty young demolition expert (is there any other kind?) gets the offer of a partnership in the family firm if she can raze a building that we know but she doesn’t was the walling in house. Strange that such an infamous case passed her by, but pretty soon she’s on site taking notes and readying the place for demolition. Here she meets the widow of one of the victims who now acts as caretaker and her troubled son, the creepy kid out of ‘Birth’.

We learn that the ugly building in the middle of nowhere has 200 apartments, four of which are still occupied. The eighth floor where the murders took place is out of bounds as is the roof, so no guesses where the next ports of call are. The boy takes a shine to our demolition specialist and he grants her access to various secret passages and steals her books from a cranky old woman which once belonged the building’s now presumed dead creator.

As she completes her survey she finds that a lot of space is missing and learns that a central area has been secretly sealed off for dubious purposes. With her anonymous boyfriend now on the scene the pair resolve to find out the secrets of the building and of the murders which may not be as solved as we were lead to believe.

I enjoyed the first hour of this film but my interest quickly waned when the boy friend appeared and the ‘surprise’ was revealed. To be honest when the flying headline said ‘Architect Dead; Factory Worker Suspected and On Run’ I though ‘hmm wonder if he faked it’. I won’t give the shock away, but he did.

The building was well realised and it was a bit like the Architectural Digest version of the ‘Saw’ films. It did however lack the inventiveness of that franchise and for the last half hour it looked like it was being made up on the hoof. The dead eyed boy was an obvious candidate for the crimes but I certainly didn’t forsee the unbelievable contents of the pit or the mad ramblings of its inhabitant.

There were a couple of decent bits but points were lost for the dreaded shock - it’s a dream - shock - oh wait it’s a dream within a dream - wake up. Fool me once shame on me fool me twice get a new cliché. Mischa Barton was OK in the lead but not entirely convincing as a demolition expert given her ‘The O.C’ credentials. She was certainly better than the boyfriend who may as well have has a black spot on his head when he showed up although he did last two minutes longer than I expected.

All in all it’s a pretty competently made thriller but it lacked any real horror, shocks or suspense; so unless you are walled into a small space yourself with only this DVD for company, I wouldn’t bother.

Best Bit : Bath Time

‘W’ Rating 11/23

No. 115 : Wimbledon (2004)

Wimbledon at the IMDb

We may be in the middle of clay court season but there’s always time for a good old British under dog rom-com. Paul Bettany takes on the Hugh Grant role as the soppy Brit taken out of his comfort zone by a sassy American. Bettany plays Peter Colt the World ranked 110 player who once was 11th but now tumbling down the pecking order. He’s considering taking on a job at Citizen Smith’s country club and a wild card at Wimbledon means he has a chance to close out his career at the grand slam.

A cock up at the Dorchester sees him going to the room of young American star Lizzy Bradbury and catching her in the shower. After doing the English twit routine he resolves to enjoy his final tournament with the indifferent support of his dad Yosser Hughes and brother James McAvoy out of ‘Wanted’. His first round against an Indian up and comer goes well after our man is reinvigorated after a rendezvous with Lizzy.

As the tournament progresses Peter finds renewed spirit as the romance blossoms. There are of course bumps in the road with Sam Neil’s over protective Dad and Jon Favereau’s pushy agent offering mild concerns. With Lizzy’s game suffering and Peter on the ascendancy we have to guess whether the underdog will win the title, the girl or both. Yes, wonder.

A film like this is pretty much immune to criticism. Any tennis fan will pick nits through the ludicrous tournament progression and wonder why a British player in the semi finals is relegated to an outside court. The actual tennis action is OK and wisely kept to a minimum. The shots are rarely classics with a lot more players than you’d expect falling over and missing easy running passes.

Bettany is likable in the lead but doesn’t impress as a champion tennis player or as the all conquering swordsman. Kirsten Dunst is better as Lizzy but she must be the oldest Wimbledon debutant in history. She’s a bit too good goody as the spoiled brat, but that role didn’t suit her in the first place. The pair don’t convince as a couple but when Kirsten gets down to her skimpies I found that I didn’t really care.

On the home front the family are largely superfluous with the parents romance being rekindled by the tournament run pretty unconvincing. In an early role for McAvoy he gets little to do as the gambling brother soon to see the light.

We all love an underdog and while the journey is pretty far fetched stranger things have happened. Not many but maybe the odd one. With a Brit doing the business at Wimbledon and a ginger bloke pulling a Yank hottie we know it’s a work of fiction but it’s an inoffensive and mildly amusing distraction.

Wait, better end on a tennis metaphor…it’s smash hit. Well a service hold late in the first set at any rate.

Best Bit : Kirsten takes a shower
‘W’ Rating : 14/23

No. 114 : Who Killed The Electric Car? (2006)

Who Killed the Electric Car at the IMDb

Together with entertaining, the point of a documentary has to be informing and educating its audience. If you asked any person the question posed in the film’s title they’d no doubt reply ‘oil companies?’ - and guess what - you’d be right! As an exercise in the bleedin’ obvious the film does well, but less so when the criteria is to be enlightening and informative.

When the credits show that Martin Sheen is doing the narration and that Ed Begley Jnr. is a contributor you have a good idea where the film’s leanings lie and your instinct would be correct. It’s well enough made and it keeps its sound bites short while peppering the film with interesting facts and graphics. What is also does however is give you the sense that you’re being lectured and that the conclusions were drawn long before the first camera rolled.

The arguments presented are pretty damning with the electric car seemingly killed off despite its magical abilities. Of course the oil companies and the car manufacturers are interested in making money and it is hardly surprising that they did what they could to throw a spanner in the works. With the technology more or less proven the oil industry lost interest as they still have 30 years of supplies to flog. The car makers lose out on the lucrative servicing of the dirty gas guzzlers so they have an obvious interest in the status quo.

So that fair enough then, we are in a capitalist economy and the corporations should be free to do as they please as long as it’s legal. Not so, as this film gleefully shows with endless small groups of hippy types blockading car storage facilities and boo-hooing over the crushing of their beloved, but short range cars. All the usual suspects are trotted out with the self righteousness of some of the output strong enough to power a small nation.

There were a few interesting snippets and I was at least glad to see that technology exists that will serve us when the oil goes. For now the government is in the pocket of the oil companies and the wars in the gulf keep industry turning and the backhanders rolling in. It’s clearly not right but that’s how it is and nothing short of a revolution will stop that. Well a revolution or staging a tacky mock funeral for an ugly car at a cemetery.

The film is OK as a naive distraction but if they think anything will be changed by stating the obvious or staging cheap stunts they have to be as mental as the chap who clearly enjoys sticking more than his charger into his boxy car!

Best Bit : Mel Gibson’s beard
‘W’ Rating 11/23