No. 113 : Weapons (2007)

Weapons at the IMDb

If you think society is on a downward spiral don’t watch ‘Weapons’ as it’ll have you jumping off a bridge. This is a nasty film with brutal murders and a general nihilistic vibe.

The film opens promisingly with long shot of a juicy burger which is then picked up by a man who seems to be enjoying it. But wait! As often happens someone appears behind him and blows his head off with a shot gun. This scene was really well done and the special effects are great even in super slow motion, but it is really shocking and sets a tone that prevails throughout the film.

The film is like ‘Pulp Fiction’ in that we get several interwoven stories with events seen at different times and from differing perspectives. Of course it culminates with us arriving back at the burger bar to find out why the man’s dinner was so rudely interrupted 80 minutes earlier.

We meet various stoner losers who drink red juice and worry about who may have been disrespecting them. One chap straight out of juvie heads over to the basketball court to shoot someone but as he isn’t about he has a game only for one of his pals to be shot in an unrelated attack. We learn this shooting was over someone’s sister who may have been raped and we flashback to a party to see what transpired there.

The film is well made and the performances are uniformly good but I just couldn’t care about any of them. The characters are all awful people who smoke dope and listen to rap music that sounds like its escaped from Satan’s arse. There is the obvious metaphor in place that not all weapons are of the shot gun variety and gossip and backstabbing can be just as lethal - as can fire extinguishers which was demonstrated in one eye watering scene.

Of the cast the only name I knew was Paul Dano who was the preacher in ‘There will be Blood’ and the mute in ‘Little Miss Sunshine’. He had the best role as the needy perv with the video camera but he didn’t fully convince as a bad boy in a crowd of low life scum bags.

It’s not a film I disliked but I’d be reluctant to recommend it given that it’s so nasty and depressing.

Best Bit : Are you going to eat those fries?
‘W’ Rating 13/23

No. 113 : Without A Clue (1988)

Without a Clue at the IMDb

This film opens with Sherlock Holmes apprehending a gang of thieves using his customary wit and a bit of derring do - but things are not all they seem. Once the police and press have gone home from fawning over the master detective he gets yelled at by his assistant, Dr Watson.

Dr Watson, it transpires, is the brains of the outfit and Sherlock Holmes is a character he’s created for his mystery stories, who is played by an unemployed actor. Watson is annoyed that his creation hogs the limelight and he gets no joy when he asks his publisher to let him take centre stage as ‘The Doctor Detective’.

With their relationship broken down Holmes (an excellent Michael Caine) hits the bottle and chases the ladies but soon runs out of cash. Watson on the other hand is threatened with breach of contract by his publisher (Peter Cook) and charged by the Queen herself to investigate the theft of some printing blocks which could ruin the Empire through counterfeit cash.

The duo reluctantly team up and are soon visited by the lovely Lysette Anthony who says her printer father has been abducted. This together with some imported ink and a fire at a paper factory suggest large scale forging is underway and the only man capable of such a neferious feat is the evil Dr Moriarty.

During a shoot out at the docks Watson is seemingly killed it’s up to the hapless Holmes to solve the case with only the help of his landlady and lovely Lynette. With the baddies traced to an old theatre Holmes has to rely on his actor’s training rather than his wits to save the day.

I really enjoyed this film despite it’s pretty straightforward plot and slap stick gags. Michael Caine does a great old soak and Ben Kingsley offers a good counterpoint as the undervalued Watson. The production is sumptuous throughout with Victorian London looking marvellous, replete with urchins and gas lamps.

Of the second string I was a bit disappointed in the usually reliable Jeffrey ‘Beuller’ Jones as Inspector LeStrade whose voice seemed badly dubbed. Maybe his 'gor blimey' accent didn’t cut the mustard but it was distracting nonetheless. Lysette Anthony did her usual posh bird bit and she certainly offered few surprises when her character’s motivations were revealed - nice stockings though!

Despite a few throat slashings this is good family fayre with no sex or swearing. Normally that’d put me off but there is a lot to like in this film with great performances from the two leads and a reasonable sprinkling of laughs throughout.

Best Bit : The mystery of the ass grabber is solved
‘W’ Rating 17/23

No. 112 : What’s Up, Tiger Lily? (1966)

What's Up, Tiger Lily at the IMDb

Here’s a bit of an oddity from the early career of Woody Allen. The film is almost all a Japanese spy thriller which has been re-dubbed by Allen and others for humorous effect. If that sounds a bit cheap, it is but I certainly had more laughs watching this than I do when I watch most modern films, Allen’s included.

The film opens with a host who briefly introduces Woody and gives us an idea of what to expect. Allen is deadpan throughout and says little, but that was pretty much his shtick then as it is now.

The film is a pretty short 80 minutes and there is a good bit of padding included in that run time. For no apparent reason The Lovin’ Spoonful contribute a couple of song and although they are fine they add nothing to the film and hinder the little narrative flow that there is. According to the IMDb the studio wanted the hour long film boosted to ‘feature’ length so that explains it, but doesn’t excuse it.

The opening scene of the Japanese film is something of a disappointment as it happens in a strip club with all the dancing lady’s interesting bits obscured by text. It’s a couple of minutes before a line is spoken and it seems a waste to start on such a weak gag.

The film is so slow to get going that I almost baled out after ten minutes but things soon pick up once the plot is revealed. Our hero is a spy charged with locating a secret recipe for egg salad. All elements of the underworld are after it too and there are endless shootouts and double crosses. Given that the script has been thrown out it’s hard to work out what’s happening and this is acknowledged half way in when we cut back to the host who asks Allen for a plot summary only to be curtly refused.

The spy film seems pretty high budget and there are some impressive actions sequences and lots of lovely oriental ladies, something that Woody himself revealed a taste for later in life! The gags are all of the same toilet humour variety with idiotic announcements and out bursts of song filling the run time. Other gags include rewinding the film, causing a gang of men to jump of a boat when a mouse is spotted and having an eye test run alongside a stripping lady lest you be looking at the wrong thing.

In truth the film is a bit of a hotch potch but there are enough laughs and eye candy to justify a viewing . I’m only glad this cheap genre never fully took off, well until YouTube of course - have you seen the re-dubbed Hitler being told his X-Box is broken? Classic!

Best Bit : Sexy Grid Iron Team Go Into Battle
‘W’ Rating 15/23

No. 111 : While You Were Sleeping (1995)

While You Were Sleeping at the IMDb

This is one of the better known ‘W’ movie but also one that I’ve avoided as the whole set up seems a bit creepy and predictable.

Sandra Bullock plays Lucy a lonely ticket seller on the Chicago subway system. She fantasises about a hunky commuter but misses the chance to chat him up when he passes through on Christmas day. Happily crime doesn’t sleep and he gets a kicking on the platform and thrown onto the track. Lucy (Sandra) manages to save his life but fortunately for the script he’s fallen into a coma.

At the hospital a nurse hears Lucy talking about the victim to herself and takes her crazed talk of marriage as fact. She announces this to the gathered family and Lucy plays along, lest the mother get a heart attack. Things get more complicated when a wise old relative overhears the truth and when the hunky Bill Pullman shows up, disbelieving that his brother could be so headstrong as to get engaged without telling the family.

The family rally round and after a few gatherings they all love Lucy and sparks starts to fly with Bill. After an hour the coma victim wakes up and, happy at his second chance at life offers to marry Lucy, who agrees despite her feelings for Bills.

As the predictable climax approaches (see the poster!) we have to wonder if Lucy will choose the right man and find happiness. No spoilers required - you know!

I really didn’t enjoy this film at all. It didn’t ring true for a moment and the characters from the savvy old relative to the wise and kindly black supervisor were such clichés. The plot never took an unexpected turn with things panning out as I, and probably everyone else, thought from the start. The family were unbelievably accepting of the cuckoo in their nest and even after the big reveal they were quite happy to have been taken for suckers.

Obviously I’m not the target for this chick flick nonsense but they could have shown an ounce of respect for the audience by not stampings the cookie cutter quite so exactly. The mawkish voice over will make you cringe as will the sweeping power ballads. In mitigation there were exactly two sniggers and I quite liked the Italian neighbour's son who had the hots for Sandra. In truth she does look pretty good but given she plays a mental stalker I think most wise men would steer well clear of her, and indeed of the film.

Best Bit : Wedding Objections mount up
‘W’ Rating 9/23

No. 110 : Welcome to the Sticks (2008)

Welcome to the Sticks at the IMDb

With stamps going up a massive three pence recently the postal service needs a public relations makeover and it arrives quicker than Parcel Force in the shape of this French comedy.

At first glace the film is a bit of a hard sell dealing as it does with the differing perceptions of southern French people of their northern cousins. Many of the jokes are based on the nuances of language and behaviour and for an outsider looking in it could be seen as an unappealing prospect. The ‘W’ quest however comes up trumps again and a film I wouldn’t normally have sought out turned out to be a real gem.

The film opens with a hen pecked French postal manager being bullied into applying for a plum position at a sea side post office. Although he has a nice life in the south his pushy wife insists that the new job should be won by fair means or foul. After jumping the queue by faking a disability our man is found out and to his horror he is punished with a transfer to the north.

His wife refuses to join him on the two year assignment and everyone is sympathetic as they all know that the northern French are a bunch of drunken barbarians. He is even let off for driving too slowly on the motorway when he tells the policeman of his destination. His worst fears are soon realised when he gets to his empty apartment and the few locals he meets are drunk or unintelligible.

Things quickly change however when our man embraces new things such as the Chip van and the football. His staff turn out to be a stand up bunch and after furnishing his flat they take him out drinking with the locals. So much fun is had that he’s reluctant to return to his wife and when the weekend is over he is stopped by the same motorcycle cop, only this time for speeding to his destination.

As he settles into the job he learns of the tangles love lives of his staff and resolves to help them as they have him. Trouble looms however when the wife decides to visit and the staff resolve to scare her off by acting to the stereotypes he perceives about them.

With the north declared not as bad as first thought our hero must decide whether he loves his new life or his wife more and can the two be rationalised?

This is a really enjoyable film that is funny and heart warming throughout. It is little surprise to learn that it enjoyed France’s biggest box office take ever as they must have lapped up the ridiculous notions they have about each other being exposed for the stereotypes they are. Many of the jokes went over my head with the subtitles sometimes reading ‘no translation possible’ when some regional dialect pun is made. It’s easy to overlook this however as the warm and joyous nature of the film would gladden the stoniest of hearts.

Best Bit : The boss shows how deliveries should be done

‘W’ Rating 20/23

No. 109 : White Men Can’t Jump (1992)

White Men Can't Jump at the IMDb


This is another well known ‘W’ film that I was slow to get around to as the subject matter didn’t appeal. Basketball, buddy comedies and da hood are never popular with me but I enjoyed this more than expected.

Woody Harrelson plays Billy Hoyle a disgraced ex-basketball pro who now tries to hustle a few bucks playing the hoops. He’s basically a prototype Roy Munson who would follow in ‘Kingpin’ in just five years time. Woody’s first score involves taking $60 off Wesley Snipes’ character who thought he was the one doing the hustling.

Being impressed at the new talent Wesley suggests the pair team up using the black mens’ misconception that ‘white men can’t jump’ to relieve them of their cash. Things go well with a few small scores but when a big one goes wrong Billy finds out that Snipes wasn’t on his team after all. With a fall out averted by the intervention of their ladies the guys agree to team up for the city two man basketball tournament which they win. With things looking good the pair’s rivalry surfaces again with Wesley taking all the prize cash after a rash bet.

On the home front things are looking shaky with Woody’s wife Rosie Perez having a secret drinking problem as well as an ambition to get on the TV show ‘Jeopardy’. Elsewhere gangsters are after Woody for the loses incurred when he failed to throw a big match and Wesley’s wife needs to move out of the crime ridden neighbourhood.

With these tangled threads coming together the guys agree to team up once more to take on their biggest rivals in a big cash game

I enjoyed the first hour of this film quite a lot but my interest tapered off rapidly and by the end I was glad to see it end. The two leads do a good job as the squabbling no hopers but after a while their constant bickering becomes grating. Woody is especially annoying for an extended scene where he goads rival players into playing badly. The hoops action is well done and seems authentic but it’s hard to hang a 100 minute movie on a few three pointers.

Rosie Perez does ok as the drunk wannabe game show star but it’s hard too see what Woody sees in her constant carping and shouting. The ‘buddy’ aspect is well done and it’s easy to see why the pair were teamed up again as different characters in the less successful ‘Money Train’.

I’m sure this film has a cult following in the basketball and jive talkin’ communities but alas it doesn’t offer enough for me to sign up to either cause. Worth a look but it’s more off the back board than a slam dunk.

Best Bit : Rosie gets in Jeopardy
‘W’ Rating 12/13

No. 108 : Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Wet Hot American Summer at the IMDb

Here’s a ‘W’ branded fish that jumped into my boat so to speak. Despite a stellar cast I’d never heard of this 2001 comedy before it was listed on the Onion AV Club’s ‘Worst baby sitter list’. I’m surprised that it doesn’t enjoy a higher profile given its cast and off beat humour but hopefully this review, on the always popular 100 ‘W’ movies list, will give it the boost needed to escape its relative obscurity. Well failure loves company so I’m sure we’ll get along just fine!

The film takes place over the last day of summer for summer camp Firewood. The counsellors are your usual bunch of nerds, jocks and horny teens with the campers being the required virgins, losers and show offs. From this predictable starting point things are skewed from the off with every preconceived notion addressed and quickly dispelled.

The slice of life approach denies the film much characterisation but you get plenty of funny scenes were a set up is taken apart with some unexpected mirth. For example a coach gives the rag tag camp baseball team a stirring speech before they concede the game as being pointless given the well drilled and equipped opponents who show up. Similarly a pair of councillors who are discovered to be gay are gifted a nice chaise longe rather than get the predictable baiting.

If these set ‘em up and then wrong foot you scenarios sound a bit right on you could be right and to be honest the film gets a bit predictable in its unpredictability. That said there are still some funny scenes including a couple where a negligent councillor brutally kills the witnesses to wrongful deaths that occurred while he was making out with chicks.

The cast of this 2001 film were largely unknown but today this would be a major release. For your money you get Niles Crane, Brian Fontana (Anchorman), Elizabeth Banks (Knocked Up), Janeane Garofalo (Mystery Men) and Amy Poehler (Blades of Glory). Most only have small parts but they all add up to a decent ensemble piece that deconstructs one of those American institutions, like the prom and the make out party, that we Brits can only dream about.

The film has a wafer thin plot about a piece of Skylab hitting the camp talent show but basically it is a series of sketches demonstrating how mental and horny everyone is. My favourites were the randy chef who takes advice from a tin of vegetables before making love to a fridge and Fantana’s sex mad and murderous councillor.

The film is a bit uneven and you have no empathy for any of the characters at all but it does generate a few laughs and is at least a bit different and subversive.


Best Bit : Witness Disposal
‘W’ Rating : 16/23