Witless Protection at the IMDb
Jeez, the things I have to watch to keep this challenge in motion. ‘Witless Protection’ fully deserves its place in the IMDb’s worst 100, but I must confess that I did smile at least twice.
Larry the Cable Guy plays Larry (Duh!) a small town sheriff’s deputy. He aspires to greater things and is self training to become an FBI agent using a video tape and a home made gym. His girlfriend, who is infeasibly played by Jenny McCarthy, doesn't agree with his dangerous career change but when a case falls into his lap Larry grabs the opportunity.
When Larry spots a witness being escorted by four FBI agents he notices some procedural inaccuracies from his video and decides that they are bogus. He grabs the witness and the pair then head across country with the baddies in hot pursuit. The witness, a sausage heiress, obviously dislikes the boorish Larry from the off, but over time they bond as Larry’s true qualities shine through.
The witness has evidence regarding corruption at the sausage firm but as some pieces are missing and a dangerous mission into enemy territory is needed. Can Larry jump through the fatuous hoops necessary to get the girl and evidence to court in time and will his FBI dreams be realised?
You have to hope that this film with its farts and puking gags is aimed at 12 years olds but seeing as it also is full of racial and sexist abuse you’d kinda hope it wasn’t. Lead Larry is an odious character who intimated Asian hotel clerks with Guantanimo threats and then projectile vomits to find a key. Of course we know he’s lovely and decent but he can’t help but look like a bigoted, red-neck prick.
The script is really awful with ‘gags’ like “we’re a team, t-e-e-m -team” and various other misunderstandings for humourless consequences. The set up, that sees an odd couple allied with a fish out of water scenario, is lazy trash and clearly just a device to transport us to the next big fart.
The film does have a decent cast with Katanga out of ‘Live and Let Die’ as the crooked agent and the usually good Peter Stomare (Fargo) as an English polo playing gent who gets a face full of horse shit. He must have had a tax bill. You also get the aforementioned Jenny who is looking a bit rough and the always terrible Eric Roberts (except in ‘Best of the Best 2’).
There are no real surprises at all, and you could miss the middle 90 minutes and still know what’s happening in the last five. I did snigger at the over zealous airport guard and the trade off DVD reveal, but only because the gags were so predictable and overdone. Honest, it’s low brow rubbish. Snigger, Billy Ray Cirus, hee-hee…
Best Bit “ I suggest you take off your boots…”
‘W’ Score 6/23
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