No.345 : We Belong Together (2018)

We Belong Together at the IMDb

Fatal Attraction rehash time now, as a recently sober college professor makes the mistake of falling for a student who happens to be a mentalist.

We meet our hero Thomas as he’s being awarded his 90 day chip at his AA meeting. We learn that his drinking caused him to separate from his wife and children but his new found sobriety has opened up the prospect of a reconciliation. He is allowed access to his kids and is slowly winning back his wife who has now moved in with her mother.

Trouble is just around the corner however in the shape of Tracy, a 26 year old stunner with a military background who has signed up for his classes. He finds her a job in a diner and is soon subject to some pretty full on flirting from his sexy student. An early chat is interrupted by his assistant but she is soon beaten up and chucked over a balcony by a mystery assailant - could it be our mad stalker?

Thomas tries to act all professional but quickly folds when Tracy shows him her bra. The pair then have a really tame sex montage with Tracy keeping the sheets tightly wrapped to her body. Maybe she has a big mole or they’re after a PG rating?

Anyway, Thomas tries to make inroads with his family whilst being increasingly alarmed by his new squeeze’s behaviour. Is she nuts and the killer or is that just what they want us to think? Details of a troubled past are sprinkled liberally about with her character not being developed as much as it is exploded like a Claymore mine. She undoes our man’s sobriety and gets off her meds - we know this isn’t going to end well. Well, it didn’t start well so that’s a fair assumption.

Given the title of the film it’s not hard to guess that we are dealing with an obsessive here - but is it the one we think or is she a victim herself of PTSD and of lazy writing? Dreya Michele wasn’t convincing in the lead and seemed a bit shy for a supposed sexual psycho predator. She is attractive but didn’t convince as a 26 year old - she was 33 at the time of filming. The levels of obsession and nuttiness were well done with every man no doubt flinching each time Thomas got a raft of increasingly manic voicemails.

Soon the ex-wife is injured in an off screen accident and in a coma - who could be causing all of this misfortune to the women in Thomas’ life? It can’t be that obvious, can it? Thomas tries to end the relationship and after an hour we hear the title of the film. How far will the obsession go and who will survive the fallout?

This was a decent offering but it was very by the numbers. From the off we knew the girlfriend was going to be crazy and she was. I was hoping for a bit of misdirection or even a small wrong foot but instead the film went from A to B to C without even a sideways glance.

I didn’t have much invested in the pissed up professor and his troubled times were more funny and inevitable than concerning. It was the standard ‘led by his dick’ male getting his comeuppance with little added in the way of colour or invention. As Thomas’ life fell apart we were meant to marvel at the elaborate scheming in play but it really was just a mad woman behaving badly before her inevitable demise so all the men can return to Tinder without worrying of the consequences. Apart from VD.

The film was 80 minutes and well enough made and paced that it never became an unwelcome distraction, but overall there isn’t anything you haven’t seen before and done better. The finale does leave open the possibility of a sequel so maybe don’t open that Bumble app just yet.

Best Bit : I’ve got a surprise for you! ‘W’ Rating 13/23

 

No.246 : W.M.D (2013)

W.M.D. at the IMDb

You won’t of heard of this film, and I bet it doesn’t grace the C.V.s of its principals, but it’s out there and I sat through the whole 80 crappy minutes of it.

The film opens with a trio of soldiers walking is a desert which is supposed to be Iraq but looks suspiciously like California. One of them steps on a mine and after five minutes of chat they engineer a way to free him without the device going off. This scene has nothing to do with the rest of the film so it must have been shot to bump up the film’s run time or to show why our men may be damaged having served in a war zone. Or maybe they found an extra $5 in the budget and fancied a day out?

Anyway the film proper opens at a Baghdad military base on Thanksgiving, where the President is coming to visit. He isn’t named but he is dressed up like George W. Bush and references are made to his father also being President so if it’s not him it’s a pretty unoriginal new character!

The President makes a few glib jokes before a soldier pulls a gun and takes the President hostage. Unfortunately the fat and bomber jacket wearing ‘Secret Service Agents’ aren’t really on the ball and soon the President and four soldiers are holed up in the kitchen where the majority of the film takes place. The five are soon joined by a lady reporter and a cameraman and so begins a drawn out conversation where the rights and wrongs of the Gulf War are explored. If that sounds a bit dry, then that’s because it is.

The leader of the kidnappers, Garrison, is large and overbearing. As well as a loud, annoying and devoid of acting skills. He also has a semi-reluctant lady soldier with him as well as a dull one and a shouty random one. Like ‘The Rock’, from where much of the film is lifted, a rescue operation goes on whilst the President is interrogated and tortured by the soldiers who want answers for the motivations behind going to war and why their friends have been killed.

Will the President be saved and what sin will the media put on the events?

I really disliked this film and it was hard to see it through. It’s agenda was clear from the start and it was almost like liberal wish fulfillment with a Bush clone being made to atone for his sins. He gets his face fried, shoes thrown at him and is water boarded and you could almost hear the long haired liberals high fiving each other off camera. Take that Republicans!

The film closed with the tired old staple of various news outlets spinning the story as a Muslim atrocity while the stock ticker on screen shows share prices rising. It wasn’t subtle and definitely not objective. It was also very low budget, poorly acted and had no redeeming features whatsoever. One to avoid!

Best Bit : ‘How do you like your face cooked?’
‘W’ Rating - 2/23

No.93 : Waist Deep (2006)

 Waist Deep at the IMDb

Here’s a bit of bad ass action from South Central, ma hoodies. I can’t go on like that for long but this film manages it for 90 minutes without pausing for breath or providing subtitles.

Tyrese Gibson stars as a single dad stuck at his low rent security job. He’s a two time loser trying to make good for his boy. He is due to pick up the kid but is let down by his relief meaning that he has to take his gun home with him. This seemingly unnecessary detail is included to show that our man is a victim of circumstance and not a trigger happy bad ass as some people, a jury for example, may think.

He manages to get to the boy somewhat late but makes good with a toy horsey. For reasons unknown the boy goes to sleep in the back seat and is taken along with the ride when our hero is car jacked. After some massive gun play the baddies get away and our man’s only link to them is through the sexy street suit saleswoman who may have been the set up girl for the car jackers.

Eventually the gangsters get in touch and demand $100K for the boy’s safe return. We learn that our man is just out of jail for a robbery and the hoods think he may still have the loot stashed away. He of course doesn’t and has to embark on a massive crime spree to collect the ransom and save his boy. The girl tags along unwillingly but when she is promised a cut of the take she helps out hoping to free herself from her own crappy existence.

With the cash raised the trade off is arranged but can our man survive the many double crosses ahead of him and stay out of the clutches of the understandably keen police?

This is a really rubbish film but that’s not to say it doesn’t have its moments. Most of these are unintentionally funny scenes where the gun play and over the top action stretch your disbelief and then break it. It is churlish to pick nits as I’m clearly not the target audience. I can see loads of Ali G types getting their wannabe gangster wish fulfilment addressed every time a gun is held side on or someone is addressed as ‘Mofo’.

The ‘hero’ is shown as a decent man fighting for what’s his but he comes across as a terrifying and reckless manic who shoots folk execution style and sticks up banks without a thought for the terrified staff and customers.

The plot is simple as ABC which is probably necessary as subtle plot points would be missed as you punch the air and shout ‘Cap his ass’ a lot. The characters are also wafer thin with development strictly in the ‘arrested’ mode. The two leads are quite decent given the limited material and despite its moral vacuum and terrible message you could do worse for a night‘s guilty pleasure.

Best Bit : Shawshank Steal

‘W’ Rating : 12/23