Tuesday, 21 April 2009

No. 105 : Werewolf in a Womens Prison

I’m sure that some high brow bloggers would dismiss a film like ‘Werewolf in a Womens Prison’ as tacky rubbish beneath their contempt but that’s certainly not us here at the ‘W’ movies extravaganza. It is our policy to fully watch any ‘W’ film before declaring it rubbish and we will do so in this case.

It’s unlikely that you’ve been troubled by this film at your local Blockbuster or even on late night TV but happily due to the wonders of the internet you can find it pretty easily in all the right or wrong places depending on your position on downloading and film copyright ownership. I of course found the film through legitimate channels, full details of which will be available as soon as I’ve made them up.

The film is of the ‘does what it says on the tin’ variety and the plot is thin as Kate Moss’ soup. We open with a not very young or attractive couple making out in a tent in a remote Latino campsite. Howls are heard but dismissed as the throes of passion right up to the point that a werewolf turns up and gets all bitey. With the bloke badly chewed the girl manages to fend off the attack using silver flaked vodka (?) but is unable to save her lover.

The local stereotype policemen refuse to believe her story and she is quickly placed in the local prison for his killing, which is also the local smutty film production facility. Our heroine is shocked at first but soon gets into the swing of things with the uniformly pretty and scantily clad populous. Things however take a predictable twist when she learns that the bite she suffered is likely to transform her at the next full moon.

After a laughable transformation during which many of the staff and inmates are butchered, the corrupt governor (is there any other kind?) and his hench lady plan to exploit the werewolf and use it in their freak show exhibition - bad idea! Can our heroine escape both the prison and the lupine curse? Who cares, there is still time to get those denim shirts off one more time!

It won’t be a surprise to learn that this is a bad film and to be honest I can’t remember one worse. It has a miniscule budget that allows only for the most terrible transformation effects imaginable and a cast that look like they’ve been hijacked from the local burger King drive thru. The dialogue is hokey at best with corny lines delivered, without irony, throughout. “Badger? We don’t need no stinking Badger” being one of the more memorable.

The plot is near non existent with every werewolf cliché you can imagine trotted out from silver bullets to the reappearance of the dead boyfriend, in a scene so reminiscent of ‘An American Werewolf in London’ that I was half expecting Jenny Agutter to walk on and shut down the production.

Doubters will of course say that the film is a self aware parody of the genre, but to pull that off you’d need a witty script and a werewolf that didn’t look like an old carpet with a couple of red light bulbs. In mitigation there is plenty of nudity albeit of the topless only variety and you have to laugh when the heads get bitten off and the blood starts spurting.

At the end of the day however the shockingly poor production values and terrible direction can’t be overlooked and you still feel short changed having seen the whole lamentable affair for nothing. It looks like a high school film project with it’s ropey sets, unbelievable acting and laughable effects and if it set out to be a homage or tribute to the classic ‘B’ movies of the past I’m afraid it only ranks as a ‘D’ at best.

Best Bit : Home video shoot
'W' Rating : 9/23

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