Friday, 5 September 2008

No.59 : White Christmas

IMDb Link :

It’s Christmas Eve 1944 and some American soldiers are facing some real horrors on the front. No, not the Nazis, a pair of tits in Santa suits doing song and dance numbers. Damn strippers not showing up!

After a bit of the phoney looking set falls over Danny Kaye saves celebrated singer Bing Crosby and then guilts him into using his song and ‘talent’ in his previously one-man show. Their double act is an immediate success and the pair soon starts to produce their own shows. Things start to get a bit fractured when Danny keeps trying to fix the disinterested Bing up with a girl. He works in musical theatre - get the message!

Before heading off to record a TV special the pair stop off to see a sister act as a favour to an army buddy. Of course the girls are fantastic but are in trouble over a ruined rug. Kaye helps out by giving them their train tickets so they can get to Vermont for a show. Our men just make the train but Crosby is annoyed to find their tickets are gone, but softens when he see the girls are installed in their room. They decide to go to Vermont as well and are surprised to see that there is no snow and that the hotel is managed by their former army General.

He’s in trouble as the lack of snow is keeping the tourists away, but our men agree to bring their show to town to help him out and to get more quality time with the girls. There a few bumps in the road ahead but for the most part it’s let’s cram in as many song and dance numbers as possible and hope for snow in time for the title song finale.

‘White Christmas’ is great at what it does but sadly middle aged men singing show tunes isn’t for me. The songs by Irving Berlin are fine but as one segways into another you forget which is which. The two leads don’t seem to like each other much with the crumbly Bing , the oldest soldier in the army, seeming a bit arrogant. Danny Kaye has a face you wouldn’t tire of punching, especially in his Santa suit. The two women are as sexy as Barbie dolls and you get the impression that it’d take a tin opener to get their dresses off.

It is a bit creepy to see Bing wooing the young show girl and there was no chemistry at all between any of the four leads. Clearly I’m not the target for this kind of sugar coated mince but I thought it a torturous two hours that had me praying for an avalanche.

Best Bit : The guys look a bit too comfortable in drag.

‘W’ Score : 8/23

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