No. 360 : Where Eskimos Live (2002)

 

Where Eskimos Live at the IMDb

I picked this DVD up in a charity shop having never heard of it before. Well, its name starts with a ‘W’ so it must be decent! It does hold a reasonable 6.7/10 on IMDb, but I felt that was high and I’d be around half marks, if I was feeling generous.

Bob Hoskins stars as Sharkey, a tough as nails child trafficker who sports the worst accent since Sean Connery’s Egyptian in ‘Highlander’. The DVD box says Sharkey is English, but he has an Eastern European twang for some reason. I wonder if he was dubbed in post, as he doesn’t sound like the Bob we know and love.

Anyway, Sharkey has a fake UNICEF badge and backpack and is floating around Bosnia in 1995 looking to pick up some children. His motives aren’t immediately clear, but we know he has false credentials and is clearly up to something nefarious. It turns out it’s adoptions he’s facilitating but I think the subtext is far more noncey. He is pretty rubbish at his job, getting his papers and stuff taken off him on a regular basis. There is an air of lawlessness due to the war and  Sharkey is frankly underprepared.

He encounters Vlado who is part of a gang of orphans straight out of ‘Oliver Twist’. We know he’s a good guy as he befriends a Downs kid that the others shun. They have almost nothing, but they do have a nice light up globe on which Vlado points out Norway to his friend. ‘That’s where eskimos live’- he says. He may be nice but don’t have him as your phone a friend on ‘Millionaire’!

Vlado’s gang blow up a truck that contains a local Colonel’s daughter. He is rightfully pissed at this and vows to hunt down Bob and Vlado who have now joined forces. This minor peril is quickly dealt with, and the pair bond as they travel across the war-ravaged land with Bob getting some action along the way in a frankly strange sex scene.

The two eventually make it to Germany where Vlado is to be handed over to the gang leaders for a potential organ harvest. Will Bob take the money and walk away? What do you think?!

This was a decent effort, but the multi-nation production showed through, with a lot of dodgy accents and performances. The central relationship was poor with the kid playing Vlado being far too ‘stage school’ for my liking. There were scenes where he was screaming in delight and mugging away as Bob took polaroids that were just awful.

Bob didn’t convince either as a latter-day child catcher and his Road to Damascus style conversion didn’t ring true. He did give it his all however, especially by wearing a comedy style neck brace at the end, after he was beaten up with a trash can.

The story was pretty sleight too and I thought that the film must have been based on a true story, but no, this really was the best the scriptwriters could come up with.

To its credit the film did address some serious issues and the brutality and horrors of war, such as a big pile of corpses, was well done. Overall, the film lacked any tension or peril for me, with the cute kid and grumpy Bob not convincing to any degree, apart as a couple of actors cutting a pay cheque.

Not one that will live long in the memory and one that you will be able to find in my local charity shop sometime soon!

Best Bit - Bob's Full Bed

'W' Rating 10/23

No. 359 : Wild Men (2021)

 

Wild Men at the IMDb

 This subtitled Danish film was offered up to me on the BBC iPlayer and I was glad that I gave it a go. Most Scandinavian films involve murders and detective work in the dark, but this was mostly good fun and it had a strong heart.

The film opens with a large man dressed in animal skins attempting to shoot a goat with his homemade bow and arrow. He fails to nail his quarry and ends up having to settle for a toad instead, which causes him to be sick. He’s obviously a novice at the outdoor life and he soon heads to a petrol station/grocery store where his lack of money leads to him fighting with the staff and making off with a basket of shopping.

Meanwhile three more urban young men come a cropper when they hit an elk in the road and crash. There is seemingly only one survivor, and he staggers off with their large holdall of money. He soon stumbles into the path of our fur clad hero Martin, who manages to carry out some pretty decent first aid, including some stitches on a nasty leg gash.

Elsewhere the police are looking into Martin’s shop heist and into the crashed car, which now has no bodies, unless you count the elk hanging out of the front, which I do.

Two hapless policemen find the injured bagman but Martin decides to help his new friend and handcuffs the two cops together. The bagman, whose name is Musa, convinces Martin that they should head to an idyllic village where people live as Vikings did, off the land. As they set off on their quest a jaded police chief ramps up the investigation and Musa’s erstwhile colleagues set about recovering their cash. Who will achieve their goal? – and is it one that is worth having?

I quite enjoyed this film which was for the most part a gentle comedy, but one laced with a bit of gore, torture and some killings. The central theme was one of isolation and of people struggling with the modern world.

We didn’t get a lot of backstory to Martin’s plight but we know his life in the woods amounted to only ten days when we first encounter him. His seemingly long-suffering wife and his two daughters – and their rabbit! -set off from Denmark to find him in the Norwegian forests and, to be fair, she does a lot better than the cops!

The ‘tired of life’ policeman was a bit of a cliché but I liked his curmudgeonly attitude, and he got a fitting end, something akin to that of Mike in ‘Breaking Bad’. There was some commentary on immigration and the dilution of traditional values – some of it deliberate, such as the monetised Viking village and some of it less so with the drugs trade seemingly following the incomers. This slant was tempered by the Martin/Musa relationship which ended on a positive note.

I don’t think I learned much here – certainly nothing about surviving outdoors! – but it was a warm good-natured film that offered some social commentary and a few laughs along the way.

Best Bit - Viking Village Visit

W Rating 15/23

No. 358 : Windfall (2022)

 

Windfall at the IMDb

This film popped up on my Netflix offering and, despite never having heard of it, I thought I’d give it a go – well you are entitled to your once a year ‘W’ fix!

The film is pretty low key, set all in one house and garden over a couple of days. We open with a man approaching a sumptuous desert property eating an orange from the orchard along the way. There is no dialogue for the first seven minutes as he systematically goes through the house looking for things to steal. He chances upon a handgun, a wad of cash and a Rolex watch. So far so good and he’s ready to go.

 Fortunately for the film, the two homeowners arrive back and soon chance upon the hapless burglar. The next 80 minutes or so deal with the ensuing hostage situation and, as you’d expect, details slowly emerge about the relationships and the background to the situation. At an early stage the burglar leaves but on seeing a CCTV camera, which the owner had denied existed, he returns seeking a $500k payoff. The owner readily agrees, but the cash will take a day to assemble. To complicate matters further the Mexican gardener shows up and soon he’s a hostage too.

Will the cash appear and why has this specific target been chosen? Will the crumbling marital relationship survive the ordeal and who will reap the windfall of the title, if anyone?

 

This was an OK sort of film, but it was really slow and not a lot happened to cover even the lean run time we are given. None of the characters are afforded names which is always an annoying conceit for me – everyone is shouting ‘Babe’ or ‘You’ all the time! The burglar, named ‘Nobody’ in the credits, was played by Jason Segel who you’ll remember from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’. This dramatic role highlights that comedy is his strength as I wasn’t buying his desperate hours, soul searching protagonist here. The homeowner is credited under ‘CEO’ and is played by Jesse Plemmons or Todd from ‘Breaking Bad’ as he’s more commonly known. I think he may have done a better turn as the burglar as he didn’t convince as the tech entrepreneur billionaire.

 

Filling out the cast as ’Wife’ was Lily Collins – she was forgettable too and did little with thin material. She gets a big finale that wasn’t earned, and I think that was the result of 90 minutes of the run time approaching with no cohesive or logical ending in sight.

 

The film did offer a bit of commentary on technology making people obsolete but to be honest my sympathies started with CEO and stayed there. ‘Nobody’ came across as entitled and unfocussed and although his randomness was a deliberate part of the character, he never came together as someone whom I cared about, feared or believed.

 

There are a couple of minor twists to keep you interested but it will be a passing, and soon to be forgotten, interest. I see the three principals all got producing credits along with the director and I’m sure a sunny shoot on the Netflix tab was fun for all concerned – just a shame the viewer wasn’t invited along for the ride!

Best Bit : The Gardener Does the Windows

'W' Rating 11/23